left behind

This is going to be one of those not so cheerful posts and for that I am sorry. I do my best to maintain a positive attitude and make my blogs as uplifting and encouraging as I can but it just doesn't always work. I also must add a vague disclaimer that this post is not meant to be accusatory, I am not trying to give anyone a guilt trip, I am just trying to get something off of my chest for reasons of my own personal sanity. Normally I would sit and talk this out with someone I'm close to but any time I try to say it out loud, I get inconsolably and disproportionately miserable and I really just don't have the time or energy to fall apart right now. So, with that said, on to the meat of my post.
I've been having a really tough struggle with my depression lately. As friends and family have been finding new relationships, getting engaged or married, and having babies, I have been having a terrible time feeling happy for them. Pretty much the best I can manage is to hit "Like" on Facebook. I have this constant underlying feeling of being left behind. Last summer, I knew about four or five couples that moved in together and, somehow, my relationship was the only one that didn't stand through that test. As everyone is getting engaged or married or finding someone new that they love, I wonder why I seem to be the only one who can't make it work. As I watch the people I care about welcome children into this world, I feel an ache of longing for something I'm afraid I'll never get to be a part of. I feel like I'm being punished for something and I have no idea what I've done that is so terrible to deserve the way that I feel.
I'm sure that part of it is that I've really been focusing on school this quarter. Judo is over until the fall, I haven't been to archery since April, and I've had relatively little contact with friends. The latter has been really eating at me and seems to be the largest factor behind my nightmares and insomnia. Let me start by saying that I have been immensely grateful to all of the friends that didn't abandon me when Michael and I split last fall. I understand that the easier decision would have been to stand by the person that was your original friend and that it is much more difficult to remain neutral, not choose sides, and continue to be friends with both parties. That being said, I've been feeling disconnected and left out a lot lately. I've been invited to a total of three board game nights in the past nine months, I haven't table topped since Dungeons & Danishes disbanded, and, despite the fact that there is a wonderful LARP going on right now of a game that I love with people I love to game with, I was asked not to participate right now because the people running it thought it would be awkward because Michael was one of the STs. It's been hard. Yes, I've had some lovely baby/dinner nights with Sarah and Tim, Amelia's Live Lit performance has sent me down a new path of interest, I've had lovely nights at Roller Derby with Elise et al, and Carolyn and I have had a few truly great races this spring. But I miss long nights of Arkham Horror, Game of Thrones, Small World, or Battlestar Galactica. When you're sitting at home with no plans on a Saturday, it would be extremely comforting to be crunched around a table guzzling snack food and rolling dice during a good old fashioned D&D game. I miss the thought and planning that go into character creation, costuming, makeup, hair, etc of a fantasy LARP. 
I feel like my break up took so much more from me than just a relationship Yes, I lost my boyfriend and, at the same time, my best friend but I also lost my possessions, my home, and the fantastic culture that my friends and I were a part of. They still listen to me and love me and spend time with me but I feel so separated from the way things were. I don't really know how to fix it and I don't really know when this feeling will let up but, right now, I'm struggling.