Things I Love Thursday

getting spoiled by my bff - A few of us ladies had a particularly shitty Thanksgiving so my wonderful moopit took us out Friday night. Drinks and cheese at Eno, amazing dinner at Purple Pig, and a movie. I felt much loved and in a way better mood by the end of the evening.

birdman - I know this movie isn't going to be for everyone and it's going to get a lot of varying reviews but I loved it and thought it was brilliant. There are some truly beautiful shots and the acting is incredible. Not everyone was in agreement on what the movie was about but I also think that's one of the things that make it so good.

serious conversations - You know, about the future and...stuff. I admittedly spent a large amount of the weekend absorbed in these kind of conversations and they're not that scary and I really like where they seem to be headed. There's a lot of work to do but I'm okay with it.

cranberry bread - Oh man, our new dean in training is kind of awesome and brought us all a loaf of cranberry bread last week. I proceeded to eat a half of a loaf in one sitting this weekend and I seriously needs the recipe.

origami - I just kind of recently (as in last weekend) got back into this. I forgot how calming it is for me to just sit and fold paper for awhile. But, um, now I need more paper...

end of the quarter - My finals are about to be all turned in and I am done with classes until January 5th, this is incredibly wonderful. Now I can focus on studying for the College Mathematics and learning some useful German.

no staff meetings until January - These are such a weird time suck during my day. Sometimes they are useful, most weeks they're...not. It will be lovely to just have that hour back on Thursdays for a few weeks.

being able to give a student good news - Seriously, guys, this NEVER happens. I'm the one that emails students and tells them they're on probation or that they screwed up and can't graduate. But today a student came in hyperventilating and crying because she couldn't locate her final. Turns out she was six hours early not fifteen minutes late and telling her that and giving her a hug kind of made my day.

Things I Love Thursday

As per usual, when things are going well for me, I find it more and more difficult to settle down to write and, more often than not, sit listening to songs with beautiful lyrics and smiling silently to myself. But the holiday weekend was not the greatest for me so I think a reminder of the good things is in order:

Pie - Oh man, I really do bake a killer pie and the Bailey's Irish Cream Pumpkin Pie I made last week had me going back for thirds.

Cider - The alcoholic kind. It helped me through my trip home and discovering my favorite cider (Vandermill Totally Roasted) on tap at a local bar last night reminded me just how much I love this city.

My IT staff - So on Tuesday I thought I had completely destroyed my auditing system and lost a large amount of the work I'd put in over the past year. Yesterday, my wonderful crew worked with me to find the exact problem and fixed it. No greater relief than getting that beautiful email.

My mum - Because even when she says something that hurts my feelings, she immediately realizes it and apologizes the next day. And because we cook some damn good meals together.

The family I chose - Don't get me wrong, there are some truly lovely people that share my genetic code but there are even more that make me feel incredibly uncomfortable in their presence. Being a bisexual agnostic liberal is not something about me they can accept or love and they spew bigotry, judgement, and hatred. However, the friends I have made here are like the family I always wished I had and they make me feel truly warm and fuzzy inside.

This guy - You know that one I vaguebook about and refer to as soldier in adorably sickening tweets. I'm trying not to explode happiness about it everywhere but it leaks out every now and then and can't wait to get Germany and see him again.

Things I Love Thursday

It's been a while since I've done one of these so here are a few things that I'm loving right now. Right now the things I love most are people.

Moopit - Whether we're contemplating what new show we should waste our time on or discussing which nerf weapon I should mod for my crossbow in DR or finding a new place to eat or discussing that awesome pair of shoes I want to buy, this guy is seriously the best friend a lady could have.

Helpful friends - I was seriously violently sick with the stomach flu last week and, even though I didn't actually need any help, there were so many people that would have been willing to bring me food or do anything if I needed them, it makes me feel extremely blessed. Special shout outs to Resa who made sure I didn't have to walk home from Changeling Saturday night.

My mum - For always covering my ass and being there for me in every way she knows how. I cannot wait to take her out to feel the awesomeness of the Chicago running community on Sunday. 

My soldier - This guy has been a good friend of mine for over eight years now and one of the reasons I didn't curl up in a ball of loneliness and terror when I moved to Chicago. He may be in Germany for the next three years but I have pretty high hopes that we have a pretty shiny future ahead of us.

high ideals

I believe...

That every person deserves honesty and kindness and, if someone is unwilling to give those things to you, they aren't worth your time.

In second chances. We're all human and we make mistakes. It's only when someone keeps repeating the same offence and expecting forgiveness that maybe we need to rethink the relationship.

That every person should have access to affordable necessary health and mental care. And for that matter, a warm place to sleep and a healthy meal. Starvation or freezing to death aren't appropriate punishments for poor life decisions or uncontrollable circumstances.

In love that lasts forever and is worth waiting for.

In traveling the world, eating well, having fun, learning everything you can, and experiencing as much as possible before you die.

Friends can be more family than the ones you were born with.

In standing up for the less fortunate and the less privileged and fighting the fights that other people aren't willing to fight.

The individual is more important than the group.

That when your loved ones need you, you drop everything and do everything in your power to help them.

Lies, rumors, and gossip: if you don't have anything nice to say...

It should be no surprise to anyone that I can't stand liars (especially if you had the great privilege of meeting my first husband). It's a concept that I just cannot wrap my mind around, I can't understand why people tell lies to people they love or, even worse, about other people. This has been a pretty distressing topic for me lately as my sister and my moopit have been the victims of this disgusting practice. I'm not going to go into the details or repeat the filth that has been said about two of the people that mean the most to me but let's just say that they're the kind of lies that could do permanent damage to a person's reputation and self-image. With moopit it's been worse because it has caused several rifts among the people I consider to be my friends. The gossip mill has been strong with this one and, while a few friends recognized something fishy, several people believed the lies without ever checking in for another perspective or side of the story. It's caused a lot of stress to the people I care about and makes me really want to bow out of the group involved entirely. So here's my friendly little reminder, dearest readers, if you don't have anything nice to say, just keep your mouth shut. There is never a good reason to spread lies about another human being and, if you hear something particularly terrible about someone else, maybe you should double check all of your facts before spreading it around and ostracizing that person. Let's try and spread a little love for a change, the world has enough problems.

things I never thought I'd be doing

It never ceases to amaze how much life can change in such small amounts of time and here are a few things that I never would have thought I'd be doing three years ago:

- Going back to school and being successful at it.
- Sharing my words and thoughts with everyone without being scared of rejection.
- Loving judo, archery, and running.
- Spending hours of TV binge-watching platonic bliss on the couch with my ex who is now my best friend.
- Fighting for a promotion I never thought I'd be considered for.
- Going camping in the woods of Indiana once a month for the sake of a LARP.
- Being so busy that I sometimes have to turn down plans.
- Planning a care package for a soldier in Germany that I'm pretty smitten with who used to be my best friend.
- Having tons of close lady friends (this is still sometimes weird to me).
- Taking cooking classes and being really good at it.
- Having confidence and independence and control over my social anxiety and depression.

Life's a funny thing. I can't wait to see what changes the next three years bring. 

random thoughts

• Five years ago Emily was a bit of an idiot
• I love when people are protective of their friends
• I love it even more when people use that protectiveness and stand up for their friends
• I really hate messy breakups and people who force other people to make uncomfortable decisions
• Also people that feel the need to stick their nose in where it simply doesn't belong (seriously, folks, mind your business)
• Sometimes the best cure for a week of emotional ick is a weekend spent in your sweatpants, curled up in bed with a good book and your dog
• Emotional angst is good for my writing so I'm pretty sure I'm in for a 4.0 this quarter
• Maybe I should stop turning down the nice guys that ask me out
• I love my little hobbit hole but my landlady drives me nuts
• Why do fire alarm batteries always start to die and start shouting at you in the middle of the night?
• I am ridiculously awesome at my job and it's going to be great experience for when I finish this degree and go for an academic advisor position
• Even though my godfather has been an emotionally abusive jerk my entire life, I appreciate him buying me dinner and it was worth it to finally see my gran up in Chicago
• I am seriously dying to see The Judge this weekend
• Three hours of sleep is totally worth it when you spent the entire night with friends and your favorite on-leave soldier boy
• I wish my mommy came to visit me in Chicago every weekend (okay, okay, I wish my mommy lived in Chicago and I could see her whenever I want)
• Some days I miss the quiet life I had in Arlington Heights with Maggie
• My dog is better at snuggling than everyone else on the planet
• I don't feel like dealing with anything serious right now so I'm just ignoring it until my own head space is better

Things I Love Thursday

playing pretend - My friend's wife hates that he LARPs. She refers to our DR weekends as "grownups going to play pretend in the woods". While I believe she meant this as a negative comment, I think that's exactly what we do and I am not ashamed. People tease me relentlessly as I practice new voices and talk to myself with puppet eyes attached to my hand. LARPers are considered the geeks of the gamer geeks but I could not be happier to bear this title. Playing pretend keeps me young and helps me from taking life too seriously and I can't wait to get back to it next month.

beautiful fall days - Whether or not we are ready for it, fall has hit Chicago. I had a lovely Saturday of errands walking out in the cool weather in my NU hoodie with a hot cup of coffee.

best run of the year - I've been having particularly painful runs this year. For whatever reason my shin splints have been really terrible. However, somehow I managed to get them stretched out early on in the race and the Bucktown 5K went better than any of the races I've done yet this year.

lady dates - Since I was already right around the corner when my race finished, I got to spend the morning drinking coffee and eating delicious Stan's donuts with my lovely Elise and I also got to give baby D a good squeeze before I went home.

the most comfortable sweatpants - Seriously, RAM racing, all of your races should forego the usual running shirt and be replace with the amazing unisex sweatpants we got for the Bucktown 5K. At the end of every day I just cannot wait to get home and put them on for the rest of the night. Warm, comfy, and, because they're unisex, a size small which makes me feel a lot skinnier than I am at the moment.

one last week without homework - Tuesday night I will start back to the world of going to class and spending all of my week nights reading. I'm really going to miss my evenings of leisure.

productive work conversations - So, after being a bit disappointed that it appeared I would not be getting a promotion after all, my dean pulled me into his office on Monday evening. He wanted to get a better idea of everything I had taken over since Donna retired and reassure me that he was still planning on getting me the correct job title and pay. It was a great relief.

choir - The one thing I have missed more than anything since I moved to Chicago has been the opportunity to sing on a regular basis and I have missed being involved in a choir ever since I dropped my music major back in 2003. When I saw that NU's Music Academy groups were going to be performing Mozart's Requiem (my absolute favorite piece of choral music) in the winter quarter, I knew that the fates were telling me it was time to suck it up and start auditioning again. Despite my insanely terrible audition nerves, less than a week of preparation, and five years of only singing in the shower or the car, I had a good audition. The woman was extremely complimentary and, while she's waiting to hear all of the auditions, I will be in one of the music ensembles when I'm able to start rehearsing with them in the winter quarter. This has been the best news I've gotten in a very long time.

Things I Love Thursday

dragon con - I have loved the con scene since I started going to Wizard World four years ago. This year, I went bigger and better and flew down to Atlanta to spend four gorgeous days at Dragon Con with my cousin, Heather. All of the con goers that I encountered were respectful of each other and the city and the staff of all of the hotels and local businesses. I went to panels on puppetry, makeup design, and voice acting. I went to Buffy trivia and Doctor Who discussions. I met Amy Acker and Todd McIntosh. I went to panels with J. August Richards, Emma Caulfield, Julie Benz, and Cary Elwes. I got tons of free swag. This kind of event with nerds en masse just makes my skin tingle and smile a little bit bigger.

my ob/gyn - I know this is a little weird to say but the truth is I have never been comfortable in a doctor's office. I have a very hard time talking about my physical self and that goes double at the lady's doctor. However, my doc (and her RN and her front desk staff) is just the kindest woman and has put me at ease ever since the first time I walked into her office. It's good to be able to trust your medical team.

pushing my limits - I tried to do a half marathon on Sunday. I really only ended doing about a 15K and didn't get in nearly as much running as I would have liked due to a terrible lack of training, being sick and sore from my previous weekend trip, and a summer of way too much indulgence. But now I know where my current limit is. Just how far I can push myself. So now I know what to aim on breaking over the next year.

my support system - Summer was rough and I had a bit of a breakdown Monday night. And nearly every person who is important to me came through with flying colors and set me back on my feet. I got words of support, pictures of boobs, and the moopit bought me dinner and spent the evening binge watching True Detective with me. I'm incredibly lucky to have them all.

dive bars and good friends - I spent all of last night drinking cider and shooting the shit with the Tinsleys. It was great conversation and the awesome bartender enjoyed talking to us so much that she gave us a round on her. The lovely walk through the suddenly cool fall air of Chicago was pretty great too.

Rediscovering Balance

I always strive to try and maintain a balanced life; remembering which priorities and people are important and trying to keep myself healthy and happy. I think I can safely say that this summer was a fail as far as balance is concerned. I'm not saying this to be self-deprecating but because the only way to move on and rediscover my balance is to accept that there is a problem to begin with. 
Most of the past couple of years I have been a rock. I've been getting mostly As and Bs in school, keeping active and staying strong and healthy, being mentally stronger than I have in (I don't know) ever, powering through all of the bureaucratic crap at my job, keeping up financially, and spending time with my friends without wearing myself too thin. 
This summer was rough. I was burnt out and got Cs in my classes. I kept injuring myself and getting sick so my running training fell by the wayside. This means that the half marathon I participated in on Sunday was mostly walking and I had to cross over on the course and skip about four miles. My eating is once again out of control and I am the heaviest I have been since before I moved to Chicago. I can't afford any of the judo, archery, dancing, or gym classes I usually like to participate in. I am so off budget that I can't really afford much of anything besides rent and bills. My supervisor retired at the beginning of the summer and not only have we not hired anyone new (which means I'm doing both of our jobs), I also have still not gotten the promotion I have been repeatedly promised over the past three years. I also have a large group of people who are important to me that I haven't been able to devote as much time to as I would like. I've also been giving a lot of mental energy to people that aren't always the greatest at returning the favor. I spent last night sitting on my couch sobbing for about two hours because all of these things combined have finally broken my ever optimistic spirit. 
I don't really know what the answer is. I know I have to take some stock and do a lot of life recalculations. I know that my LARPs always make me happy so they will be staying on the calendar for the time being. I know that I need to not overbook myself so much during the week so that I can actually keep up with my homework. I know that I need to get a killer resume and cover letter together while continuing to fight for my promotion. I know I need to redo my entire budget. I know I need to take more control over my diet and activity levels. And I know that next week I have an audition to join the Northwestern Music Academy chorus because I need more music in my life. But I'm still looking at everything and wondering if I really have the strength to get it done.

Things I Love Thursday

homemade ice cream
prosecco
summer dance
long walks downtown
good sushi and lovely ladies for company
the last day of class



I swear, starting next week, I'll start putting a little more brain power into my blog. Right now final papers are taking up all of my brain.

Things I Love Thursday

I'm doing it a little different today, short and sweet, no big explanations

Quartino
Toasts that almost make you cry
El Nuevo
Family
Michigan Avenue at night
Puppy snuggles
Wildclaw in the Wild
Making fun of moopit
Lemon chicken
The Wire
Cool breezes
Fingers tangled in my hair

Things I Love Thursday

Burger fest - Seriously, this may be one of the better street festivals in Chicago. Tons of different burgers, giant dill pickles, crave bars. There is not enough yum in the world for how much I loved the food.

Being needed - I really do like that I have people in my life that know they can call me any time and I will come take care of them or just listen to their problems or whatever it is they need. I also really love that I am in a place in my own life where I can be there for other people. 

Halfway there - The quarter is over halfway done and I am in desperate need of that five weeks without class to just get myself back together. 

Dystopia Rising - This LARP is not for everyone. It is a post-apocalyptic world filled with zombies, you have boffer fights, and camp in the woods and are fully immersed in the environment from game on at 9 pm Friday night until game off at noon on Sunday. And, speaking as someone who hates camping, I loved this weekend so hard and can't wait to get back in August. Much love to The Faded Heart caravan and especially Ian, who plays my in-game hubby, Gardner.

Birthday brownie - After DR, we had a little post-mortem lunch at Applebee's before heading our separate ways home. I got my birthday brownie and it was tasty.

Great birthday gifts - My mom is buying my plane ticket to Dragon Con for my birthday. This is one of the many reasons she is the best mom in the world.

Things I Love Thursday

great classes full of good discussion - I have almost completely focused on psychology classes for the past two years and, to be honest, was getting pretty burnt out. This summer I'm taking a poli sci class on Chicago politics and an english class on American detective lit. There are some familiar faces that I really appreciate and really great teachers and fascinating discussion. The quarter is already over a quarter over and I'll be a little sad when it is.

three day weekends - my summer is super booked so three-day holiday weekends are a truly wonderful gift from the gods. I got several things done around the house (don't worry, you can't tell, it's still pretty wrecked) and read through a ton of homework assignments on corruption in politics. And there may have been a few hours of sitting on the couch playing video games. 

my auren! - my favorite purchase of late, I now am the proud owner of an auren. If you don't know what that is, I'm very sad for your childhood. If you do, you understand why my friends and I exploded in geekery squeals of joy when I put it on Saturday night.

a new workout shirt - there's a sloth, it says "live slow", it's adorable and soft and I love it.

LARPer feels - LARP was a little different last week and I had honestly been dreading going because I was going to have to put some emotions into game that I hadn't had to show before. I'm truly grateful for a group of amazing friends that make it a safe space for that kind of play.

sissy visits - on her way home from her vacation, my sister stopped through Chicago for an overnight visit. She went out for after-LARP pancakes with all of my friends and hung out with her super hungover sister the next morning. The best part though was the enormous smile on her face.

beautiful wine - a few years back, Quartino had this amazing wine called Evolution from Sokol Blosser. It's made with a combination of grapes so you can't pick a favorite wine based off your usual ideas and it's truly the best wine I've had in my mouth hole. I currently have a bottle of their red and a bottle of their white sitting in my kitchen and I cannot wait to crack them open.

super tasty food - while my workouts haven't been going the greatest lately, I've had some serious motivation in the kitchen. I made a killer stir fry and some great veggies and pasta. Now if I can just get myself up in the mornings to run, send me some good vibes, folks. 

end of an era - tomorrow Donna leaves our little office family for the last time. I know I've had plenty of times where I've been frustrated with her but she is a kind, wonderful person and will be missed. I'm very interested to see where our office goes from here.

Things I Love Tuesday (because I just can't wait until Thursday)

a week off - last week was a whole week with no classes and no socializing, it was a perfect way to refresh and revitalize before classes start back up.

maryfest - I haven't made it to my dear friend Mary's annual birthday bash in several years, timing has just never quite worked out. But this year I made it out to the suburbs, saw people I almost never get to see, ate cake with Tom Hiddleston on top, and truly enjoyed celebrating an awesome person.

my single life - as per a lovely chat with miss Mary herself, I really do enjoy my single life. I may have the occasional whine but I really do enjoy my space, time, funds, and everything else belonging just to me. 

muppet and moopit night - Michael and I watched about five hours of HIMYM this weekend. It's nice to have someone I can lay on the couch and watch TV with and experience absolutely no drama.

office celebrations - yesterday was our office's last day all together. We all had breakfast at Le Peep in Evanston, took our picture together, and ended the day with a bottle of prosecco. Our lovely little family atmosphere is never going to be quite the same again.

meeting anticipations - tomorrow we meet with the dean to discuss the fate of our office restructure and the curriculum coordinator position that I so desperately want to fill. I'm excited and scared and don't know whether to smile or throw up.

fixed a/c - apparently people in this building have finally realized that I'm not someone you want to harass you. I complained about our lack of office a/c around 12:30 and someone was in my office and fixing it by 2. Nice to stop being so sweaty.

remission - this was actually the best news of the week though. In therapy this morning my psychologist informed me that she considers me to be in remission and, if I came in to see her today, she wouldn't diagnose me with depression. I've worked really hard over the past nine months or so and I feel better than I have in years, maybe ever. 

anniversaries, my 100th blog

Let's go back to May 2010. I had been in Chicago for about eight months and I was miserable. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job and I was living somewhere that I had always wanted to live but I was desperately lonely. Most of the friends I had moved up to be closer to worked conflicting schedules with mine and my social anxiety made it difficult to branch out and find things to do with my time. I spent night after night sitting in my apartment chain smoking with a glass of wine in front of the Food Network and thinking about giving up and moving back home. Many times I would cry myself to sleep and shout out to whatever higher powers that be that all I wanted was someone in my life. 
Fast forward to four years ago today, June 12th, 2010. I was going on a date with a guy I had met a couple of times back home while he was seeing a friend of mine. We had exchanged Facebook pleasantries on my imminent Chicago arrival and that had been about it. He was a few years younger than I and I had always been more into older fellows but it was so rare that anyone had ever asked me out on a date that I said yes. This is still the best first date I have ever been on. And, while things did not work out for us romantically, I think everyone knows that Michael and I are the very best and most loyal of friends.
Typically, I find the dating anniversary to be a silly one. It's never been all that important to me, more of a Hallmark celebration than anything else. So why is this anniversary so very important to me? Because four years ago today, my life was forever changed in all of the best ways. I not only finally had someone but lots of someones that wanted to spend time with me. The people that I have been introduced to over the past four years are the best things that have ever happened to me. I, an unrelenting tomboy who had all of four close female friends in the first 25 years of my life, have a group of lady friends that I can talk to about anything and can trust to have my back. I have friends who are intellectually stimulating on a vast array of knowledge bases. I have friends that share my interests and world views. I have friends that have made me part of their family.
Even more than all of this, I have been motivated by this amazing group of people to step out of my shell and be comfortable in my own skin. I have pursued new interests and excelled at the classes I'm taking toward my degree in psychology. I have sought treatment for anxiety and depression and conquered fears that I never thought I'd be able to overcome. I am changed in all ways for the better. I  am no longer that scared, overwhelmed, lonely girl. And I could never be more grateful for the life that I have.
So thank you, moopit, and happy un-anniversary. 

Things I Love Thursday

Assassin's Creed - I burned through the first one pretty quickly and now I'm finding everything down to the last feather in 2. It's really been a great release during the stressful time leading up to finals.

Gin - Our monthly cocktail party was gin-focused and oh how I love gin. French 75s and a lovely concoction of lemon and tarragon were my go-to drinks for the evening. It was a great group of people and I'm looking forward to the next one.

Outdoor fun with the monkey - I got to spend a fabulous day mostly outdoors with the Arehart clan, a great deal of which included lying in the grass and blowing bubbles whenever I was so demanded by my sweet little Ivy. I got to read her books and take a nap with her and eat lunch and dinner (incredible breakfast burritos made by Tim) and give her a bath and tuck her in for the night. I just love that they let me be a part of their family.

Unexpected baby visits - My coworker brought her little bacon bit into the office yesterday afternoon and I swear she gets cuter every time I see her. Looking forward to having Heather back in eight days.

Last class of the quarter - Last night saw me standing in my last class of the quarter giving an in-class presentation on kindness and it's effects on subjective happiness. Don't get me wrong, I still have to finish and turn in my final papers next week but I'm mostly done. I've been super exhausted and I'm looking forward to having a few weeks off before the summer quarter starts up. 

Pizza - Thankfully, since I didn't have a ton of time to actually cook before this week started in earnest, both of my professors brought pizza to class to feed us. I've never been so grateful for something so greasy.

maximizers and satisficers, or how I ruined my last vacation

A couple of years ago, Michael took me to Las Vegas for a week on vacation. I was incredibly grateful for his generous gift and excited to explore a new city. Somehow, though, the trip did not meet expectations and caused more stress among the ranks than happy couple bonding time. It took me a long time to realize exactly what went so terribly wrong on that trip and even longer to finally have a name for it. I am a maximizer. If you want a brief but good explanation of maximizers versus satisficers, you can find one here. I spend ever so much time over analyzing every decision I make and constantly worried that I will make the wrong decision. Which is what happened on this trip. I couldn't even pick a restaurant to eat at without being quite sure that my traveling companion would find it unsatisfactory and, because I had made said decision, subsequently find me unsatisfactory. I became a very unattractive, insecure person to be stuck in a hotel with for a week. And quite literally every time I have made decisions in this manner, I have sabotaged myself. So here is my resolution, no more ruined vacations and self doubt, I resolve to be a satisficer from here on out. Dear friends, please call me out when I'm being too obsessive.  

Things I Love Friday Edition

Colbediah - My dear friend Colby made a very short weekend trip to Chi-town for a wedding but he still made sure to get the Milli-crew together for drinks at Whirlaway with the inestimable Maria behind the counter. It was great to see my boys and it's sad that we've started to grow so busy and far apart.

Nerd night - I finally got to see Iron Man 3 and the Agents of Shield finale (and the Agent Carter one shot). A lovely evening in with Aaron and he doesn't hate me even if I did manage to lock us out on the balcony and have to climb back in the apartment through the window.

Pasta class - It's certainly not news to anyone that I've been taking cooking classes at the Chopping Block. Last class was homemade pasta. I never want to eat that crappy boxed stuff again. Also, the teacher insisted I sign up for her June pie making class.

Burlesque - Ridgely, Michael, Kat, Colin, and I made a trip to the Debonair Social Club for their weekly burlesque show (different line up every week). It was a fun night of lovely ladies and I got to see my pal Trixie Sparks on stage for the first time.

Sleeping with the window open - Sunday night was a lovely treat. Being able to sleep with the window open and wake up early to the sounds of the city and a beautiful 56 degree breeze was one of life's simple pleasures.

Hair cuts - I got one. It was long overdue. It looks so much better now. Oh and Dan actually approved of my hair color which never happens.

My supervisor is retiring - Did I mention this already? I could not possibly be more psyched for July 11th.

A day in the burbs - Sunday I spent the afternoon in the burbs with an adorable man in a bow tie. My friend Zach and I had intended to visit the Blue Box Cafe in Elgin but apparently it's closed on Sundays. Instead we swung down to the Elgin Public House, had surprisingly amazing food and Angry Orchard cider before I had to leave for the train. Bow ties are cool.

A surprise dinner companion - Last night, on my way to run errands before a night in of cleaning and packing, I happened to look to my right and see my friend Travis headed into La Tacorea. So I got some fantastic company for dinner and some super tasty Korean tacos.

more together than I feel

Today I got the grade back on my midterm for my advanced research seminar on the psychology of emotion: 90/100. When I took this midterm two weeks ago, I was quite certain that I had done C work at best and almost went home and immediately dropped the class. I have a hard time dealing with anything less than perfection. However, by the time I had finished inhaling a cheeseburger and making the 45 minute commute home, I realized that, even if one grade wasn't that great, I could still probably pull a B in the class and all was not in fact lost. Which brings us to today when I found out I got an A. It kind of summarizes my entire quarter so far. I've been feeling particularly on edge, still in control but seconds away from dropping all of my spinning plates. Every time I think I have dropped the ball somehow things all work themselves out. When I overbook myself for the week, my classes get canceled due to illness. When I walk into a cooking class exhausted and feeling completely out of my element, my favorite chef assistant tells me I have to try this new knife they just got in and the head chef is so impressed with my cooking she insists I have to sign up for her June class on pies, tarts, and crostatas. When I've been a bit over responsible and paid too much on my bills, a family member gives me money or a friend buys me dinner. When I'm feeling a bit unloved and overwhelmed, someone will step up to tell me just how very loved I am and that everything is going to be okay. I have friends who have made me part of their families and family that are best friends. I have people that I can talk to about anything at any time and even a person that will let me sit on their couch and use their internet and do my homework so that I don't get distracted at home. I am so very blessed and I'm pretty sure if I didn't have these people in my life that hold me together that I would have come apart at the seams long ago.

the not-so-glamorous single life

This isn't the kind of post you'll see from me very often. 99 days out of 100, I love being single. When I make plans, I don't have to check with anyone else's calendar. When the house is a mess, it's my mess and no one else lives there to be bothered by it. If the dog barks for ten minutes straight at nothing in particular, the only person annoyed is me. When I'm exhausted from a long day of work and class, I don't have to save any emotional energy to put into anyone else. No one distracts me from my homework, no one steals the covers or hogs the bed, and there's no one to notice if I stay in my pajamas all weekend. 

But then there's that one day when going home alone while all of your couple friends go home together holding hands and giving each other that look. That day hits you like a ton of bricks and puts as much emotional angst into that sucker punch as the other 99 combined. That day being single isn't all it's cracked up to be and curling up in a queen-sized bed with nothing but the cat to say goodnight to....hurts. 

It's never really one big thing that shows up and causes you to rethink your entire life of bad relationship choices. It's lots of little things. Lately my back and my legs have really been inexplicably aching. When I sit, when I walk, when I lay in bed, I ache. The weather has been unseasonably cold and rainy. I've been racked with some serious financial concerns. Midterms and papers and piles upon piles of readings have been taking all of the mental energy I possess. There is an exponentially large pile of paperwork that increasingly piles up on my desk at work every day. And at the end of the day, when I'm at the end of my rope, I don't have someone else to fall back on who will rub my shoulders and give me a hug and tell me everything will be okay. And that's a hard night to get through. 

And the guys. Even though I'm not looking for a long-term relationship because I don't have the time or the energy or the emotional capacity to deal with it at the moment, it's nice to go on a date every now and then but the scarcity of single males in my life makes that difficult. There's the guy you've known for over a decade, who you've given chance after chance to, who has made it abundantly clear through his inability to commit that a relationship would never happen, but for some reason you always say yes when they ask you out even though they'll probably forget you had plans and stand you up. There's the friend that's still so hung up on their ex that most of the time they forget you exist until they see you, fawn all over you, tell you how much they miss hanging out with you, and then never calls. There's the friend with benefits that works out perfectly until something new and shiny comes along. There are the cute boys you know vaguely from work and would love to ask out on a date but are quite certain are way too attractive to have noticed you. Dating is hard. I hate it but spending every single night by yourself gets trying too. I know there's no easy answer to my dilemma except to suck it up and remember that tomorrow I'll probably be my usually cheerful self.

I hope.

Things I Love Thursday

Therapeutic progress - Over the past week I met with my psychologist and my psychiatrist. My psychologist thinks we've been making great progress and my therapy is going down to once a month and my psychiatrist and I have decided to lower my dosage on antidepressants. So progress is being made and I feel better than I have in years. Fingers crossed that things keep going in that direction.

A visit from mom - My mom was having a crappy week. She's been super stressed and had way too much on her plate for way too long. So I got her to come up for a day. I baked some delicious sticky buns and we ate breakfast and she helped me do a couple of cleaning-type things around my house (cause she's awesome like that). We took a fantastic walk around the neighborhood including some great shopping finds at Gap and a spinach empanada and margarita at our favorite Mexican restaurant. That night we headed out to Quartino and had a lingering dinner served by my BFF and cousin, Alysia, who made sure we left full of wine and good food. The next morning brought an early morning breakfast at Nookie's and saying goodbye. It may have been a short visit but it was much needed for both of us.

Hot Mikado - Sunday afternoon, I got an invite to go see Hot Mikado at Loyola. I have done the original Gilbert & Sullivan twice and it definitely lands pretty high up my list of favorite shows. Hot Mikado is set in 1940s Japan and while most of the lyrics and general melodies are the same, the show is updated a little to match the music of the period. There were some truly incredible cast members and I have never enjoyed myself more at a college production. Remembering our loss of Craig made the experience ever so much more painfully beautiful.

Game of Thrones - Season 4 is off to an amazing start and I love our little band of viewers. I don't know how I made it through the season last year without these folks by my side but I'm so glad to be curled up on the sofa at Chez Tomczak with the friends I consider family every Sunday evening.

Finally recovering - I have had some kind of respiratory grossness for a week and a half. It's been absolutely destroying my ability to do anything but sleep and make it to the places I have to be and I've been pretty miserable not being able to hit my running goals. However, this morning I woke up feeling like I'd finally ejected the bugs and maybe I'll be able to get in a couple of miles this evening if it's not too cold. 

The teacher agrees - This week while reading about the social constructivist theories of emotion, I found myself head slapping multiple times in annoyance at the stupidity that anyone actually believed this shit. And then immediately panicking when I realized that wasn't going to be a particularly valid way of stating it in my advanced research seminar. Luckily, I didn't have to worry about it because my teacher got up and immediately debunked the entire theory and explained how much she hated it. We totally bonded over our mutual hatred of social constructivism. 

New eyes - My glasses and contacts are finally in at Pearle Vision. I cannot wait to pick them up this weekend and finally be able to see better out of my eye holes. 

Things I Love Thursday

well-meaning friends - Even though their concerns were over-protective and unneeded, I feel quite good that I have so many people that care enough about me to tell me when they are concerned for me.

cocktails - Last week was the first cocktail party out in the suburbs. Liquor of the night was rum and I put on a pretty dress, made some appetizers, and sat on a couch meeting new people and drinking dark and stormies. Yum!

dinner with Carolyn - After much too long, I got to head out with my dear Carolyn Saturday night. We sat in the Mexican steakhouse we'd been dying to try (Revolucion) and stuffed our face with guacamole and fantastic tacos and pounding margaritas. It was a lovely evening.

an afternoon with Ivy Jane - I feel incredibly guilty admitting that it had been three months since the last time I made it to see Ivy. I even missed her 2nd birthday. But I showed up,stuffed owl in tow, for a beautiful afternoon in the park with the whole Arehart family. The weather was glorious, my dear little friend had not forgotten me and named her new owl "Percy", and it was hard to leave after dinner. 

a week without homework - Having nothing to read or research or write for a whole week is sometimes the best gift a busy gal can get.

NaPoWriMo - It's April and I am once again writing a poem every day for the entire month. I really enjoy letting my creative side out of the cage every once in awhile.

running weather - I got in 2 miles before 6 am on Tuesday. There's a half-marathon to train for after all and it's finally not the worst weather in the world.

in-game feels - Oh, LARP. I intentionally made a character that wouldn't be particularly emotional. Lo and behold, last night found me sentimental and concerned and protective and angry all in the span of a couple of hours. Damn you, feels, you weren't supposed to happen to me.

Things I Love Thursday

It's about that time again and I am especially thrilled with life this week so, without further ado, here are a few of the things that have made life great.

Spring Break - Yes, I still have to work all week but there are no classes, no students, and best of all no homework. I'm also getting to catch up with the lovely people that I don't get to see as often when I'm wrapped up with writing research papers.

3.5 GPAs - But I got a 3.5 GPA, so obviously I'm doing something right.

New tattoos - I got some lovely new ink this week. Joel did an amazing job and it turned out just exactly how I wanted it to be.

Party season - The weather is trying to warm up and so begins the start of party season. A few years ago this would have been anxiety-inducing for me. I just don't always do well in large groups of people. But since I've been getting really comfortable in my skin lately, I've actually been enjoying parties more than I ever thought was possible. Bring them on!

Great new recipes - The past two weeks I went to two new cooking classes: Breakfast Breads & Pastries and Steakhouse D.I.Y. I got some really amazing new recipes, learned how to make my pie crust even better, finally figured out how to cook a damn steak, and I am dying to make a new batch of sticky buns. 

Surprise family time - Two weekends ago, my cousin Heather was having her leaving Illinois party. Normally I wouldn't be seen back around central Illinois until around June but I decided to surprise my bff and my gram and head down for a short visit. I got an amazing painting that my sister made, ate some awesome food, played with Ella and Tyler to my heart's content, and had a hilarious game night of Tellestrations. 

Therapy progress - So my therapist tells me that if I came in to see her today, she wouldn't diagnose me with major depressive disorder. We're meeting in two weeks to talk about some plans and maintenance but then we'll be heading into check-ups and doing it on my own. Wow.

Someone cooking for me for a change - Last night I went over to cadge Michael's bourbon (for sticky bun glaze) and Xbox games. He made me dinner and we watched some HIMYM. Other than my mom, I really don't remember the last time someone cooked for me. 

New and scary goals - I signed up for the Chicago Half Marathon on September 7th. I may be insane, I may drop dead in the middle of the course, or I could surprise myself and kick my own ass into gear and kill it. I'm hoping the latter. This year is the year of Emily and I am going to enjoy it, damn it. 

Things I Love Thursday

Gluten-free brownies - I have never made anything gluten-free in my life and I am highly skeptical about the entire gluten-free fad. That being said, my coworker has gestational diabetes and was desperate for a brownie. So, for her baby shower, I found a great Nigella Lawson recipe for flourless brownies (which are apparently a little less problematic on the insulin front due to the lesser number of carbs). Holy damn were they good. Super gooey with great texture and the perfect untainted brownie flavor. Good thing I have another party to go to tomorrow because that half-pan of brownies I have left would be an extra five pounds that my butt does not need.

Reconnecting - I've been spending a lot of time with a friend who I had a brief falling out with last year. A combination of hurt feelings and poor communication skills. It's been nice getting that connection back and actually being able to talk out all of our former issues without damaging our friendship.

The best compliment I ever received personally - A friend told me recently that I was far kinder to them than they deserved. As far as I'm concerned, this is the highest compliment I could get. Not because I think that any one person is more deserving than another of kindness but because I wholeheartedly believe that everyone deserves kindness and compassion and, if someone believes that enough to say it to me, then I'm doing a pretty good job of practicing what I preach. 

The best compliment I ever received at work - A woman came in looking for someone's office. After I looked them up and directed her the right way, she thanked me profusely and said, "I knew someone with such cool hair would be able to help me." I really try to be approachable at my job. It sometimes makes me worry that I shave the sides of my head and have visible tattoos because I don't ever want anyone to feel like they can't ask me questions. It made me feel good that my hair was actually what made her stop and ask me questions.

Brunch - I've had three brunch dates in the past two weeks. It's been a long time since and I kind of forgot just how much I love brunch. Bloody Mary's, poached eggs and rye toast, black coffee, some kind of fancy french toast, it all makes my tummy happy.

Dress shopping - Prom season is coming up in our LARP (yes, we have a Changeling LARP) so I went along to help Rachel find a fantastic prom dress. I seriously love pretty dresses and, even though I already have a great dress of my own for game, I was able to help Rachel find the perfect one and picked up a pretty fabulous retro dress of my own just for funsies.

Sweet Mandy Bs - Rachel, Brian, and I took a long walk down to this adorable little sweet shop near DePaul on Sunday. There were beautifully decorated cakes and pastries galore. I was weirdly thrilled to discover their homemade pudding layered with homemade whip cream. Super tasty and worth the calories.

Walking weather - There were a couple of beautiful, sunny days this week. One was a bit on the colder side for most non-Chicagoans but both were perfect walking weather for those of us who have been stuck inside for the past several months. I've missed being able to skip the public trans and just walk to wherever I'm going and I can't wait until there is much more walking in my future.

when I turned 30

Recently, I had a friend who turned 30. He posted on Facebook that he wondered if this meant that things in life would finally start to make sense. I remember being quite terrified of turning 30 last year. I was sure I would reach my birthday, look back and regret every single minute of my 20s. Thankfully, that is not what actually happened. 
What actually happened:

• All of the things that seemed incredibly crucial in my 20s didn't seem to matter as much anymore. Marriage, kids, who beat me out for a part in a show, who snubbed me. It's so much easier when you just remember that things will happen if they're meant to happen and when they're supposed to happen. At the moment, I can barely plan a few months in advance. I've signed up for a few races, I bought a pass for Dragon Con, I know what class I want to take this summer, that's about it.
• I made the decision to stop being scared of everything. This was a huge one. I have hidden behind fear for so long. Fear of pain, rejection, failure. So I got a tattoo, I asked a boy out, I let it be okay to get a B. The possibilities now seem endless.
• I stopped giving a shit what everyone else thought of me. There was a time when I was quite sure that I needed everyone to like me and every relationship to work out happily ever after. I spent a lot of my time being a people pleaser. As my dear friend, Amelia, puts it, "The number of fucks I have to give are significantly less." If someone has hurt my feelings, I'm going to let them know. I have no problems telling a partner exactly what I want. I started putting myself first for a change.
• I finally got control over those pesky finances. I've been in debt since the first time I got married, 11 years ago. My first husband had been out of the house two years before I finally managed to pay off our credit cards and, as of three short weeks ago, I paid off all of the debt from my second marriage. I'm far from being debt-free but I feel like I've finally gotten a hold on the situation and at least now all of the debt I have is mine.
• I let go of a few of those control issues. I'm not saying I still don't cringe whenever I see a car break the rules of the road or that I don't make lists like they're going out of style. But I stopped planning everything months in advance and I can go for a walk with my mom and decide to eat wherever strikes our fancy without having a complete meltdown of a panic attack. Baby steps. 
• I got rid of most of those debilitating self-esteem issues and social anxieties. I cut my hair exactly how I want to, I dress exactly how I want to, and, when I go to a party, I don't stand in a corner waiting for someone to talk to me while I assume everyone who isn't is judging me. Turns out, I really like me.

What does all of this add up to? I feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in many years. And that, my dears, is what I hope that everyone finds when they turn 30 or 40 or 50. Learn to let go and enjoy your lives.

what matters most

It's been a stressful couple of weeks around here. With my grandfather's funeral, traveling back and forth between Champaign and Chicago, midterms, and way too much work, homework, and emotional mess, I literally had a meltdown on Monday night. I came home from work, sat down at my kitchen table and sobbed. So I took some mental health time off from work and classes. I had to sit down and remind myself that, when life is hard, there are some things that just matter more.

Quality time with my mom.
Having supportive people in your life.
Good food and better wine.
Laughing.
Hugs.
Quiet time to decompress. 
Getting out of the house.
Taking the time to have feelings.
Switching to decaf for a few days.
Sleep.
Having that one person that always comes through.

In memoriam

Saturday, my grandfather passed away due to complications from pneumonia and stage four cancer. He was born Billy Gene Matthews in 1933 but, due to a clerical error on his birth certificate, we knew him as Billie Jean Matthis. My grandfather wasn't what you could call a great man. No one would ever talk about his father but we know that he was a cruel human being and who knows what unspeakable horrors his children lived through. My grandfather was a tortured man who never was able to face his past. He was stationed in Japan with the air force and was medically discharged before meeting my grandmother and marrying her on June 28th, 1958. They met at the USO and shared a mutual love of dancing. Together, they had six children: Chris, Debbie (my mother), Jeff, Craig, Dawn, and Jodi. They have seventeen grandchildren and three great-grandchildren. I had a complicated relationship with my grandfather as a child, due to his struggles with alcoholism, bigotry, and verbal abuse but I also learned a great deal from him. After having a massive stroke fifteen years ago and losing a great deal of his previous self, many of us were finally able to have a relationship with a kind and loving man and to catch a glimpse of the person my grandfather could have been. He gave me my love of dancing, poetry, Greek mythology, old movies, peach pie, coconut cake, and the beauty of Japan and the Japanese language. He also gave me my appreciation of a well-dressed man and the importance of a really great hat. He will be missed but I am glad he will finally have some kind of peace. May his spirit soar in a way it never could on earth.

In the words of Irving Berlin, from a movie my grandfather and I watched quite often together:

Sayonara, Japanese goodbye
Whisper sayonara lover don't you cry
No more we stop to see pretty cherry blossom
No more we 'neath the tree looking at the sky
Sayonara, sayonara
Goodbye 

Random Facts on Valentine's Day

Every year I'm single, the one thing I miss more than anything is having someone give me flowers on Valentine's Day.

I just purchased my first out-of-state big con pass (DragonCon!) and I finally feel like a valid nerd.

I have never ordered room service or flown first class and I feel like I'm missing out on a crucial life experience.

I believe so much in karma and the balance of the universe that really great days scare me a little because I'm afraid I'm being rewarded before the universe piles a whole bunch of shit on me.

My favorite chocolates are Fannie May milk chocolate vanilla buttercreams.

I am mildly obsessed with James Marsters. I have his autograph, went to one of his concerts, and even got my picture taken with him. 

I could easily eat several pounds of brussel sprouts a week.

Tequila is my happy booze. 

I know way more about pregnancy than any single non-pregnant woman should.

I am slower than molasses but I really love Chicago races. 

I can't get enough cooking classes.

I like college much better my second time around.

Things I Love Thursday

a united summer court - It's been an interesting couple of winter months for our lovely little Changeling game. Despite all of the drama and conflict making tempers high and creatures twitchy, our Summer Court has never been able to work together so well. So, yay? :)

no surgery - I finally got around to calling my doctor back to discuss my horrible pre-Christmas medical procedures and what that meant going forward. Fortunately, she told me that I have no reason to go ahead with surgery right now and we're just going to keep monitoring the situation and leave it for a better time.

school credits - Did you know that you get a whole lot of tax money for going to school? Because I totally didn't until entering my 1089 last week and watching my refund almost quadruple. I have never been so happy to realize I can pay off a significant chunk of bills.

two valentines - Because they're great and know that I find this holiday horrible and depressing, I have been invited to dinner with my dear friends, Brian and Rachel. It's nice to know that I won't be at home stuffing my face with oreos and feeling sorry for myself.

baby Des - I spent a lovely afternoon with my favorite new parents and sweet baby Des. It was so good to catch up with Elise and Dann and snuggle such a beautiful little boy.

Lego Marvel - Just got it and I really don't know which superhero I like playing the most. (I'm lying it's totally The Hulk)

new jigsaws - I know this makes me an extreme kind of dork but I am super excited about the two brand new 1000-piece jigsaw puzzles that I got this week and I can't wait to get them started.

bad karma, death, and melatonin - Sometimes my therapist and I have sessions where we talk about really depressing things. Oddly, it always makes me feel better.

Things I Love Thursday

Last week I was at home sick so this week's TILT is a two-week love fest.

Wassail! - Let's just say Brian and Rachel throw a darn good party and leave it at that.

Great haircuts - Just in time for the second round of the polar vortex, I got an incredible haircut from the fabulous Dan. Super short and super cute.

OFC Season Five Launched - I've been to all but one of the awesome OFC Launch parties and I'm pretty sure this one was the best. The drinks were great and the food was awesome and DJ Catnip rocked the house as usual. I danced my ass off for hours and sang at the top of my lungs with my girlfriends. A plus party.

Baby Snuggles - A few of the ladies headed over to help Dann and Elise work on their house since the little one came so early. I spent a large part of the afternoon putting together some adorable baby furniture and was rewarded with snuggles of the sweetest kind from tiny Desmond.

Shadow Over Innsmouth - Last weekend I made my one and only sojourn out of the house to see Wildclaw Theatre's adaptation of Shadow Over Innsmouth. I loved every single aspect of this production. When I got home, the ticket went up on the inspiration board because that is exactly the kind of high quality art I want to be involved in.

My family - This year has kind of been kicking the crap out of us health-wise and this week we got the news that my grandpa has stage-four cancer. They've decided that his quality of life will be better if they just make him as comfortable as possible. It's a hard decision but everyone has been very supportive of my grandma and it's good to know we can come together on some things despite all of our differences.

A kick in the butt - I'm honestly not sure where exactly it came from but I gave myself a bit of a kick in the butt this week. In most aspects of my life, I tend to allow myself to be last on everyone's list (including my own). This week, I decided to stop being so nice and accommodating all of the time and stir things up. This means my new office chair finally got ordered and someone is finally coming to fix my office radiator (which has never worked in the five years I've been here). I'm liking the change and planning on making it permanent.

The Michelangelo Effect

There are a great many blogs coming down the pipes but, as they all tend to be a bit more on the serious and possibly controversial side, I'm going to ease into the week with a little food for thought on this lovely cold day in Chiberia. 

In a recent psychology lecture, we were discussing the Michelangelo Effect. The basic idea is that, by being encouraging toward and supportive of our partner's ideals, we, in turn, help to sculpt them into a better version of themselves. The reverse, unfortunately, is also true. We have such power of influence over the people we are close to that we can shape them into the best or worst of who they have the potential to be. I find this to be both beautiful and terrifying. 

We've all had that partner/friend/relative/person of influence that somehow made us less than who we were to begin with. The ones that made us feel unworthy of their love or respect, the ones that encouraged us to eat our feelings, the ones that made us constantly see only the bad things in ourselves. I can name more than I'd ever care to admit. 

But I've also had wonderful people come through my life who helped me to step back out from who I had become and walk ever closer to the person I had always wanted to be. People who reminded me that I was smart, capable, worthy, lovable, talented. In the past two years, I have made strides that I never thought were possible. All because someone encouraged me to change my life for the better. 

So here is my unsolicited advice for the day. Try to see your partner for their potential and encourage them in their dreams. Do not feel the need to constantly tell them their faults, they likely already knew them all well before you came along. And, if your partner makes you feel unworthy, unloved, or disrespected or if they make you unhealthier, meaner, or angrier try to see that for what it is and change it. Do not let anyone every make you feel smaller and do unto others as  you would have them do unto you. Let's try to make this world a happier and kinder place.

Things I Love Thursday

Ladies night - Last Friday, despite the weird torrential downpour following the polar vortex, Elise, Carolyn, and I ventured out for ladies night at The Southern. Holy damn, there wasn't a thing we ordered that was anything less than amazing: southern food, kicked up a level. Plus they had the Vandermill Totally Roasted cider on tap which is never a bad thing.

IKEA - Saturday, the wonderful Ben and Amelia were kind enough to haul me out to the burbs in search of a bed that I was desperately in need of. After a couple of hours shopping and then managing to fit 3 people, a queen-sized bed, a desk, a large shelving unit, and a chair into their TARDIS (I mean car), I spent the rest of the afternoon reorganizing and assembling my new bed. Very happy with my very grown-up purchase. 

My dentist - She's kind and encouraging and has completely cured my fear of going to the dentist. She also thinks I'm really great.

Judo - I got back on the mat Monday night and it felt great. Okay, it hurt like hell, but I realized just how much I've been missing exercise in general and judo specifically in my life. I love the people, I love the work, and I feel amazing when I'm done. Much thanks to Brett for getting me into the class.

Progress in therapy - As much as I almost never feel like a real adult who makes adult decisions, my therapist seems to disagree. She thinks I'm making real progress with several of the goals we set out at the beginning of our meetings so we're going down to every two weeks and maybe I'll have that extra copay money at my disposal by the end of the spring quarter.

Baby! - Turns out we got that ladies night in just in time because Tuesday my darling Elise and her husband Dann welcomed baby Desmond a whole month early. He is the most beautiful little munchkin and I cannot wait to snuggle him. 

Asian Mexican food - So I've been walking by this restaurant pretty much since I moved to Lakeview. It is called La Tacorea and is marketed as an Asian Mexican grill. Needless to say, I've been skeptical. Last night, I went with my friend Travis and (as he had reported) it was really freaking good. A plus, would try again.

A culture of criticism

I'm unsure if this is a newer phenomenon or if the world has always been this way but I find myself constantly baffled by our culture of criticism. While I find myself often awed by a TV show/movie/book, others question my good sense. While I am thrilled with the excellent care my dentist takes of me, I am appalled by her terrible one-star Yelp reviews. When did we stop focusing on the good? A few examples I have noticed recently:

I recently finished watching Season 4 of Torchwood. I, quite intentionally, do not read internet reviews  so, after raving about it on Facebook, was a little taken aback when a friend wanted to speak to me because they had never heard of anyone who liked it before. Do these things really matter so much to people? If one person likes a show or an episode of a show or a documentary or a movie or a book that you did not particularly enjoy (or vice versa), does that make their judgment unsound or their taste less sophisticated than your own? Then when I started reading reviews (just to see what it was that people were complaining about), I still found myself baffled. Many people seemed to be disgusted by the unrealistic nature of the story line. Dear sci-fi watchers: Sci-fi is short for science-fiction. The wonderful thing about fiction is that the writers have artistic license to make things as real or outlandish as they happen to want. If they haven't explained all their logic to you yet, it is just possible that they have an idea to reveal their hand further down the line. 

I also recently went on a group outing to The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Several other friends also went to see the movie over their Christmas vacations. Many people loved the movie while a small, yet vocal, number had nothing but terrible things to say about it. What people seem to forget when watching these kind of movies is that they are an adaptation of a book. It is not an exact replica of the book. Again, the screen writers are perfectly within their rights to take artistic license and make changes to make the book flow better as a movie. Now, if we're talking about the recent Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader where pretty much the only thing they got right was that the story took place on a boat called Dawn Treader, then carp away. However, if most of the essential story points are there and they have even been kind enough to add in supplemental material for the real nerds and the acting is good and there are relatively few slow points, then exactly what is it that we're still complaining about?

On a related but different area, my dentist. Dr. Nancy Block, DDS. I signed up with her through my insurance without really doing much research mostly because I wanted a female dentist. I had not been to a dentist in nearly ten years and I was truly terrified to go in and was sure I was going to have a mouthful of cavities and the worst experience ever. And then, a few weeks before my first appointment, I made the mistake of reading her Yelp reviews. These people were vicious. It seems that many a person thought that Dr. Block was a cold-hearted ice queen with no people skills who didn't know how to do her job. As I sat in her office, shaking with my sense of impending doom, I filled out paperwork. One of the questions that immediately jumped out at me was "Do you have any fears or concerns that you would like the doctor to take into consideration?" This is not a usual question and I felt my fears begin to subside ever so slightly. When she entered my room, before she even asked me to open my mouth and say "Ah", she first had a chat with me about my apprehension and immediately relieved every fear I had ever had of going to the dentist. Two years later, she continues to be an incredibly encouraging person to go to twice a year. All of those bad attitude reviewers can suck on my complete lack of fear of the dentist.

So next time you're setting out on a bitchy rant about a doctor, a restaurant, a movie, a book, or whatever you want to rant about, do me a few favors. Stop. Breathe. Sleep on it. Take a second look at your experience. Suspend your disbelief. Try to look at things from the good side first. I'm willing to bet when you start thinking about the number of things that were well done, they'll probably outnumber the things that you were being so overly critical about and maybe, just maybe, you can try to add a little extra positivity to the world instead of another dose of unneeded grouchiness.