making small talk

I am awkward as fuck in social situations. It takes a long time for me to be comfortable enough with someone to have an honest conversation about my views and opinions and, if I am in a room full of people I don't know particularly well, I tend to be quiet and reserved and sit in the corner waiting for someone to come to me. This comes from some weird little voice in the back of my head that is constantly telling me that I am not good enough and that, if I attempt to engage another person in conversation, that I will be made fun of or rejected. Over the past year or two, this has gotten progressively better. I finally came to the conclusion that I love who I am, other people genuinely like who I am as I am, and, if they don't, then they weren't really worth my time to begin with. However, this has been almost 30 years in the making and my initial interactions with people were so painfully uncomfortable that I'm lucky that I have a good many people that I can call genuine friends. So, for my fellow sufferers of social anxiety, low self-esteem, and generally unpopular folks, here are a few tips that can make your social interactions less stressful and more likely to end in success.

1. Know your favorites. These are the most basic of questions when getting to know someone new but you would be surprised by how many people don't have an answer to something so simple. What is your favorite book? movie? food? Don't just give one word answers either, be able to talk about it in length.

2. Have an opinion. It's okay to tell people how you feel. If it's something simple like, "what do you want to order in?" or something a bit meatier like, "what are your views on gay rights?" Be honest and confident but...

3. Respect other people's beliefs and opinions. Be open to discussion without attacking other people who don't agree with you. People can disagree and debate without slinging mud.

4. On that note, be nice. If you start name calling or being disrespectful or being obnoxiously loud about your opinion, it is unlikely that anyone is going to want to give you a second chance.

5. Be vocal. Trust me, sitting in the corner, being mousy and afraid to speak up will quickly turn you into the invisible girl. No one wants to try that hard to get to know someone.

6. Don't forget to listen. It's also incredibly irritating to be the person who never shuts up. Remember to take a breath and really hear what the other person has to say.

7. Don't undersell yourself. If you go into a social situation believing that everything you do and like is stupid and that you will be rejected, it is more likely that you will have a self-fulfilling prophecy and no one else will like you either.

8. But don't be cocky. An ounce of humility goes a long way toward being a likable human being.

9. Make eye contact. It's really uncomfortable when someone can't look at you when you're having a conversation with them.

10. Know your passion. The question that started to turn my life around in uncomfortable social situations was asked by someone who I now consider to be one of my dearest friends. The second time I ever met Amelia, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "What are you passionate about?" I have never jumped into a conversation with a near stranger with such vigor before. When you know what you're passionate about and are given the opportunity to open up about it with someone who is genuinely interested, you will shine in ways you never knew were possible.

Now go, my fellow geeks and anxiety-stricken muppets, and make new friends!