Lies, rumors, and gossip: if you don't have anything nice to say...

It should be no surprise to anyone that I can't stand liars (especially if you had the great privilege of meeting my first husband). It's a concept that I just cannot wrap my mind around, I can't understand why people tell lies to people they love or, even worse, about other people. This has been a pretty distressing topic for me lately as my sister and my moopit have been the victims of this disgusting practice. I'm not going to go into the details or repeat the filth that has been said about two of the people that mean the most to me but let's just say that they're the kind of lies that could do permanent damage to a person's reputation and self-image. With moopit it's been worse because it has caused several rifts among the people I consider to be my friends. The gossip mill has been strong with this one and, while a few friends recognized something fishy, several people believed the lies without ever checking in for another perspective or side of the story. It's caused a lot of stress to the people I care about and makes me really want to bow out of the group involved entirely. So here's my friendly little reminder, dearest readers, if you don't have anything nice to say, just keep your mouth shut. There is never a good reason to spread lies about another human being and, if you hear something particularly terrible about someone else, maybe you should double check all of your facts before spreading it around and ostracizing that person. Let's try and spread a little love for a change, the world has enough problems.

things I never thought I'd be doing

It never ceases to amaze how much life can change in such small amounts of time and here are a few things that I never would have thought I'd be doing three years ago:

- Going back to school and being successful at it.
- Sharing my words and thoughts with everyone without being scared of rejection.
- Loving judo, archery, and running.
- Spending hours of TV binge-watching platonic bliss on the couch with my ex who is now my best friend.
- Fighting for a promotion I never thought I'd be considered for.
- Going camping in the woods of Indiana once a month for the sake of a LARP.
- Being so busy that I sometimes have to turn down plans.
- Planning a care package for a soldier in Germany that I'm pretty smitten with who used to be my best friend.
- Having tons of close lady friends (this is still sometimes weird to me).
- Taking cooking classes and being really good at it.
- Having confidence and independence and control over my social anxiety and depression.

Life's a funny thing. I can't wait to see what changes the next three years bring. 

random thoughts

• Five years ago Emily was a bit of an idiot
• I love when people are protective of their friends
• I love it even more when people use that protectiveness and stand up for their friends
• I really hate messy breakups and people who force other people to make uncomfortable decisions
• Also people that feel the need to stick their nose in where it simply doesn't belong (seriously, folks, mind your business)
• Sometimes the best cure for a week of emotional ick is a weekend spent in your sweatpants, curled up in bed with a good book and your dog
• Emotional angst is good for my writing so I'm pretty sure I'm in for a 4.0 this quarter
• Maybe I should stop turning down the nice guys that ask me out
• I love my little hobbit hole but my landlady drives me nuts
• Why do fire alarm batteries always start to die and start shouting at you in the middle of the night?
• I am ridiculously awesome at my job and it's going to be great experience for when I finish this degree and go for an academic advisor position
• Even though my godfather has been an emotionally abusive jerk my entire life, I appreciate him buying me dinner and it was worth it to finally see my gran up in Chicago
• I am seriously dying to see The Judge this weekend
• Three hours of sleep is totally worth it when you spent the entire night with friends and your favorite on-leave soldier boy
• I wish my mommy came to visit me in Chicago every weekend (okay, okay, I wish my mommy lived in Chicago and I could see her whenever I want)
• Some days I miss the quiet life I had in Arlington Heights with Maggie
• My dog is better at snuggling than everyone else on the planet
• I don't feel like dealing with anything serious right now so I'm just ignoring it until my own head space is better

Things I Love Thursday

playing pretend - My friend's wife hates that he LARPs. She refers to our DR weekends as "grownups going to play pretend in the woods". While I believe she meant this as a negative comment, I think that's exactly what we do and I am not ashamed. People tease me relentlessly as I practice new voices and talk to myself with puppet eyes attached to my hand. LARPers are considered the geeks of the gamer geeks but I could not be happier to bear this title. Playing pretend keeps me young and helps me from taking life too seriously and I can't wait to get back to it next month.

beautiful fall days - Whether or not we are ready for it, fall has hit Chicago. I had a lovely Saturday of errands walking out in the cool weather in my NU hoodie with a hot cup of coffee.

best run of the year - I've been having particularly painful runs this year. For whatever reason my shin splints have been really terrible. However, somehow I managed to get them stretched out early on in the race and the Bucktown 5K went better than any of the races I've done yet this year.

lady dates - Since I was already right around the corner when my race finished, I got to spend the morning drinking coffee and eating delicious Stan's donuts with my lovely Elise and I also got to give baby D a good squeeze before I went home.

the most comfortable sweatpants - Seriously, RAM racing, all of your races should forego the usual running shirt and be replace with the amazing unisex sweatpants we got for the Bucktown 5K. At the end of every day I just cannot wait to get home and put them on for the rest of the night. Warm, comfy, and, because they're unisex, a size small which makes me feel a lot skinnier than I am at the moment.

one last week without homework - Tuesday night I will start back to the world of going to class and spending all of my week nights reading. I'm really going to miss my evenings of leisure.

productive work conversations - So, after being a bit disappointed that it appeared I would not be getting a promotion after all, my dean pulled me into his office on Monday evening. He wanted to get a better idea of everything I had taken over since Donna retired and reassure me that he was still planning on getting me the correct job title and pay. It was a great relief.

choir - The one thing I have missed more than anything since I moved to Chicago has been the opportunity to sing on a regular basis and I have missed being involved in a choir ever since I dropped my music major back in 2003. When I saw that NU's Music Academy groups were going to be performing Mozart's Requiem (my absolute favorite piece of choral music) in the winter quarter, I knew that the fates were telling me it was time to suck it up and start auditioning again. Despite my insanely terrible audition nerves, less than a week of preparation, and five years of only singing in the shower or the car, I had a good audition. The woman was extremely complimentary and, while she's waiting to hear all of the auditions, I will be in one of the music ensembles when I'm able to start rehearsing with them in the winter quarter. This has been the best news I've gotten in a very long time.

Things I Love Thursday

dragon con - I have loved the con scene since I started going to Wizard World four years ago. This year, I went bigger and better and flew down to Atlanta to spend four gorgeous days at Dragon Con with my cousin, Heather. All of the con goers that I encountered were respectful of each other and the city and the staff of all of the hotels and local businesses. I went to panels on puppetry, makeup design, and voice acting. I went to Buffy trivia and Doctor Who discussions. I met Amy Acker and Todd McIntosh. I went to panels with J. August Richards, Emma Caulfield, Julie Benz, and Cary Elwes. I got tons of free swag. This kind of event with nerds en masse just makes my skin tingle and smile a little bit bigger.

my ob/gyn - I know this is a little weird to say but the truth is I have never been comfortable in a doctor's office. I have a very hard time talking about my physical self and that goes double at the lady's doctor. However, my doc (and her RN and her front desk staff) is just the kindest woman and has put me at ease ever since the first time I walked into her office. It's good to be able to trust your medical team.

pushing my limits - I tried to do a half marathon on Sunday. I really only ended doing about a 15K and didn't get in nearly as much running as I would have liked due to a terrible lack of training, being sick and sore from my previous weekend trip, and a summer of way too much indulgence. But now I know where my current limit is. Just how far I can push myself. So now I know what to aim on breaking over the next year.

my support system - Summer was rough and I had a bit of a breakdown Monday night. And nearly every person who is important to me came through with flying colors and set me back on my feet. I got words of support, pictures of boobs, and the moopit bought me dinner and spent the evening binge watching True Detective with me. I'm incredibly lucky to have them all.

dive bars and good friends - I spent all of last night drinking cider and shooting the shit with the Tinsleys. It was great conversation and the awesome bartender enjoyed talking to us so much that she gave us a round on her. The lovely walk through the suddenly cool fall air of Chicago was pretty great too.

Rediscovering Balance

I always strive to try and maintain a balanced life; remembering which priorities and people are important and trying to keep myself healthy and happy. I think I can safely say that this summer was a fail as far as balance is concerned. I'm not saying this to be self-deprecating but because the only way to move on and rediscover my balance is to accept that there is a problem to begin with. 
Most of the past couple of years I have been a rock. I've been getting mostly As and Bs in school, keeping active and staying strong and healthy, being mentally stronger than I have in (I don't know) ever, powering through all of the bureaucratic crap at my job, keeping up financially, and spending time with my friends without wearing myself too thin. 
This summer was rough. I was burnt out and got Cs in my classes. I kept injuring myself and getting sick so my running training fell by the wayside. This means that the half marathon I participated in on Sunday was mostly walking and I had to cross over on the course and skip about four miles. My eating is once again out of control and I am the heaviest I have been since before I moved to Chicago. I can't afford any of the judo, archery, dancing, or gym classes I usually like to participate in. I am so off budget that I can't really afford much of anything besides rent and bills. My supervisor retired at the beginning of the summer and not only have we not hired anyone new (which means I'm doing both of our jobs), I also have still not gotten the promotion I have been repeatedly promised over the past three years. I also have a large group of people who are important to me that I haven't been able to devote as much time to as I would like. I've also been giving a lot of mental energy to people that aren't always the greatest at returning the favor. I spent last night sitting on my couch sobbing for about two hours because all of these things combined have finally broken my ever optimistic spirit. 
I don't really know what the answer is. I know I have to take some stock and do a lot of life recalculations. I know that my LARPs always make me happy so they will be staying on the calendar for the time being. I know that I need to not overbook myself so much during the week so that I can actually keep up with my homework. I know that I need to get a killer resume and cover letter together while continuing to fight for my promotion. I know I need to redo my entire budget. I know I need to take more control over my diet and activity levels. And I know that next week I have an audition to join the Northwestern Music Academy chorus because I need more music in my life. But I'm still looking at everything and wondering if I really have the strength to get it done.

Things I Love Thursday

homemade ice cream
prosecco
summer dance
long walks downtown
good sushi and lovely ladies for company
the last day of class



I swear, starting next week, I'll start putting a little more brain power into my blog. Right now final papers are taking up all of my brain.