I always used to wonder why some of my friends seemed so much happier than I did. Was it that they never experienced hardships or did they have some secret to enjoying life that I was incapable of discovering? I feel like I've started to figure out a few of the answers.
First off, get help. If you are suffering from extreme anxiety and depression and have been for many year, go get help. Go on antidepressants, see a therapist, do something. I feel like this is something I shouldn't have to say in this day and age but the stigma around labeling ourselves with mental disorders is still rampant. I spent the past fifteen years telling myself that it wasn't that bad and I could handle it myself and that I didn't need anyone's help. I self-harmed, I skipped classes, I spent hours locked up in my room/apartment in front of a computer or a video game or the TV, I was scared to go to parties or auditions or the gym or to sign up for a new activity, I never made plans with friends because I was always scared of getting rejected. I was ashamed to ask for help because I thought it made me weak. Last summer I finally went on Cymbalta and it's been a life changer. It's so much easier to get out and do the things I need to do and, more importantly, the things I want to do. Treat your mental self well. Stop tearing yourself down, stop telling yourself that you can't, and don't be ashamed of your chemical imbalance, get help.
Second, treat your body well. You are always going to feel like crap if you constantly feed crap into your system. Eat some fruits and veggies, skip the fast food, don't skip breakfast, quit smoking, move. I'm not saying go vegan or starting training for a marathon. Even little changes can make a huge difference in how you physically feel and your general attitude about life.
Third, treat others well. Stop the cattiness among women, stop bullying and insulting people outside of your comfort zone, let go of anger. Toxicity breeds toxicity and all of this anger and bitchiness hurts you just as much if not more than it hurts the other person.
Do something fulfilling. Create attainable goals and take steps to accomplish them. The most depressed I have ever been when I was stuck in the stagnation of unfulfilled hopes and dreams. It's not always easy or quick but just having a goal is a good start. Sitting around not knowing where you want to go next makes you feel hopeless. Moping about all of the things that didn't work out just makes you feel like shit. You want a specific job, figure out what you need to get it. You want to live in a different city, start researching cost of living and applying to jobs. You want to act/sing/dance, audition. You want to lose weight, change your diet and join a gym. Always wanted a tattoo/to take judo/go skydiving, go do it. People always regret the things they didn't do more than the things they did.
Most importantly, happiness is a choice. Things will happen that are outside your control. Your partner will leave, a friend will hurt you, people will lie, a relative will die, there will be natural disasters. But how you choose to react is what will define who you are. You are allowed to be sad, you are allowed to feel anger, you are allowed to be lonely but you can't allow those feelings to define you. Without knowing the pain of sorrow, you will never be able to fully appreciate the true ecstasy of joy. If you never fight with your partner, you won't truly appreciate the quiet times when you sit in silence just enjoying your togetherness. If you have never lost, you won't appreciate the new people and things you discover along the way. To quote the great and wonderful Stephen Sondheim, "If life were only moments, then you'd never know you had one." Use your pain to find new depths of happiness and as an experience that will lead to new discoveries.
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