Post-Emily Post, A Monday Snark: Workplace Edition

I have been reminded today that some people have no idea how to appropriately function in the workplace so today I will be giving you all a few helpful suggestions.

1) As a new hire, do not come in trying to throw your weight around. Everyone has been here longer than you have and will not take kindly to you trying to take parts of their job or going around telling everyone what you will NOT be doing. They also know what your job entails better than you do at the moment so try to be a little humble and respectful.

2) Most offices prefer a team environment. So, unless it has been made very clear to you that there is an office hierarchy, treat the rest of your team as equals despite their position and educational experience. This will also make them more likely to help you when you eventually need it.

3) Don't shout across the office. The person you are shouting at could have someone in their office. Either pick up the telephone or get off your ass and walk over there if it's that important.

4) Personal calls are not meant for office hours. However, if for some reason you have to make one during the day, try to keep it short and maybe during your lunch hour. Also, if you're not going to leave the office to make the personal call, at least have the courtesy to close your office door so that you don't interrupt everyone else's day discussing where you will be meeting your friend for brunch next Sunday.

5) The office staff person (administrative assistant, secretary, whatever the hell you want to call it) should be your best friend. You should take the time to know their names and listen to and respect their opinions when they put them forward. They have control over EVERYTHING and can make your life as simple or as difficult as they want to.

6) Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your coworkers are way more likely to be cheerful about helping you before you screw up something huge.

7) Communicate, communicate, communicate. Do not assume that everyone is on the same page. Thanks to this lovely little thing called the internet, it is extremely easy to get the information out there. Trust me, most people would rather have too many emails than have to constantly guess as to what's going on in the office.