Things I Love Friday Edition

Colbediah - My dear friend Colby made a very short weekend trip to Chi-town for a wedding but he still made sure to get the Milli-crew together for drinks at Whirlaway with the inestimable Maria behind the counter. It was great to see my boys and it's sad that we've started to grow so busy and far apart.

Nerd night - I finally got to see Iron Man 3 and the Agents of Shield finale (and the Agent Carter one shot). A lovely evening in with Aaron and he doesn't hate me even if I did manage to lock us out on the balcony and have to climb back in the apartment through the window.

Pasta class - It's certainly not news to anyone that I've been taking cooking classes at the Chopping Block. Last class was homemade pasta. I never want to eat that crappy boxed stuff again. Also, the teacher insisted I sign up for her June pie making class.

Burlesque - Ridgely, Michael, Kat, Colin, and I made a trip to the Debonair Social Club for their weekly burlesque show (different line up every week). It was a fun night of lovely ladies and I got to see my pal Trixie Sparks on stage for the first time.

Sleeping with the window open - Sunday night was a lovely treat. Being able to sleep with the window open and wake up early to the sounds of the city and a beautiful 56 degree breeze was one of life's simple pleasures.

Hair cuts - I got one. It was long overdue. It looks so much better now. Oh and Dan actually approved of my hair color which never happens.

My supervisor is retiring - Did I mention this already? I could not possibly be more psyched for July 11th.

A day in the burbs - Sunday I spent the afternoon in the burbs with an adorable man in a bow tie. My friend Zach and I had intended to visit the Blue Box Cafe in Elgin but apparently it's closed on Sundays. Instead we swung down to the Elgin Public House, had surprisingly amazing food and Angry Orchard cider before I had to leave for the train. Bow ties are cool.

A surprise dinner companion - Last night, on my way to run errands before a night in of cleaning and packing, I happened to look to my right and see my friend Travis headed into La Tacorea. So I got some fantastic company for dinner and some super tasty Korean tacos.

more together than I feel

Today I got the grade back on my midterm for my advanced research seminar on the psychology of emotion: 90/100. When I took this midterm two weeks ago, I was quite certain that I had done C work at best and almost went home and immediately dropped the class. I have a hard time dealing with anything less than perfection. However, by the time I had finished inhaling a cheeseburger and making the 45 minute commute home, I realized that, even if one grade wasn't that great, I could still probably pull a B in the class and all was not in fact lost. Which brings us to today when I found out I got an A. It kind of summarizes my entire quarter so far. I've been feeling particularly on edge, still in control but seconds away from dropping all of my spinning plates. Every time I think I have dropped the ball somehow things all work themselves out. When I overbook myself for the week, my classes get canceled due to illness. When I walk into a cooking class exhausted and feeling completely out of my element, my favorite chef assistant tells me I have to try this new knife they just got in and the head chef is so impressed with my cooking she insists I have to sign up for her June class on pies, tarts, and crostatas. When I've been a bit over responsible and paid too much on my bills, a family member gives me money or a friend buys me dinner. When I'm feeling a bit unloved and overwhelmed, someone will step up to tell me just how very loved I am and that everything is going to be okay. I have friends who have made me part of their families and family that are best friends. I have people that I can talk to about anything at any time and even a person that will let me sit on their couch and use their internet and do my homework so that I don't get distracted at home. I am so very blessed and I'm pretty sure if I didn't have these people in my life that hold me together that I would have come apart at the seams long ago.

the not-so-glamorous single life

This isn't the kind of post you'll see from me very often. 99 days out of 100, I love being single. When I make plans, I don't have to check with anyone else's calendar. When the house is a mess, it's my mess and no one else lives there to be bothered by it. If the dog barks for ten minutes straight at nothing in particular, the only person annoyed is me. When I'm exhausted from a long day of work and class, I don't have to save any emotional energy to put into anyone else. No one distracts me from my homework, no one steals the covers or hogs the bed, and there's no one to notice if I stay in my pajamas all weekend. 

But then there's that one day when going home alone while all of your couple friends go home together holding hands and giving each other that look. That day hits you like a ton of bricks and puts as much emotional angst into that sucker punch as the other 99 combined. That day being single isn't all it's cracked up to be and curling up in a queen-sized bed with nothing but the cat to say goodnight to....hurts. 

It's never really one big thing that shows up and causes you to rethink your entire life of bad relationship choices. It's lots of little things. Lately my back and my legs have really been inexplicably aching. When I sit, when I walk, when I lay in bed, I ache. The weather has been unseasonably cold and rainy. I've been racked with some serious financial concerns. Midterms and papers and piles upon piles of readings have been taking all of the mental energy I possess. There is an exponentially large pile of paperwork that increasingly piles up on my desk at work every day. And at the end of the day, when I'm at the end of my rope, I don't have someone else to fall back on who will rub my shoulders and give me a hug and tell me everything will be okay. And that's a hard night to get through. 

And the guys. Even though I'm not looking for a long-term relationship because I don't have the time or the energy or the emotional capacity to deal with it at the moment, it's nice to go on a date every now and then but the scarcity of single males in my life makes that difficult. There's the guy you've known for over a decade, who you've given chance after chance to, who has made it abundantly clear through his inability to commit that a relationship would never happen, but for some reason you always say yes when they ask you out even though they'll probably forget you had plans and stand you up. There's the friend that's still so hung up on their ex that most of the time they forget you exist until they see you, fawn all over you, tell you how much they miss hanging out with you, and then never calls. There's the friend with benefits that works out perfectly until something new and shiny comes along. There are the cute boys you know vaguely from work and would love to ask out on a date but are quite certain are way too attractive to have noticed you. Dating is hard. I hate it but spending every single night by yourself gets trying too. I know there's no easy answer to my dilemma except to suck it up and remember that tomorrow I'll probably be my usually cheerful self.

I hope.