Assassin's Creed - I burned through the first one pretty quickly and now I'm finding everything down to the last feather in 2. It's really been a great release during the stressful time leading up to finals.
Gin - Our monthly cocktail party was gin-focused and oh how I love gin. French 75s and a lovely concoction of lemon and tarragon were my go-to drinks for the evening. It was a great group of people and I'm looking forward to the next one.
Outdoor fun with the monkey - I got to spend a fabulous day mostly outdoors with the Arehart clan, a great deal of which included lying in the grass and blowing bubbles whenever I was so demanded by my sweet little Ivy. I got to read her books and take a nap with her and eat lunch and dinner (incredible breakfast burritos made by Tim) and give her a bath and tuck her in for the night. I just love that they let me be a part of their family.
Unexpected baby visits - My coworker brought her little bacon bit into the office yesterday afternoon and I swear she gets cuter every time I see her. Looking forward to having Heather back in eight days.
Last class of the quarter - Last night saw me standing in my last class of the quarter giving an in-class presentation on kindness and it's effects on subjective happiness. Don't get me wrong, I still have to finish and turn in my final papers next week but I'm mostly done. I've been super exhausted and I'm looking forward to having a few weeks off before the summer quarter starts up.
Pizza - Thankfully, since I didn't have a ton of time to actually cook before this week started in earnest, both of my professors brought pizza to class to feed us. I've never been so grateful for something so greasy.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
maximizers and satisficers, or how I ruined my last vacation
A couple of years ago, Michael took me to Las Vegas for a week on vacation. I was incredibly grateful for his generous gift and excited to explore a new city. Somehow, though, the trip did not meet expectations and caused more stress among the ranks than happy couple bonding time. It took me a long time to realize exactly what went so terribly wrong on that trip and even longer to finally have a name for it. I am a maximizer. If you want a brief but good explanation of maximizers versus satisficers, you can find one here. I spend ever so much time over analyzing every decision I make and constantly worried that I will make the wrong decision. Which is what happened on this trip. I couldn't even pick a restaurant to eat at without being quite sure that my traveling companion would find it unsatisfactory and, because I had made said decision, subsequently find me unsatisfactory. I became a very unattractive, insecure person to be stuck in a hotel with for a week. And quite literally every time I have made decisions in this manner, I have sabotaged myself. So here is my resolution, no more ruined vacations and self doubt, I resolve to be a satisficer from here on out. Dear friends, please call me out when I'm being too obsessive.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Things I Love Friday Edition
Colbediah - My dear friend Colby made a very short weekend trip to Chi-town for a wedding but he still made sure to get the Milli-crew together for drinks at Whirlaway with the inestimable Maria behind the counter. It was great to see my boys and it's sad that we've started to grow so busy and far apart.
Nerd night - I finally got to see Iron Man 3 and the Agents of Shield finale (and the Agent Carter one shot). A lovely evening in with Aaron and he doesn't hate me even if I did manage to lock us out on the balcony and have to climb back in the apartment through the window.
Pasta class - It's certainly not news to anyone that I've been taking cooking classes at the Chopping Block. Last class was homemade pasta. I never want to eat that crappy boxed stuff again. Also, the teacher insisted I sign up for her June pie making class.
Burlesque - Ridgely, Michael, Kat, Colin, and I made a trip to the Debonair Social Club for their weekly burlesque show (different line up every week). It was a fun night of lovely ladies and I got to see my pal Trixie Sparks on stage for the first time.
Sleeping with the window open - Sunday night was a lovely treat. Being able to sleep with the window open and wake up early to the sounds of the city and a beautiful 56 degree breeze was one of life's simple pleasures.
Hair cuts - I got one. It was long overdue. It looks so much better now. Oh and Dan actually approved of my hair color which never happens.
My supervisor is retiring - Did I mention this already? I could not possibly be more psyched for July 11th.
A day in the burbs - Sunday I spent the afternoon in the burbs with an adorable man in a bow tie. My friend Zach and I had intended to visit the Blue Box Cafe in Elgin but apparently it's closed on Sundays. Instead we swung down to the Elgin Public House, had surprisingly amazing food and Angry Orchard cider before I had to leave for the train. Bow ties are cool.
A surprise dinner companion - Last night, on my way to run errands before a night in of cleaning and packing, I happened to look to my right and see my friend Travis headed into La Tacorea. So I got some fantastic company for dinner and some super tasty Korean tacos.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
more together than I feel
Today I got the grade back on my midterm for my advanced research seminar on the psychology of emotion: 90/100. When I took this midterm two weeks ago, I was quite certain that I had done C work at best and almost went home and immediately dropped the class. I have a hard time dealing with anything less than perfection. However, by the time I had finished inhaling a cheeseburger and making the 45 minute commute home, I realized that, even if one grade wasn't that great, I could still probably pull a B in the class and all was not in fact lost. Which brings us to today when I found out I got an A. It kind of summarizes my entire quarter so far. I've been feeling particularly on edge, still in control but seconds away from dropping all of my spinning plates. Every time I think I have dropped the ball somehow things all work themselves out. When I overbook myself for the week, my classes get canceled due to illness. When I walk into a cooking class exhausted and feeling completely out of my element, my favorite chef assistant tells me I have to try this new knife they just got in and the head chef is so impressed with my cooking she insists I have to sign up for her June class on pies, tarts, and crostatas. When I've been a bit over responsible and paid too much on my bills, a family member gives me money or a friend buys me dinner. When I'm feeling a bit unloved and overwhelmed, someone will step up to tell me just how very loved I am and that everything is going to be okay. I have friends who have made me part of their families and family that are best friends. I have people that I can talk to about anything at any time and even a person that will let me sit on their couch and use their internet and do my homework so that I don't get distracted at home. I am so very blessed and I'm pretty sure if I didn't have these people in my life that hold me together that I would have come apart at the seams long ago.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
the not-so-glamorous single life
This isn't the kind of post you'll see from me very often. 99 days out of 100, I love being single. When I make plans, I don't have to check with anyone else's calendar. When the house is a mess, it's my mess and no one else lives there to be bothered by it. If the dog barks for ten minutes straight at nothing in particular, the only person annoyed is me. When I'm exhausted from a long day of work and class, I don't have to save any emotional energy to put into anyone else. No one distracts me from my homework, no one steals the covers or hogs the bed, and there's no one to notice if I stay in my pajamas all weekend.
But then there's that one day when going home alone while all of your couple friends go home together holding hands and giving each other that look. That day hits you like a ton of bricks and puts as much emotional angst into that sucker punch as the other 99 combined. That day being single isn't all it's cracked up to be and curling up in a queen-sized bed with nothing but the cat to say goodnight to....hurts.
It's never really one big thing that shows up and causes you to rethink your entire life of bad relationship choices. It's lots of little things. Lately my back and my legs have really been inexplicably aching. When I sit, when I walk, when I lay in bed, I ache. The weather has been unseasonably cold and rainy. I've been racked with some serious financial concerns. Midterms and papers and piles upon piles of readings have been taking all of the mental energy I possess. There is an exponentially large pile of paperwork that increasingly piles up on my desk at work every day. And at the end of the day, when I'm at the end of my rope, I don't have someone else to fall back on who will rub my shoulders and give me a hug and tell me everything will be okay. And that's a hard night to get through.
And the guys. Even though I'm not looking for a long-term relationship because I don't have the time or the energy or the emotional capacity to deal with it at the moment, it's nice to go on a date every now and then but the scarcity of single males in my life makes that difficult. There's the guy you've known for over a decade, who you've given chance after chance to, who has made it abundantly clear through his inability to commit that a relationship would never happen, but for some reason you always say yes when they ask you out even though they'll probably forget you had plans and stand you up. There's the friend that's still so hung up on their ex that most of the time they forget you exist until they see you, fawn all over you, tell you how much they miss hanging out with you, and then never calls. There's the friend with benefits that works out perfectly until something new and shiny comes along. There are the cute boys you know vaguely from work and would love to ask out on a date but are quite certain are way too attractive to have noticed you. Dating is hard. I hate it but spending every single night by yourself gets trying too. I know there's no easy answer to my dilemma except to suck it up and remember that tomorrow I'll probably be my usually cheerful self.
I hope.
But then there's that one day when going home alone while all of your couple friends go home together holding hands and giving each other that look. That day hits you like a ton of bricks and puts as much emotional angst into that sucker punch as the other 99 combined. That day being single isn't all it's cracked up to be and curling up in a queen-sized bed with nothing but the cat to say goodnight to....hurts.
It's never really one big thing that shows up and causes you to rethink your entire life of bad relationship choices. It's lots of little things. Lately my back and my legs have really been inexplicably aching. When I sit, when I walk, when I lay in bed, I ache. The weather has been unseasonably cold and rainy. I've been racked with some serious financial concerns. Midterms and papers and piles upon piles of readings have been taking all of the mental energy I possess. There is an exponentially large pile of paperwork that increasingly piles up on my desk at work every day. And at the end of the day, when I'm at the end of my rope, I don't have someone else to fall back on who will rub my shoulders and give me a hug and tell me everything will be okay. And that's a hard night to get through.
And the guys. Even though I'm not looking for a long-term relationship because I don't have the time or the energy or the emotional capacity to deal with it at the moment, it's nice to go on a date every now and then but the scarcity of single males in my life makes that difficult. There's the guy you've known for over a decade, who you've given chance after chance to, who has made it abundantly clear through his inability to commit that a relationship would never happen, but for some reason you always say yes when they ask you out even though they'll probably forget you had plans and stand you up. There's the friend that's still so hung up on their ex that most of the time they forget you exist until they see you, fawn all over you, tell you how much they miss hanging out with you, and then never calls. There's the friend with benefits that works out perfectly until something new and shiny comes along. There are the cute boys you know vaguely from work and would love to ask out on a date but are quite certain are way too attractive to have noticed you. Dating is hard. I hate it but spending every single night by yourself gets trying too. I know there's no easy answer to my dilemma except to suck it up and remember that tomorrow I'll probably be my usually cheerful self.
I hope.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Things I Love Thursday
Therapeutic progress - Over the past week I met with my psychologist and my psychiatrist. My psychologist thinks we've been making great progress and my therapy is going down to once a month and my psychiatrist and I have decided to lower my dosage on antidepressants. So progress is being made and I feel better than I have in years. Fingers crossed that things keep going in that direction.
A visit from mom - My mom was having a crappy week. She's been super stressed and had way too much on her plate for way too long. So I got her to come up for a day. I baked some delicious sticky buns and we ate breakfast and she helped me do a couple of cleaning-type things around my house (cause she's awesome like that). We took a fantastic walk around the neighborhood including some great shopping finds at Gap and a spinach empanada and margarita at our favorite Mexican restaurant. That night we headed out to Quartino and had a lingering dinner served by my BFF and cousin, Alysia, who made sure we left full of wine and good food. The next morning brought an early morning breakfast at Nookie's and saying goodbye. It may have been a short visit but it was much needed for both of us.
Hot Mikado - Sunday afternoon, I got an invite to go see Hot Mikado at Loyola. I have done the original Gilbert & Sullivan twice and it definitely lands pretty high up my list of favorite shows. Hot Mikado is set in 1940s Japan and while most of the lyrics and general melodies are the same, the show is updated a little to match the music of the period. There were some truly incredible cast members and I have never enjoyed myself more at a college production. Remembering our loss of Craig made the experience ever so much more painfully beautiful.
Game of Thrones - Season 4 is off to an amazing start and I love our little band of viewers. I don't know how I made it through the season last year without these folks by my side but I'm so glad to be curled up on the sofa at Chez Tomczak with the friends I consider family every Sunday evening.
Finally recovering - I have had some kind of respiratory grossness for a week and a half. It's been absolutely destroying my ability to do anything but sleep and make it to the places I have to be and I've been pretty miserable not being able to hit my running goals. However, this morning I woke up feeling like I'd finally ejected the bugs and maybe I'll be able to get in a couple of miles this evening if it's not too cold.
The teacher agrees - This week while reading about the social constructivist theories of emotion, I found myself head slapping multiple times in annoyance at the stupidity that anyone actually believed this shit. And then immediately panicking when I realized that wasn't going to be a particularly valid way of stating it in my advanced research seminar. Luckily, I didn't have to worry about it because my teacher got up and immediately debunked the entire theory and explained how much she hated it. We totally bonded over our mutual hatred of social constructivism.
New eyes - My glasses and contacts are finally in at Pearle Vision. I cannot wait to pick them up this weekend and finally be able to see better out of my eye holes.
A visit from mom - My mom was having a crappy week. She's been super stressed and had way too much on her plate for way too long. So I got her to come up for a day. I baked some delicious sticky buns and we ate breakfast and she helped me do a couple of cleaning-type things around my house (cause she's awesome like that). We took a fantastic walk around the neighborhood including some great shopping finds at Gap and a spinach empanada and margarita at our favorite Mexican restaurant. That night we headed out to Quartino and had a lingering dinner served by my BFF and cousin, Alysia, who made sure we left full of wine and good food. The next morning brought an early morning breakfast at Nookie's and saying goodbye. It may have been a short visit but it was much needed for both of us.
Hot Mikado - Sunday afternoon, I got an invite to go see Hot Mikado at Loyola. I have done the original Gilbert & Sullivan twice and it definitely lands pretty high up my list of favorite shows. Hot Mikado is set in 1940s Japan and while most of the lyrics and general melodies are the same, the show is updated a little to match the music of the period. There were some truly incredible cast members and I have never enjoyed myself more at a college production. Remembering our loss of Craig made the experience ever so much more painfully beautiful.
Game of Thrones - Season 4 is off to an amazing start and I love our little band of viewers. I don't know how I made it through the season last year without these folks by my side but I'm so glad to be curled up on the sofa at Chez Tomczak with the friends I consider family every Sunday evening.
Finally recovering - I have had some kind of respiratory grossness for a week and a half. It's been absolutely destroying my ability to do anything but sleep and make it to the places I have to be and I've been pretty miserable not being able to hit my running goals. However, this morning I woke up feeling like I'd finally ejected the bugs and maybe I'll be able to get in a couple of miles this evening if it's not too cold.
The teacher agrees - This week while reading about the social constructivist theories of emotion, I found myself head slapping multiple times in annoyance at the stupidity that anyone actually believed this shit. And then immediately panicking when I realized that wasn't going to be a particularly valid way of stating it in my advanced research seminar. Luckily, I didn't have to worry about it because my teacher got up and immediately debunked the entire theory and explained how much she hated it. We totally bonded over our mutual hatred of social constructivism.
New eyes - My glasses and contacts are finally in at Pearle Vision. I cannot wait to pick them up this weekend and finally be able to see better out of my eye holes.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Things I Love Thursday
well-meaning friends - Even though their concerns were over-protective and unneeded, I feel quite good that I have so many people that care enough about me to tell me when they are concerned for me.
cocktails - Last week was the first cocktail party out in the suburbs. Liquor of the night was rum and I put on a pretty dress, made some appetizers, and sat on a couch meeting new people and drinking dark and stormies. Yum!
dinner with Carolyn - After much too long, I got to head out with my dear Carolyn Saturday night. We sat in the Mexican steakhouse we'd been dying to try (Revolucion) and stuffed our face with guacamole and fantastic tacos and pounding margaritas. It was a lovely evening.
an afternoon with Ivy Jane - I feel incredibly guilty admitting that it had been three months since the last time I made it to see Ivy. I even missed her 2nd birthday. But I showed up,stuffed owl in tow, for a beautiful afternoon in the park with the whole Arehart family. The weather was glorious, my dear little friend had not forgotten me and named her new owl "Percy", and it was hard to leave after dinner.
a week without homework - Having nothing to read or research or write for a whole week is sometimes the best gift a busy gal can get.
NaPoWriMo - It's April and I am once again writing a poem every day for the entire month. I really enjoy letting my creative side out of the cage every once in awhile.
running weather - I got in 2 miles before 6 am on Tuesday. There's a half-marathon to train for after all and it's finally not the worst weather in the world.
in-game feels - Oh, LARP. I intentionally made a character that wouldn't be particularly emotional. Lo and behold, last night found me sentimental and concerned and protective and angry all in the span of a couple of hours. Damn you, feels, you weren't supposed to happen to me.
cocktails - Last week was the first cocktail party out in the suburbs. Liquor of the night was rum and I put on a pretty dress, made some appetizers, and sat on a couch meeting new people and drinking dark and stormies. Yum!
dinner with Carolyn - After much too long, I got to head out with my dear Carolyn Saturday night. We sat in the Mexican steakhouse we'd been dying to try (Revolucion) and stuffed our face with guacamole and fantastic tacos and pounding margaritas. It was a lovely evening.
an afternoon with Ivy Jane - I feel incredibly guilty admitting that it had been three months since the last time I made it to see Ivy. I even missed her 2nd birthday. But I showed up,stuffed owl in tow, for a beautiful afternoon in the park with the whole Arehart family. The weather was glorious, my dear little friend had not forgotten me and named her new owl "Percy", and it was hard to leave after dinner.
a week without homework - Having nothing to read or research or write for a whole week is sometimes the best gift a busy gal can get.
NaPoWriMo - It's April and I am once again writing a poem every day for the entire month. I really enjoy letting my creative side out of the cage every once in awhile.
running weather - I got in 2 miles before 6 am on Tuesday. There's a half-marathon to train for after all and it's finally not the worst weather in the world.
in-game feels - Oh, LARP. I intentionally made a character that wouldn't be particularly emotional. Lo and behold, last night found me sentimental and concerned and protective and angry all in the span of a couple of hours. Damn you, feels, you weren't supposed to happen to me.
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