Post-Emily Post: Show Your Friends Some Respect

It greatly saddens me when I see the way that people treat the other people that share this world with them. It is especially upsetting when they do this to the people they supposedly care about. So here are some things to think about when you are interacting with the people who mean the most to you.

be humble - You do not need to tell everyone how great you are. They know, that's why they love you and keep you in their lives. If they give you a compliment, thank them but don't feel the need to elaborate for them just how great it really was in case they weren't paying attention.

be grateful - If someone gives you a gift, even if it is something you didn't want or ask for or need, thank them. Especially if it is something homemade or that they obviously put a great amount of thought in. If someone cares enough to give you something personal, even when they can't necessarily afford to spend a lot of money on it, just be happy that you have someone like that in your life. If they did spend a lot of money on it, even if it's not particularly useful, be happy that someone loves you enough to give you their hard earned grocery money.

try not to bulldoze them in conversations - Some folks are a little quieter than others and it takes a lot of effort for them to speak up in a group setting. When they do, stop and listen because they probably have something important to say.

you don't know everything and you don't know more than everyone else - Everyone comes from different life experiences. There are 25 year olds who have more under their belt than some 50 year olds. However, no matter how much you know and how much you've been through, there is ALWAYS someone who knows something you don't. See above thought on being humble. If you sound like a know-it-all most of the time, people will eventually get tired of listening to you.

show integrity - Don't lie to or intentionally cheat or hurt your friends. Or anyone for that matter. But especially your friends. Most of them would do anything for you and there is nothing you could ever do to disappoint them more than this.

it's not all about you - Remember to stop and listen every once in awhile. Some people are quiet and more willing to listen than others but even they will get tired of never getting a word in. 

Overall, stop thinking about yourself all of the time and try to treat people with the same dignity, love, and respect that you would like to be treated with.

the truth about love (or at least my truth)

Thursday, I got home from class and was ecstatic to find Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing waiting for me in the mail. As soon as I was finished with all of my doctor's appointments and errand running yesterday, I curled up under the blankets with my girls and popped it in. I just can't begin to express how much I love this movie but it starts with the fact that Joss was able to finally do justice to what I consider to be one of the most honest love stories I've ever read. Two of my favorite quotes about love are in the same scene when Benedick professes his love to Beatrice. 

"I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?"
This one, for me, is the perfect expression on how we find love. It's always been a surprise that I wasn't looking for. It overwhelms all other love and knocks me on my ass in amazement. Shouldn't we all be waiting for that feeling? So many people settle with just someone that's nice to them for a change or someone that's different than the last person who broke their heart. They look for an easy way by shutting down those dangerous feelings and being with someone safe. I have suffered great pain for love and never once have I believed that it wasn't worth it. I believe this so wholeheartedly that I will immediately run from a relationship the second I have the realization that it is not love. I know casual dating works for a lot of people but I have always been in search of the real thing.

"I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest."
This is the important part. The part I think many people forget. Just how much of yourself that love takes. If you're not both willing to give 100%, it's not going to work. I don't mean that you have to drop everything else you do or ignore your other friends but you do occasionally have to be willing to drop something when the other person is having a bad day or is sick and just needs you to come snuggle on the couch with them. It also means that you are willing to stand up for them if one of your friends makes them feel unwelcome. It means that you see their flaws as more parts of them to love, not parts of them that make them unworthy of your love. It means giving support or space when it is needed, it means giving them a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to, celebrating their highs and mourning their lows, being happy when you're with them 24/7 but able to enjoy your me-time when they're gone, sharing goals and hobbies and likes and dislikes but also having things you do without them, and always letting them know how much you love them even when things aren't going well. 

So take some time to appreciate your partners and remember that you're good enough not to settle for anything less than the real deal.

Things I Love Thursday

new tattoos - I've been wanting a new tat for awhile now and I finally had some free time and cash last week. I ran down to the shop around the corner from my apartment and set up a walk-in appointment for this little baby.

I found this great quote online: 'An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.' So, being an archer and really liking the quote, I got an arrow tattooed on my bow arm. Freaky little coincidence, the guy who did it trained in my home town and also did my sister's theatre masks on her back like five years ago. Small world.

in-game interrogations - Last week, at LARP, Sanaa got a little...testy with an NPC. Being an overpowering, bossy bitch that people listen to is a little empowering. Also, my fall outfit turned out better than I'd hoped for. I'll be sad on the day that I stop being Sanaa.

spa days - Yes, I've mentioned the spa before. Yes, Thousand Waves is still the most peaceful and amazing places within walking distance of my apartment. This time I spent my lovely three hours there with Terri and Amelia, who I love chatting with more than just about anything. Getting tasty food stuffs afterward with Amelia made it an even better day.

getting As - That's right, took my first quiz of the quarter last week, got an A. No reason to believe I won't keep it up. It always puts a smile on my face to remember how far I've come. 

lady friends - Along those lines, let me just give out an additional shout out to all of my lady loves. I got to see a large quantity of them over the past week between LARP, the spa, and Bekah's sushi and tea ladies night. So here's to Amelia, Sarah, Rachel, Terri, Bekah, Maggie, Heather, Alysia, Katie, Elise, Carolyn, Morgan, Morgann, Laura, Martha, Steph, Stephanie, Carol-Anne, Emily, and anyone else I may have unintentionally left out. Thank you. Thank you for being the women that encourage me to be better and stronger and for sharing such a wonderful bond of friendship that keeps me from being a lonely old lady being eaten by cats. 

genuine apologies - There are many days when it's very easy to look at the world and lose your faith in humanity. However, on a day when someone acknowledges they've hurt me and genuinely apologizes (not one of those lame-ass "I'm sorry you feel that way" apologies), I start to think that there's hope yet that some people do grow up and we're not all lost causes. 

cousin love - So we all agree that the government shutdown sucks but, if it has to happen, I have a little bit of a silver lining. My cousin and best-friend-since-birth, who is a private government contractor, is currently out of a job. This sucks for her. However, considering that she's applying for a ton of Chicago jobs and might move closer to me than she has since we were about 8, I'm selfishly hoping that the shutdown has pushed her my way. 

What are you thankful for this Thursday?

single does not equal desperate

Pardon me while I have a tiny bit of a rant. I have spent a large part of my life where most of my closest friends have been male. I tend to stay good friends with exes and I have, on occasion, had a friend fling. However, there is one thing I have never been able to understand: the assumption that any time a female is single, she must be desperate for sex. It is just simply not the case. So for the men in my life who I love but do sometimes stick their heads up their ass and do something so misogynistically disrespectful that I have the irrational desire to remove their testicles, let me set the record straight on a few things. 

I am made up of more than my lady pieces. Every time a male friend cops a random feel or stares at my boobs or makes an innuendo that was not invited, I am filled with a white hot rage like no other. I have spent arduous hours selectively choosing the people I allow into my life. I adore them each in their own way and for their own individual gifts and strengths. So when a friend does this to me, I feel that they have told me that the only thing they value in me is my vagina. I've read literally thousands of books; I am a Dean's list student at a prestigious university; I am well-versed in music, psychology, theatre, movies, and foreign languages; I love horseback riding, running, archery, dancing, playing the piano, singing, judo, and yoga; I am a foodie and love trying new recipes and new restaurants; I would love to be a voice-over actor and to make huge changes in the field of higher education; and I am a fierce and loyal friend who forgives easily and loves hard. And every time you stare at my cleavage instead of into my eyes, my heart breaks and I feel a sense of disrespect that borders on sorrow because you do not see or value these things about me. Staying single is a choice for me. I have been severely burned in past relationships and have no desire to rush back in again. I am a strong enough person my own and I would rather be on my own than in any kind of relationship where there is not mutual love and respect on both sides. I am too old to waste my time on anything less than 100% and the real deal. 

So, fellas, do us all a favor and show your lady pals a little respect. Some of us may be tiny but, trust me, we know how to inflict maximum damage to a maximum douche. 

Post-Emily Post, A Monday Snark: Good Neighbor Edition

After a summer of neighborhood street fests and the return of the irritating upstairs girls, it has become clear to me that this weeks post needs to be a reminder on how to be a good neighbor. Not just to the people who share a building with you but also to the people who share the same street, neighborhood, and even city with you. A little common courtesy is all I'm asking here, folks.


Lets start with volume control. Dear lord, people just do not seem to understand how to use their indoor voices. Your neighbors, fellow restaurant patrons, etc do not need or want to hear your conversations. They also don't want to hear your radio blaring as loud as it will go (especially any time after 10 at night or before 9 in the morning). The same goes for your TV, keep it at a reasonable volume. Also, if you're an upstairs neighbor, do your downstairs neighbor a favor and keep your high heels off until you're ready to walk out of the door. The constant clomping across the ceiling will systematically drive your poor neighbor insane. Also, if you're driving through a neighborhood in the middle of the night, try to keep the radio down and use your horn only when absolutely needed, waking up to a car horn because someone was too lazy to walk to the door is a truly jarring experience.

Along with volume control, your animals can be equally obnoxious to anyone who doesn't love them as much as you do. I, personally, am the owner of a particular yappy dog. Loud noises startle her into massive fits of the yips. However, I try my best to stifle the barking as quickly as humanly possible before it can irritate my neighbors to puppy-cide. Some other dog tips, keep them on a leash. I'm not saying that your dog is a bad dog or needs to be on a leash because it will misbehave. I'm saying that there are other dogs that are nervous by being approached by a strange dog and, even more importantly, people and small children that have serious fear of strange animals. Just try to show some compassion and keep them reined in unless they're running around at the dog park or the privacy of your own fenced in yard. Also, no one wants to look at or accidentally step in your dog's waste, take a baggy and pick it up like a responsible pet owner.

Along that line, maybe you could just in general not leave trash on the ground. It breaks my heart whenever I walk past the perfectly landscaped flower beds that the apartment and condo buildings on my block have set out and seeing them filled with cigarette butts, beer cans, vodka bottles, newspapers, and various other pieces of trash that people just couldn't bother to hold onto until the end of the block where there is a perfectly good trash can. 

The same thing goes for spitting on the sidewalk. For serious, why do people think it's okay to hock a giant loogie in the middle of where other people are walking?! I have had people nearly spit on me because I was passing just as they decided to spit. There is never anything so desperate that you can't either wait for the nearest trash can or bathroom or just suck it up and swallow that shit because no one else should have to be subjected to it.

Going along with bodily functions, let me give a special mention to public sex and urination. Two things that I have personally been subjected to in my adorable garden apartment. For some reason, people of the male persuasion have been taught that it's perfectly acceptable to pee outside as long as no one can see you. However, the stairwell to my front door is where I walk every day in and out of my house and it is someone's property, it is incredibly rude to use it as a bathroom. Do us all a favor and hold it until the next open Starbucks. Also, if, for whatever reason, you just can't wait to have sex until you get home, could you at least not leave your dirty condom out on the street (or in aforementioned stairwell) for someone else to have to clean up. It's your bodily fluid, no one else should have to figure out how to clean that up.

On a lighter note, for those of you that like to keep your lawns green during the summer months, more power to you. I am all for sprinklers at the right place and time. However, walking home from work down a busy sidewalk in my nice clothes is not the place or time. Please try your best to not water the sidewalk along with your lawn.

Love and respect, neighbors!

Things I Love Thursday

Down times - I love my Changeling character and, for the first time literally ever, I actually care enough to send in my down time actions between games. What makes it better is that my dear friend, Amelia, loves writing for my character and sent me the most beautiful email involving Sanaa. It made me feel like I was living a real faery story and I'm super psyched to see what happens next.

Nice dinners - I've finally been making regular trips to the grocery store and cooking real meals when I'm home. It's really nice to just sit down to a plate of mac and cheese and brussel sprouts at my dining table. It's much easier to concentrate on my homework than with my usual junk food in bed routine.

Good shopping trips - When you set out to find a specific article of clothing in a very specific color, you kind of expect to be looking for hours and maybe never find what you're looking for. However, twenty minutes into browsing through Water Tower Place, I found exactly what I wanted on the clearance rack of Express. Yay!

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. - I'm not entirely sure how I missed writing about this last week but welcome back to television, Joss! Two episodes in and this show is kicking some serious ass and giving me several geekgasms of joy.

Girlfriend time - It occurred to me as my seven week break with no classes came to a close last Thursday, that I didn't utilize my free time nearly as well as I could have. Instead of enjoying as much time with my girl friends as possible, I kind of hermited up. However, I've started on a path to remedy the situation. Last night, I spent a lovely evening at the park and eating sushi with the wonderful Sarah and Ivy which was much needed. I also have plans in the work to get some girl time with Elise, Carolyn, and Amelia soon too. I love my ladies and they are what keeps me sane.

The Return of Things I Love Thursday

I've been on a sort of internet hiatus. Work has been crazy, my mental state has been less than stable, and I just needed to take my free time and just dedicate it to getting back in a good space before the quarter started. My classes start tonight, I am starting to get back on top of my life, and I am ready to rejoin the blogosphere. 

Giant burritos - Last weekend I headed home for my grandpa's 80th birthday celebration. My aunt, Marianne, drove up with my mom on Friday and, as we swung into Chambana, we met my sister at Fiesta Cafe and I ate an enormous steak burrito with refried beans and spanish rice and some of the best margaritas you can get. Starting off a weekend home with a full belly and good company was spiritually warming.

Farmer's market - Saturday morning we got up early and headed to the local Farmer's Market where my aunt, Jodi's, toffee booth of awesome is. The atmosphere is always great, we see tons of people we know, and we get super tasty breakfasts from local businesses.

Cooking competitions - Speaking of the toffee booth, they're hosting an awesome recipe competition that I'm competing in. I think I've got a winner (as long as I get it shipped in time). 

Family day - The rest of the day was filled with more family than you could possibly handle. There was a local cake/punch open house at the church, a family dinner out at my uncle's lake house, and wine and board games out at my aunt's school house that lasted well into the wee sma's. It was an amazing day full of hugs and love, babies, and tons of laughter. Seeing my mom's godmother, my grandfather's sisters from Tennessee, my bff-since-birth, and everyone's little ones is just an amazing way to spend the day.

New babies - My cousin, Tiffany, just had a baby four weeks ago and Tyler is the cutest, cuddliest little baby. It definitely made my afternoon to carry him around and get to know him on Saturday. 

Cards Against Humanity - When I said wine and board games, what I meant was wine and Cards Against Humanity. I never seem to get tired of this game no matter how many times I've read those hilarious, dirty answers. However, the best part was my mother having to look up what "bukkake" was in order to play a card and my cousin, who is old enough that this was surprising, asked if she could trade in a card because she didn't know what "road head" was. Love my fam.

Brussel sprouts - I cannot get enough brussel sprouts in my diet. Seriously. It is insanely depressing to me that I can typically not find very good ones for all of the summer months. However, my grocery shopping trip on Sunday was most productive and I had happy happy veggie tummy all night last night.

Ladies night - After a day full of snotty undergrads, I seriously earned a ladies night. Thankfully I had one scheduled Tuesday night. Much thanks to Makena for hosting and providing fabulously boozy warm cider, Hiro and Rachel for the snuggles, and Steph for the facial and introduction to Arbonne, I'm a little in love with everything we tried that night.

Back on schedule - As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, I've been a bit off all summer. I haven't been exercising or meditating or eating properly or cleaning my house or taking care of myself particularly well. I finally feel like I've started to get back to myself a little over the past couple of weeks. I've been avoiding my video games and taking time to read, I gave my house a serious fall cleaning and reorganization, I got some good food in the house and have been actually cooking dinners, I've been getting in nightly sit-ups and push-ups and face-washing and flossing. I'm feeling a lot better and less hectic in my brain and it's nice to just breathe again. Now time to get off this extra weight I picked up. :)

No papers - Today I got my syllabus for my Thursday night Psychopathology course and it informs me that my grade is 50% weekly quizzes and 50% final exam. I test extremely well and I learn better from lectures and regular testing. I hate writing research papers with a fiery passion. Don't know what my Saturday course is going to entail yet but I'm glad I've dodged the bullet on at least one class worth of papers this quarter.