how we talk about ourselves and how we talk to others

As I sat working on my resume for grad school aps this week, I discovered something that I've never been quite able to put into words before. While I have no problem talking about things that are normally stigmatized like mental illness or bodily functions (i.e., I am perfectly comfortable talking about what's going wrong with me), I am nearly incapable of talking about my accomplishments. This makes so many things so much more difficult than they should be: writing my personal statement, my resume, even personal relationships that tend to see only what's going wrong and never get to hear about what's going right. I surround myself with confident people that get up and say "I am awesome and let me tell you all of the reasons why..." Even better, they're willing to say to me, "You are awesome and let me tell you all of the reasons why..." I can't even begin to find that within myself. The truth is, though, I don't think it's all my fault, I think, quite often, the way others in my life (partners, friends, family, coworkers) have chosen to speak to me about any form of conflict has made it difficult for me to remember that I'm not always the problem. So I'm going to try here to remind myself about some of the things that make me extraordinary because I seem to need reminding.

• I am an incredibly loyal friend and I will drop anything if someone I love needs me
• I'm going to quote Amelia on this one but I am "the Katharine Hepburn of pie making"
• I may have gotten a D in Ballet in college but I will kick your ass on the dance floor when swing music comes on
• I haven't met a recipe I couldn't make and make well
• I may not have a lot of experience yet but I'm pretty damn awesome at judo and archery
• After 7 years of telling myself that I would never be able to afford to go back to school, I am about to graduate from a kick ass university and go to grad school
• I have been self-harm free for over a decade now
• I have single-handedly brought this entire office into the new millennium (sometimes dragging others kicking as screaming as I go)
• I may prefer to spend most of my free time in a tshirt and workout pants but I look damn sexy when I femme up (now who's going to be my date to see Deadpool on Vday?)
• I'm a really good supervisor, I never wanted to be the in charge person, but I can get things done and keep up morale when I have underlings
• I'm a pretty darn good actor and singer (one day I will make my voice over demo)
• I am a great listener, I always know when it's time to shut the fuck up and just hear what's being said

And the most important, I am enough. You are enough. We are all doing the best we can and don't ever let anyone tell you different. And do everyone else a favor and keep telling them that. As a recently said to a very dear friend, "Go to the mirror right now and tell yourself 'I am a wonderful human. I am loved. I am not my failures.'" And keep doing it until you believe it.