Last week I was at home sick so this week's TILT is a two-week love fest.
Wassail! - Let's just say Brian and Rachel throw a darn good party and leave it at that.
Great haircuts - Just in time for the second round of the polar vortex, I got an incredible haircut from the fabulous Dan. Super short and super cute.
OFC Season Five Launched - I've been to all but one of the awesome OFC Launch parties and I'm pretty sure this one was the best. The drinks were great and the food was awesome and DJ Catnip rocked the house as usual. I danced my ass off for hours and sang at the top of my lungs with my girlfriends. A plus party.
Baby Snuggles - A few of the ladies headed over to help Dann and Elise work on their house since the little one came so early. I spent a large part of the afternoon putting together some adorable baby furniture and was rewarded with snuggles of the sweetest kind from tiny Desmond.
Shadow Over Innsmouth - Last weekend I made my one and only sojourn out of the house to see Wildclaw Theatre's adaptation of Shadow Over Innsmouth. I loved every single aspect of this production. When I got home, the ticket went up on the inspiration board because that is exactly the kind of high quality art I want to be involved in.
My family - This year has kind of been kicking the crap out of us health-wise and this week we got the news that my grandpa has stage-four cancer. They've decided that his quality of life will be better if they just make him as comfortable as possible. It's a hard decision but everyone has been very supportive of my grandma and it's good to know we can come together on some things despite all of our differences.
A kick in the butt - I'm honestly not sure where exactly it came from but I gave myself a bit of a kick in the butt this week. In most aspects of my life, I tend to allow myself to be last on everyone's list (including my own). This week, I decided to stop being so nice and accommodating all of the time and stir things up. This means my new office chair finally got ordered and someone is finally coming to fix my office radiator (which has never worked in the five years I've been here). I'm liking the change and planning on making it permanent.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
The Michelangelo Effect
There are a great many blogs coming down the pipes but, as they all tend to be a bit more on the serious and possibly controversial side, I'm going to ease into the week with a little food for thought on this lovely cold day in Chiberia.
In a recent psychology lecture, we were discussing the Michelangelo Effect. The basic idea is that, by being encouraging toward and supportive of our partner's ideals, we, in turn, help to sculpt them into a better version of themselves. The reverse, unfortunately, is also true. We have such power of influence over the people we are close to that we can shape them into the best or worst of who they have the potential to be. I find this to be both beautiful and terrifying.
We've all had that partner/friend/relative/person of influence that somehow made us less than who we were to begin with. The ones that made us feel unworthy of their love or respect, the ones that encouraged us to eat our feelings, the ones that made us constantly see only the bad things in ourselves. I can name more than I'd ever care to admit.
But I've also had wonderful people come through my life who helped me to step back out from who I had become and walk ever closer to the person I had always wanted to be. People who reminded me that I was smart, capable, worthy, lovable, talented. In the past two years, I have made strides that I never thought were possible. All because someone encouraged me to change my life for the better.
So here is my unsolicited advice for the day. Try to see your partner for their potential and encourage them in their dreams. Do not feel the need to constantly tell them their faults, they likely already knew them all well before you came along. And, if your partner makes you feel unworthy, unloved, or disrespected or if they make you unhealthier, meaner, or angrier try to see that for what it is and change it. Do not let anyone every make you feel smaller and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Let's try to make this world a happier and kinder place.
In a recent psychology lecture, we were discussing the Michelangelo Effect. The basic idea is that, by being encouraging toward and supportive of our partner's ideals, we, in turn, help to sculpt them into a better version of themselves. The reverse, unfortunately, is also true. We have such power of influence over the people we are close to that we can shape them into the best or worst of who they have the potential to be. I find this to be both beautiful and terrifying.
We've all had that partner/friend/relative/person of influence that somehow made us less than who we were to begin with. The ones that made us feel unworthy of their love or respect, the ones that encouraged us to eat our feelings, the ones that made us constantly see only the bad things in ourselves. I can name more than I'd ever care to admit.
But I've also had wonderful people come through my life who helped me to step back out from who I had become and walk ever closer to the person I had always wanted to be. People who reminded me that I was smart, capable, worthy, lovable, talented. In the past two years, I have made strides that I never thought were possible. All because someone encouraged me to change my life for the better.
So here is my unsolicited advice for the day. Try to see your partner for their potential and encourage them in their dreams. Do not feel the need to constantly tell them their faults, they likely already knew them all well before you came along. And, if your partner makes you feel unworthy, unloved, or disrespected or if they make you unhealthier, meaner, or angrier try to see that for what it is and change it. Do not let anyone every make you feel smaller and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Let's try to make this world a happier and kinder place.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Things I Love Thursday
Ladies night - Last Friday, despite the weird torrential downpour following the polar vortex, Elise, Carolyn, and I ventured out for ladies night at The Southern. Holy damn, there wasn't a thing we ordered that was anything less than amazing: southern food, kicked up a level. Plus they had the Vandermill Totally Roasted cider on tap which is never a bad thing.
IKEA - Saturday, the wonderful Ben and Amelia were kind enough to haul me out to the burbs in search of a bed that I was desperately in need of. After a couple of hours shopping and then managing to fit 3 people, a queen-sized bed, a desk, a large shelving unit, and a chair into their TARDIS (I mean car), I spent the rest of the afternoon reorganizing and assembling my new bed. Very happy with my very grown-up purchase.
My dentist - She's kind and encouraging and has completely cured my fear of going to the dentist. She also thinks I'm really great.
Judo - I got back on the mat Monday night and it felt great. Okay, it hurt like hell, but I realized just how much I've been missing exercise in general and judo specifically in my life. I love the people, I love the work, and I feel amazing when I'm done. Much thanks to Brett for getting me into the class.
Progress in therapy - As much as I almost never feel like a real adult who makes adult decisions, my therapist seems to disagree. She thinks I'm making real progress with several of the goals we set out at the beginning of our meetings so we're going down to every two weeks and maybe I'll have that extra copay money at my disposal by the end of the spring quarter.
Baby! - Turns out we got that ladies night in just in time because Tuesday my darling Elise and her husband Dann welcomed baby Desmond a whole month early. He is the most beautiful little munchkin and I cannot wait to snuggle him.
Asian Mexican food - So I've been walking by this restaurant pretty much since I moved to Lakeview. It is called La Tacorea and is marketed as an Asian Mexican grill. Needless to say, I've been skeptical. Last night, I went with my friend Travis and (as he had reported) it was really freaking good. A plus, would try again.
IKEA - Saturday, the wonderful Ben and Amelia were kind enough to haul me out to the burbs in search of a bed that I was desperately in need of. After a couple of hours shopping and then managing to fit 3 people, a queen-sized bed, a desk, a large shelving unit, and a chair into their TARDIS (I mean car), I spent the rest of the afternoon reorganizing and assembling my new bed. Very happy with my very grown-up purchase.
My dentist - She's kind and encouraging and has completely cured my fear of going to the dentist. She also thinks I'm really great.
Judo - I got back on the mat Monday night and it felt great. Okay, it hurt like hell, but I realized just how much I've been missing exercise in general and judo specifically in my life. I love the people, I love the work, and I feel amazing when I'm done. Much thanks to Brett for getting me into the class.
Progress in therapy - As much as I almost never feel like a real adult who makes adult decisions, my therapist seems to disagree. She thinks I'm making real progress with several of the goals we set out at the beginning of our meetings so we're going down to every two weeks and maybe I'll have that extra copay money at my disposal by the end of the spring quarter.
Baby! - Turns out we got that ladies night in just in time because Tuesday my darling Elise and her husband Dann welcomed baby Desmond a whole month early. He is the most beautiful little munchkin and I cannot wait to snuggle him.
Asian Mexican food - So I've been walking by this restaurant pretty much since I moved to Lakeview. It is called La Tacorea and is marketed as an Asian Mexican grill. Needless to say, I've been skeptical. Last night, I went with my friend Travis and (as he had reported) it was really freaking good. A plus, would try again.
Monday, January 13, 2014
A culture of criticism
I'm unsure if this is a newer phenomenon or if the world has always been this way but I find myself constantly baffled by our culture of criticism. While I find myself often awed by a TV show/movie/book, others question my good sense. While I am thrilled with the excellent care my dentist takes of me, I am appalled by her terrible one-star Yelp reviews. When did we stop focusing on the good? A few examples I have noticed recently:
I recently finished watching Season 4 of Torchwood. I, quite intentionally, do not read internet reviews so, after raving about it on Facebook, was a little taken aback when a friend wanted to speak to me because they had never heard of anyone who liked it before. Do these things really matter so much to people? If one person likes a show or an episode of a show or a documentary or a movie or a book that you did not particularly enjoy (or vice versa), does that make their judgment unsound or their taste less sophisticated than your own? Then when I started reading reviews (just to see what it was that people were complaining about), I still found myself baffled. Many people seemed to be disgusted by the unrealistic nature of the story line. Dear sci-fi watchers: Sci-fi is short for science-fiction. The wonderful thing about fiction is that the writers have artistic license to make things as real or outlandish as they happen to want. If they haven't explained all their logic to you yet, it is just possible that they have an idea to reveal their hand further down the line.
I also recently went on a group outing to The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Several other friends also went to see the movie over their Christmas vacations. Many people loved the movie while a small, yet vocal, number had nothing but terrible things to say about it. What people seem to forget when watching these kind of movies is that they are an adaptation of a book. It is not an exact replica of the book. Again, the screen writers are perfectly within their rights to take artistic license and make changes to make the book flow better as a movie. Now, if we're talking about the recent Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader where pretty much the only thing they got right was that the story took place on a boat called Dawn Treader, then carp away. However, if most of the essential story points are there and they have even been kind enough to add in supplemental material for the real nerds and the acting is good and there are relatively few slow points, then exactly what is it that we're still complaining about?
On a related but different area, my dentist. Dr. Nancy Block, DDS. I signed up with her through my insurance without really doing much research mostly because I wanted a female dentist. I had not been to a dentist in nearly ten years and I was truly terrified to go in and was sure I was going to have a mouthful of cavities and the worst experience ever. And then, a few weeks before my first appointment, I made the mistake of reading her Yelp reviews. These people were vicious. It seems that many a person thought that Dr. Block was a cold-hearted ice queen with no people skills who didn't know how to do her job. As I sat in her office, shaking with my sense of impending doom, I filled out paperwork. One of the questions that immediately jumped out at me was "Do you have any fears or concerns that you would like the doctor to take into consideration?" This is not a usual question and I felt my fears begin to subside ever so slightly. When she entered my room, before she even asked me to open my mouth and say "Ah", she first had a chat with me about my apprehension and immediately relieved every fear I had ever had of going to the dentist. Two years later, she continues to be an incredibly encouraging person to go to twice a year. All of those bad attitude reviewers can suck on my complete lack of fear of the dentist.
So next time you're setting out on a bitchy rant about a doctor, a restaurant, a movie, a book, or whatever you want to rant about, do me a few favors. Stop. Breathe. Sleep on it. Take a second look at your experience. Suspend your disbelief. Try to look at things from the good side first. I'm willing to bet when you start thinking about the number of things that were well done, they'll probably outnumber the things that you were being so overly critical about and maybe, just maybe, you can try to add a little extra positivity to the world instead of another dose of unneeded grouchiness.
I recently finished watching Season 4 of Torchwood. I, quite intentionally, do not read internet reviews so, after raving about it on Facebook, was a little taken aback when a friend wanted to speak to me because they had never heard of anyone who liked it before. Do these things really matter so much to people? If one person likes a show or an episode of a show or a documentary or a movie or a book that you did not particularly enjoy (or vice versa), does that make their judgment unsound or their taste less sophisticated than your own? Then when I started reading reviews (just to see what it was that people were complaining about), I still found myself baffled. Many people seemed to be disgusted by the unrealistic nature of the story line. Dear sci-fi watchers: Sci-fi is short for science-fiction. The wonderful thing about fiction is that the writers have artistic license to make things as real or outlandish as they happen to want. If they haven't explained all their logic to you yet, it is just possible that they have an idea to reveal their hand further down the line.
I also recently went on a group outing to The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Several other friends also went to see the movie over their Christmas vacations. Many people loved the movie while a small, yet vocal, number had nothing but terrible things to say about it. What people seem to forget when watching these kind of movies is that they are an adaptation of a book. It is not an exact replica of the book. Again, the screen writers are perfectly within their rights to take artistic license and make changes to make the book flow better as a movie. Now, if we're talking about the recent Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader where pretty much the only thing they got right was that the story took place on a boat called Dawn Treader, then carp away. However, if most of the essential story points are there and they have even been kind enough to add in supplemental material for the real nerds and the acting is good and there are relatively few slow points, then exactly what is it that we're still complaining about?
On a related but different area, my dentist. Dr. Nancy Block, DDS. I signed up with her through my insurance without really doing much research mostly because I wanted a female dentist. I had not been to a dentist in nearly ten years and I was truly terrified to go in and was sure I was going to have a mouthful of cavities and the worst experience ever. And then, a few weeks before my first appointment, I made the mistake of reading her Yelp reviews. These people were vicious. It seems that many a person thought that Dr. Block was a cold-hearted ice queen with no people skills who didn't know how to do her job. As I sat in her office, shaking with my sense of impending doom, I filled out paperwork. One of the questions that immediately jumped out at me was "Do you have any fears or concerns that you would like the doctor to take into consideration?" This is not a usual question and I felt my fears begin to subside ever so slightly. When she entered my room, before she even asked me to open my mouth and say "Ah", she first had a chat with me about my apprehension and immediately relieved every fear I had ever had of going to the dentist. Two years later, she continues to be an incredibly encouraging person to go to twice a year. All of those bad attitude reviewers can suck on my complete lack of fear of the dentist.
So next time you're setting out on a bitchy rant about a doctor, a restaurant, a movie, a book, or whatever you want to rant about, do me a few favors. Stop. Breathe. Sleep on it. Take a second look at your experience. Suspend your disbelief. Try to look at things from the good side first. I'm willing to bet when you start thinking about the number of things that were well done, they'll probably outnumber the things that you were being so overly critical about and maybe, just maybe, you can try to add a little extra positivity to the world instead of another dose of unneeded grouchiness.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Things I Love Thursday: New Year, New Gratitude
Welcome to 2014! It's a new year and so far (9 days in) it's shaping up to be a good one so here are a few of the things I've loved since you last heard from me.
My Christmas trip home - For my first week of vacation, I spent a week back in Champaign. Most of my week involved lots of family and food but I did also get to grab drinks with Chris, see the Abe Froman Project, sing karaoke with Matt Fear, go to Friendsmas at Eric and Martha's, and attend my mom's annual holiday party. Thanks to mom for all of the awesome food (especially our Christmas Eve dinner of standing rib roast, red wine reduction sauce, fingerling and purple potatoes, carrots and parsley root, pearl onions, and rosemary bread). Loved playing Cards Against Humanity with my family, getting to spend boatloads of time with Alysia and Heather, and having drinks with Katie and Jason. Also, my Christmas swag was pretty awesome this year. While many of my friends bragged of iPads and Kindles, I was super thrilled with new scarves, the Hyperbole and a Half book, Wizard of Oz Monopoly, monkey socks, body lotion, gift cards, and creepy clown dolls. My family truly gets me.
Sushi and kitty snuggles - As soon as I returned back to my lovely Chicago, I had a visit from little miss Ivy who came over to meet my animals. Penelope did not exactly know what to do with a little person and barked until we left but Ivy put both arms around my Buttercup and used her as a pillow for a large amount of the time she was there. I then returned to Hyde Park and enjoyed a wonderful sushi dinner with Sarah, Tim, Ivy, Erin, Craig, and Adam.
A visit from my BFF - Early in the hours of NYE day, my dearest Heather showed up on my doorstep for three whole days of cousin time. We ate all of the things that were bad for us and went to the movies with even more family and partied till it was 2014. I could get used to having her around. Anyone know any job openings in Chicago for an International Business major who is fluent in Spanish?
Great movies - Over my break I got to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and American Hustle. While I will be the first one to admit that 3D was a bad choice for The Hobbit, overall I loved the movie and thought it was beautifully done. Also, I want to be Tauriel. American Hustle was obviously a completely different movie-going experience. I literally knew nothing about it going in and was truly impressed by everyone involved. I could not guess where the plot was going next, Jennifer Lawrence's portrayal of crazy was terrifying, Christian Bale had the absolute best/worst make-up I have ever seen, and I want every single outfit that Amy Adams wore. Get your tails out there and catch it before it's gone.
Margaritas with lovely ladies - New Year's Day, Heather, Katie, and I had maybe a three-hour lunch at Cesar's. We laughed, we spilled our guts, and we drank ALL of the margaritas.
Doctor Who - I finally got around to watching the Christmas Special once I had the house back to myself and I cried like a baby. Matt Smith had what I think is one of the best regenerations I've seen so far. I really enjoyed the story and was not sad to see Clara miss out on most of the episode.
Words of encouragement - My best present of the New Year was from my friend, Amelia. She pulled me aside before I left our party and really built me up. Not going to lie, it made me a little teary that other people see how hard I try and love me for it.
Low-key baby showers - My dear Elise is now mere weeks away from popping out baby ? Mark. Many friends gathered around their home with books in hand and enjoyed an afternoon of catching up and creating our own pages to go in Baby ?'s book.
Emotional LARPs - Sanaa is a stone cold ice queen and it takes a lot to ruffle her scale-y feathers but, holy damn, those STs screwed with me all night long and I was emotionally drained when I got home in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Well played, friends, well played.
Frozen tundra days - I refuse to call them snow days. I was here for snow-mageddon and this was nothing like that. However, having two days of canceled work/classes and therefore two extra days of vacation due to the ridiculous below-zero temps was welcome and I am grateful that NU did not make me get frostbite in order to keep my job.
Recognition - On a work-related note, I got a bit of recognition today. In our staff meeting, I was presented with a Service Excellence Award. No, there is no bonus check or raise, just a pretty new coffee mug, lapel pin, certificate, and an invitation to a fancy award luncheon in April. And it's all I needed to get a bit verklempt. I work very hard and take great pride in my job and it was nice that someone actually noticed and nominated me for recognition.
Judo! - I'm starting back at my dojo on Monday. I'm most excited because our class is going to be a mix of physically disabled, visually impaired, and able bodied students who have mostly been doing judo less than 2 years. This program that they do is one of the reasons I love them so much and I'm very excited to be a part of it.
My Christmas trip home - For my first week of vacation, I spent a week back in Champaign. Most of my week involved lots of family and food but I did also get to grab drinks with Chris, see the Abe Froman Project, sing karaoke with Matt Fear, go to Friendsmas at Eric and Martha's, and attend my mom's annual holiday party. Thanks to mom for all of the awesome food (especially our Christmas Eve dinner of standing rib roast, red wine reduction sauce, fingerling and purple potatoes, carrots and parsley root, pearl onions, and rosemary bread). Loved playing Cards Against Humanity with my family, getting to spend boatloads of time with Alysia and Heather, and having drinks with Katie and Jason. Also, my Christmas swag was pretty awesome this year. While many of my friends bragged of iPads and Kindles, I was super thrilled with new scarves, the Hyperbole and a Half book, Wizard of Oz Monopoly, monkey socks, body lotion, gift cards, and creepy clown dolls. My family truly gets me.
Sushi and kitty snuggles - As soon as I returned back to my lovely Chicago, I had a visit from little miss Ivy who came over to meet my animals. Penelope did not exactly know what to do with a little person and barked until we left but Ivy put both arms around my Buttercup and used her as a pillow for a large amount of the time she was there. I then returned to Hyde Park and enjoyed a wonderful sushi dinner with Sarah, Tim, Ivy, Erin, Craig, and Adam.
A visit from my BFF - Early in the hours of NYE day, my dearest Heather showed up on my doorstep for three whole days of cousin time. We ate all of the things that were bad for us and went to the movies with even more family and partied till it was 2014. I could get used to having her around. Anyone know any job openings in Chicago for an International Business major who is fluent in Spanish?
Great movies - Over my break I got to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and American Hustle. While I will be the first one to admit that 3D was a bad choice for The Hobbit, overall I loved the movie and thought it was beautifully done. Also, I want to be Tauriel. American Hustle was obviously a completely different movie-going experience. I literally knew nothing about it going in and was truly impressed by everyone involved. I could not guess where the plot was going next, Jennifer Lawrence's portrayal of crazy was terrifying, Christian Bale had the absolute best/worst make-up I have ever seen, and I want every single outfit that Amy Adams wore. Get your tails out there and catch it before it's gone.
Margaritas with lovely ladies - New Year's Day, Heather, Katie, and I had maybe a three-hour lunch at Cesar's. We laughed, we spilled our guts, and we drank ALL of the margaritas.
Doctor Who - I finally got around to watching the Christmas Special once I had the house back to myself and I cried like a baby. Matt Smith had what I think is one of the best regenerations I've seen so far. I really enjoyed the story and was not sad to see Clara miss out on most of the episode.
Words of encouragement - My best present of the New Year was from my friend, Amelia. She pulled me aside before I left our party and really built me up. Not going to lie, it made me a little teary that other people see how hard I try and love me for it.
Low-key baby showers - My dear Elise is now mere weeks away from popping out baby ? Mark. Many friends gathered around their home with books in hand and enjoyed an afternoon of catching up and creating our own pages to go in Baby ?'s book.
Emotional LARPs - Sanaa is a stone cold ice queen and it takes a lot to ruffle her scale-y feathers but, holy damn, those STs screwed with me all night long and I was emotionally drained when I got home in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Well played, friends, well played.
Frozen tundra days - I refuse to call them snow days. I was here for snow-mageddon and this was nothing like that. However, having two days of canceled work/classes and therefore two extra days of vacation due to the ridiculous below-zero temps was welcome and I am grateful that NU did not make me get frostbite in order to keep my job.
Recognition - On a work-related note, I got a bit of recognition today. In our staff meeting, I was presented with a Service Excellence Award. No, there is no bonus check or raise, just a pretty new coffee mug, lapel pin, certificate, and an invitation to a fancy award luncheon in April. And it's all I needed to get a bit verklempt. I work very hard and take great pride in my job and it was nice that someone actually noticed and nominated me for recognition.
Judo! - I'm starting back at my dojo on Monday. I'm most excited because our class is going to be a mix of physically disabled, visually impaired, and able bodied students who have mostly been doing judo less than 2 years. This program that they do is one of the reasons I love them so much and I'm very excited to be a part of it.
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