An Inconvenient Truth

I've been dealing with a lot of rage the past couple of weeks. Lies, unfairness, they've all just kind of taken their toll on me, and I'm so tired of life never working out the way I had planned. I've always tried to maintain a positive attitude and not dwell on the past and never regret the choices I've made but I'm just so angry right now with fate, with my most recent ex, with other guys in my past, and mostly with myself because I can't seem to believe that things are ever going to work out in my favor. This anger is causing me sleepless nights, bad archery lessons, and caused me to hit so hard that I pulled something horribly during boxing last night. And then it breaks me. I get so angry, I fall apart and end up a weeping mess on my shower floor begging for peace that never comes. There are so many good things happening for me lately and I just can't fully enjoy them because I can't let go of the hurts that have been done to me. 
I always wanted to be a mom. My first husband and I had the names picked out, when we would start trying, everything all planned. When he was gone and when relationship after relationship and more-than-friendship-that-never-became-a-relationship went belly up, I started telling everyone I didn't want it, that it wasn't important, it was the furthest thing from my mind. I even had myself pretty convinced for awhile that I'd be okay if that dream never worked out for me. But seeing my friends and my cousin and the amazing relationships they have with their daughters, that smile mirrored on the same tiny face, the intimacy of breastfeeding, watching them comfort their child the only way a mother can. I've been jealous. Every time Alba reaches for my hand and says, 'Come on, Emmy', every time Ella dances or sings or tells me all about her day, when Ivy hugs me or falls asleep in my arms, a little piece of my heart breaks.
Then, last year, I thought I had finally gotten close to allowing myself to dream again. Yes, I needed years to finish up my degrees, places I wanted to travel to, things I wanted to do first but I was finally with someone who wasn't financially dependent on me, who acted like a grown up, who I thought loved me, and who I could actually see a vividly happy future with. I let myself believe I could have a family one day and that, just once, things were going to work out well for me instead of going horribly wrong like the always do.
Sitting here today, with nothing to show and having to start all over again, I am angry. My first husband is still with the girl who destroyed our marriage. My ex took the girl he started dating as soon as I moved out three months ago on a trip for Valentine's day. And I feel like some sick cosmic joke and like every relationship I've been in or almost been in has been just one more lie I told myself to get through the pain of loneliness.
I'm angry and I don't know how to fix it.