So, for a large part of my adult life, it has become abundantly clear to me that a lot of people are lacking a specific type of knowledge: common courtesy. There are rules, some of them unspoken but lots of them should have been taught to us at a fairly young age, that people just either don't know or choose to ignore because they think they are somehow special. So I've decided to dedicate Mondays to this particular topic that plagues my life. This week I am choosing to focus on transportation.
Walkers:
Crosswalks are there for a reason, please use them. Don't cross in the middle of the street or when the light is red, you are endangering your own life and the lives of others and that extra five seconds it would have taken to walk to the corner or wait out the light is not going to make that much of a difference in your arrival time. Walk with purpose and watch where you are going. There is truly nothing more obnoxious than not being able to pass a slow walker because they wander about on the sidewalk or being run into because someone is looking everywhere except the direction in which they are walking. If you bump into someone, be nice and say excuse me. Remember that you are NOT the only person/people trying to use the sidewalk. If you are walking in a large group (or even as a couple), try to not take up the entire sidewalk and give room for faster people to pass you by and, if you see someone coming toward you, maybe give them a little room instead of driving them off into the grass/road.
Public transit riders:
No, no one likes the public trans. Buses and trains are often crowded, uncomfortable, and smell of whatever odd combination of homeless folks, hippies, to-go food, and various bodily odors have passed through that day. But we could at least all try to make everyone's trip as pleasant as possible. So let's start with smell: wear deodorant (no one wants to smell your b.o.), almost no one likes the smell of patchouli so maybe you could leave it for home, your perfume/cologne/extreme floral scented hair spray/etc may smell really great to you but there are a ton of people that are highly allergic to those type of scents so either tone it down or don't wear it when you're going to be in small enclosed spaces, if you have to eat on the bus maybe you could go for a nice sub sandwich or yogurt instead of that can of tuna, and try to save those huge raunchy farts for when you get back off of the trans. You do not need more than one seat. If you are completely healthy individual, please give that seat up to the elderly, people with tiny children, people on crutches, or pregnant women. Use your indoor voice, no one else wants to hear your conversation and we probably don't think your inside joke is as funny as you do. When we're all packed in like sardines, squeeze in to all of the empty spaces and try to accommodate people trying to leave at the next stop.
Skateboarders/runners/rollerbladers/etc:
I understand in a town like Chicago, it is difficult to find good places to participate in these types of activities. However, speeding down the sidewalk on the busiest part of Belmont and expecting everyone else to get out of your way is just douche-y. Go to a trail or a skate park or find one of the several less inhabited sidewalks to enjoy your activity on and, if you happen to be passing a walker, notify them in plenty of time which side you are coming up on and try to be kind about it. We're more likely to move for you, if you don't act like we are intentionally ruining your day by walking on YOUR part of the sidewalk. (also, see prior walkers paragraph on crosswalks)
Bikers:
First and foremost, if you are riding on the road (which, in Chicago, it is illegal to do otherwise), YOU HAVE THE SAME RULES AS CARS. It is not appropriate to drive in between lanes of traffic because you think that you are somehow entitled to get where you're going ahead of everyone else that is also waiting in the line of traffic. Also, stop signs and stop lights are not suggestions, they are laws. Every time you blow through the stop sign and narrowly miss running over an innocent pedestrian in the crosswalk, baby Jesus kills a puppy. If for some reason, you are riding your bike on a sidewalk, realize that you are the one in the way, not everyone else. If the sidewalk is super crowded, might I suggest getting off and walking your bicycle like a polite human being? If you run into me with your bike because you are too rude to share the sidewalk/roads, I will throw your bike in front of the nearest bus and make you watch as it is smashed to bits.
Drivers:
Pedestrians have the right of way...ALWAYS. Even the obnoxious douche nozzles that cross in the middle of the street when you have a green light, you cannot hit them no matter how satisfying it would be. However, if someone is in the crosswalk and you have a stop sign or light, do not blow through and scream out your window that they should watch where they are going, you are actually in the wrong. Use your turn signal. Obviously you know where you're going but that guy about to hit you in the ass doesn't know you're turning if that little light isn't blinking. If you are, for whatever reason, unclear of the rules of four way stop signs, maybe you could give yourself a quick refresher. Traffic weaving is obnoxious and, again, will not actually make that much of a difference in your arrival time. Your horn is for emergencies ONLY. If you use it for anything else, you should be punished with a plague of boils.
Anything I missed? Any suggestions for future Monday snark that you'd like to see?
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