Things I Love Thursday

Getting a night off - Last week, I was exhausted and felt like crap. I'd been sick most of the week and had just finished my first full day back at the office and still had an hour of therapy standing between me and my Thursday night class. So I emailed my teacher and got permission to come in, take our weekly quiz, and go home. That extra sleep was a life saver. 

A good party - Michael celebrated his birthday last week and, as usual, had a party full of the best of people and the best of liquor. I stayed much later than originally intended (I still made it to my class on time with coffee the next morning though) but I enjoyed myself more than I have in awhile. 

Good food and good company - Tuesday night I made a pot of chili and some cornbread and Michael and I curled up on the couch with my girls and watched Much Ado About Nothing. The food was excellent and the company was even better. I especially enjoyed watching it with someone who really got it and loved it as much as I do.

Getting to know someone new - I've started to make a few new friends (one who I've been talking to pretty much every day) and I really love the process of finding out someone else's story.

Working on goals - As previously mentioned, I'm currently in CBT once a week. We set a lot of goals short term and long term (being a planner, I love this). Right now we're working on my miserable sleep schedule and trying to get me back to a place where I'm actually capable of leaving my bed before I'm already running late in the morning. It's a work in progress but I can definitely see that her ideas work. 

This HuffPost Article - I've tried to emphasize a lot of these points here before. I also think it's great for anyone, not just women. 

My sister - She just gets me. I got some potentially bad news today and she knew right away exactly why I was freaked out. You don't get that kind of bond with everyone. 

asking for help

My sister has been having a rough time with her health lately. For those of you who don't know, she suffers from fibromyalgia and is also bipolar. The doctors have been screwing around with her meds and her fibro flairs have left her unable to do much of anything when she's not at work or class. So, recently, my mom posted on Facebook asking for anyone who could lend a hand to come help them clean her house. Several people jumped in and immediately offered there assistance and I am overwhelmed by their generosity. Then, I came across the following TED talk. When I posted this talk on fb, there was a lot of talk about how she spent the money from her kickstarter but let's not get into that here. Let's just take a minute and listen to the message of what she's telling you. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. I know a great number of people who struggle with this concept, myself included, but this is what I have to say to you:

• If you're struggling with your mental health and/or feeling like hurting yourself or others, it is okay to get medications and/or therapy. Fuck public stigma, people are assholes. The people who really matter will respect you for getting the help you need to better your life.
• If you're sick or otherwise incapable of getting through your every day life, it is okay to ask your friends and family for help. Even if it's something as simple as, 'Hey, could you pick me up some juice while you're at the store?' or something as complicated as, 'I've just cut off my finger, can you drive me to the emergency room?' I'm willing to bet the people who love you will drop what they're doing and help out.
• If you're lonely, don't be afraid to call your friends. *This happens to be one of my worst habits* Don't be afraid of rejection. Yes, sometimes they will be busy and unable to hang but, when they're free, I bet they're just as excited to see you as you are to see them.

What I'm getting at, is ASK. You will never know what you are missing out on until you finally have enough trust to fall back on the people who care about you. And a small addendum, if someone asks you for help and there is nothing particularly crucial deterring you, help. Realize how hard it is for others to ask and remember that it will probably come back to you the next time you need help of your own.

A Five Year Plan

A little over two years ago, I sat up into the wee hours of the morning having a heart to heart with someone who helped to shape who I am today in a very fundamental way. He asked me what my five year plan was. Back then I had no answers to his question. I had been drifting for so long and I felt that any of my hopes and dreams were unattainable so it was pointless to make a five year plan when nothing I ever did came to fruition. Over the next year, he helped me out of that place. Whenever I thought anything was impossible, we sat and talked out the logistics until it was actually possible. He taught me to let go of fear because when he reached out his hand and asked me to follow nothing ever seemed intimidating or impossible and the unknown was exciting instead of terrifying. 
I have a five year plan now. I want to finish my bachelor's degree. I want to make the Dean's list as many quarters as possible. I want to make it into the Master's in Higher Education program at NU. I want to get my position upgraded to reflect the work I'm doing instead of the work I was hired for. I want to bring my office into the new millennium and get away from all of the ridiculous paper we do. I want to put together a series of workshops on essential life skills that I believe are important for our students to know. I want to pay off all of my credit card debt. I have at least five more tattoos I want to get. I want to go skydiving. I want to travel to Italy as a graduation gift when I complete my bachelor's degree. I want to get to a point in therapy where I no longer have to be on medication for my depression. I want to be able to run a race that's more than five miles. I want to compete in an archery tournament. I want to get a demo tape together to send out for voice acting. I want a higher belt in judo. And I want to find a partner to do some of these things with. It doesn't have to be tomorrow or even next year but I'd like to find someone that encourages me to keep going and will hold my hand through the good times and the bad ones and will work as a team. *I don't know, that last one might be reaching a bit* :)
So here is my question to you, dear friends: what is your five year plan? If you don't have one, what are you afraid of? If you don't have one, find someone that motivates you and helps you find your real voice and tell your fear to shut up and shoot for the stars.

A Letter to My Students (whom I love)

Dear students:

I feel that we see each other often enough that I can give you some information that you might not otherwise glean from our short interactions. 

• There are 1600 of you and 1 of me. As much as I wish I remembered all of your names or the last thing we talked about and as much as I wish I could finish all of your required paperwork in a matter of a couple of days, I can't. There aren't enough hours in the day, I don't have enough hands, and I don't have enough brain power.
• I work through my lunch nearly every day so that I know there is always someone here to answer your questions. 
• I am not in particularly great shape because it takes me about an hour to get through a cup of soup with all of the interruptions so sometimes, when we're really busy, I eat chips and a candy bar because it's easier to get through and won't get cold. Also, the tea in my mug is almost always cold because the last time I got to take a sit was about twenty minutes ago.
• If I make it to the bathroom more than once during the day, I consider it a personal triumph. 
• I work here full-time and I also take weekend and evening classes so sometimes I might be a little more tired and less coherent than usual.
• I do the equivalent of about three people's worth of work.
• Working in university administrative services is what I want to do the rest of my life so that I can help make your college experience the best it can possibly be.

So please oh please be as patient with me as you can, keep your snide remarks to yourself, and remember every time you come in to "check on your paperwork" is time that I'm not working toward getting it done. 

<3

me

Things I Love Thursday

hair cuts - Well, the fabulous cut Michael gave me in July was still going strong but had gotten a little long for my taste. Also, as nice as it is to be able to just shave the underneath on my own, I just don't do as great of a job. So thanks to the wonderful Dan who cleaned me up and didn't give me too much crap for getting my hair done elsewhere.

big anniversaries - As many of you know, relationships have never really been my strong suit and I have very few people in my life that, even if they've made it many years down the road, that I consider to be great role models of good relationships. However, last week my dear friends, Tim and Sarah, celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary. They are both amazing people and wonderful parents and, even though I'm sure their relationship takes work, they are always kind to each other and give me something that I aspire to some day. 

poking the bear - Saturday night's LARP was highly amusing in many ways but making my friend Ryan's character super angry and sputtering in rage for a good 15 minutes was absolutely the highlight of the week. He's so cute when he's angry.

last race of the year - After a long day and very little sleep, I got up Sunday morning and ran the Hot Chocolate 5K in downtown Chicago. The truth is I haven't been training for it like I had planned and it wasn't a great race. My left leg seized up about five minutes in and didn't really feel like cooperating the rest of the race so I took a lot of walking breaks and had what is likely my most abysmal race time since high school. However, this was the race that I started back to running with last year and I finished and I'm going to try to train more for when I start race season back up next spring with the Cinco de Miler. 

equality - So with the Affordable Care Act finally giving my sister some health insurance she can manage to pay for already making my year, Illinois finally went and did something right by passing the Marriage Equality Bill on Tuesday. The thing is I believe in every form of equality. I think that everyone in the entire world should have equal access to marriage, health care, good education, three square meals, homes with roofs that don't leak and stay cool in the summer and warm in the winter, and anything else they could possibly need to get by. Call me a socialist and I will wear your badge with pride but for now I'll be over here doing my happy dance for all of my friends that are soon going to be having way cooler weddings than the rest of us.

babies - Dear lord all of my friends have adorable children. Watching all of your fabulous Halloween pictures go up last week was pretty "awww"-inspiring (see what I did there?). However, right now I'm getting super excited for the presence of two little end of winter/beginning of spring time babies: my friends Dann and Elise will be having a little boy and my coworker Heather is expecting a little girl. I can't wait to see their tiny, kissable faces!

therapy - I've been doing the Cymbalta thing for a little over a year now and, while I've had a pretty drastic change, I feel like things could be better. And the truth is I really don't want to be on meds the rest of the life. So yesterday I met with my new psychologist and I'll be starting on CBT to see if I can't get myself a little more cheerful and a little less sleepful. 

compliments - It's been a pretty good week for random compliments. Particularly amazing to me because I've felt pretty lousy and exhausted for a few weeks now and all I see when I look in the mirror is my paler than usual skin, the dark circles under my eyes, and the extra weight I've been slowly adding on as I haven't had time or money to get to my regular exercise routines. Don't get me wrong, I'm used to my friends and family always being willing to remind me how awesome I am but it's even better when it's someone else. To start off with, we are relatively certain that Ivy was trying to brush her little wisps of hair down into her face to have bangs like me which was ridiculously endearing. The same night, two separate random guys on the street stopped me to tell me I was beautiful. Then, over the course of advising week, I've had several students come in that hadn't seen me yet this year and told me how cool my hair cut was. It definitely helped put the rest of my issues out of my mind and remember they're what I see and not what everyone else sees.

Things I Love Thursday

feeling old in the best possible way - This week my younger cousins were full of good news. My cousin, Christopher, proposed to his girlfriend on Sunday. My cousin, Caitlyn, also got engaged on Sunday. And then my cousin, Kaylee, got engaged last night. I vividly remember when every single one of them was born and wish them all of the happiness in the world. Even if it means reminding me how old I am. 

blanket forts - Friday night, Noah and Terri had a brilliant idea of a party. We covered the floor with air mattresses and blankets and pillows, we ate junk food and drank hot cider, and we snuggled up together and watched The Addams Family and Beetlejuice in a perfect celebration of Autumn.

mama visits - Saturday and Sunday were pretty much dedicated to my mommy. She drove up early in the morning and started the weekend off with blueberry pancakes, fried eggs, bacon, and matcha lattes. She then took me shopping for cute little pumpkins and gourds and fall-like decor for my porch in order to make it look more inhabited, some groceries, and other little things to spruce up my apartment. Saturday night she made my favorite food: fried chicken, chicken gravy, mashed potatoes, brussel sprouts, and biscuits. We spent the rest of the weekend antiquing, checking out several vintage stores, and watching Much Ado About Nothing. It was lovely and helped a great deal with my incredibly crappy mood from the week before.

brunch - My dearest Craig came up on Sunday to see Once for his birthday. My mom and I met up with him for a lovely brunch at The Publican and it was good to see the man who has always signed my birthday cards "Aunt". 

a creative eye - I can do a killer makeup design and pull any number of fabulous pieces out of any costume vault I've entered but I cannot make my own things. I can't tweek my clothes to perfection and most art projects leave me staring at blank canvas. So many thanks to Makena who helped me make a killer mask and come up with a better costume for Saturday's masked ball. I would have looked like a total frump without her. 

90 Miles Cuban Cafe - Tuesday night we went out to celebrate my cousin, Alysia's, 25th birthday. We went to a cute little BYOB Cuban restaurant and spent several hours stuffing ourselves with amazingly flavored meats, rice, beans, wine, amazing desserts, and all of the plantains we could eat. Highly recommended to my fellow Chicagoans. 

Milli-love - Yesterday, we lost a great man and fantastic teacher. David "Doc" Golden taught many of us so much more than appreciation of theatre lit and seeing all of the outpouring of love over social media yesterday reminds me of what a great bond we will always have. 

my supervisor's right hand - Today, in a staff meeting, I jokingly called myself "Donna's right hand" to which she replied "and my left". No matter how much crap I go through at my job, it's nice to be reminded every now and again that I am appreciated.

the strength of your convictions

Yes, Thursday is usually devoted to my TILT posts but it's been a bit of a slow week, there was a lovely party last weekend that I thoroughly enjoyed and I've spent the rest of the past week catching up on work projects, housework in prep for mom's weekend visit, and homework. So with all of that being said, I'll go off on a bit of a "something that made me feel good" post.

Last week, I had a fantastic night out with my cousin, Alysia, who is about to turn 25 and has reached that "what do I do next" stage of life. I remember this point in my life clearly and had a few difficult years of trying to figure out who adult Em is, where she was going, what she wanted to do with her life. It was daunting. Now, five years later, I still have moments where I don't really feel like a grown-up and, at the times when I'm barely paying the bills, I don't always feel like I've got my life together as well as I should. However, last week, Alysia looked at me and said, "Tell me what I should do. Be my life coach." Amusingly, it isn't the first time I've had this similar conversation lately. The people that have asked my advice are anywhere from just graduated high school to late-50s who still don't know what they want to be when they grow up. Alysia told me she clearly remembered when I decided where I was heading with my life and how I had spoken about my goals with such conviction. Which I guess is part of where my "secret" lies. 

So here is my unsolicited advice for all of you lovely people that care enough to read my blog and need a little bit of guidance for the next step in your life:

It is not ever going to be easy. You won't just wake up tomorrow and have all of the answers. In fact, even when you're 90, you probably still won't have all of the answers. 

You have to have an end goal before you can find the steps to get there. I know this sounds obvious but so many people just drift, grasping at whatever comes along, and these are the people that find accomplishing their goals to be a difficult task. Life gets ever so much easier when you have a list of goals (places you want to go, things you want to do, etc). When you know where you're aiming, it's easier to find your footing and the next step along your path.

Dream big. You want to be a Muppet or the voice of a Disney princess? I promise no one will laugh at you if that's what you're really passionate about. No what field you'd like to be in? Find your dream job (the one you'd have a one in a million chance of getting) then work toward it. Even if you don't get there, I bet you find something you like doing just as much. 

Do what you love and love what you do. Yes, we all have to have random jobs that are just there to pay the bills but, when it comes down to what you do with your free time and what you try to build your career on, remember that if you don't love it, it's okay to move on and find something you do.

There is no such thing as failure. You just haven't gotten there yet. It could take you six months or sixty years to achieve all of your goals. Some of them you might outgrow or they will mutate into something different. But if you've spent your entire life working toward your goals, I promise, even if you didn't meet every one of them, you will still have had a pretty fulfilling life and probably found some things you never expected along the way.

In the end, I think it's the strength of your convictions that gets you where you're going. If you believe anything strong enough and are willing to put in the hard work behind it, anything is possible.