The True Meaning of Christmas

The TV is full of horrible Kay Jeweler commercials and every year Black Friday becomes more deadly and infringes just a little more on Thanksgiving. The continual commercialization of Christmas gets me a little bit Scrooge-ier every year. So, with that in mind, here are a few things that I think make the holidays just a tiny bit better.

- Donating to great causes. Have a favorite charity? An amazing Kickstarter that needs funded? Instead of spending your money on useless crap that people are likely to throw away or regift, why don't you think about putting it to good use. Here are my two favorites this year:
Greater Chicago Food Depository
Lurie Children's Hospital

- Spending time with people you love. This can be your family or the friends who feel like family. I am personally looking forward to heading back to see my mom and sister next week but I am equally glad to know that the support system in my real home will be waiting for me when I get back. 

- Helping a friend in need. Last week, I helped a sick friend clean and decorate in preparation for a holiday party. Remember when someone needs you enough to ask for your help, it's important to respond with the same love and commitment that you would hope for in return. I also have an amazing friend who will be feeding my cat all week while I'm gone for Christmas. Provide some support, whether it be a shoulder to cry on or some extra muscles to help move, and you'll feel good about the season.

- Helping those in need. Buy that guy outside Dunkin Donuts a cup of coffee, put an extra dollar in that cup you walk by every day, stand up for someone who's being bullied or discriminated against. It's a long, cold winter in the midwest and everyone can use an extra bit of warmth.

- Giving thoughtful gifts. Don't buy your girlfriend some tacky piece of jewelry because that's what the ads tell you to do. Don't buy your grandpa the same coffee mug he forgot you gave him last year. Seriously sit down and think about what would actually make an impression. Shop local, support a favorite artist, take them on the first vacation they've been on in years, sign yourselves up for a cooking class, just try to think outside of the box. 

And if you're looking for a really great place to send your money, my friend Joy is doing a wonderful thing for her little brother. He has been working hard and unionizing at his job at the Oregon Zoo but, until they get a new contract, ends are a little hard to meet. So show some Zoolidarity and think about throwing a few bucks that way. This embodies everything I think that Christmas is supposed to be and warms me right down to my Grinch-y toes. So spread the love folks, maybe one day someone will do the same for you.

Things I Love: Holiday Season Edition

I really have a lot to be grateful for this year so, as we move quickly through this holiday season, I wanted to put out something a little more than my usual Things I Love Thursday post.

My friends - There were several times this past year when I really wanted to lay face first in bed and never get back up again. It's been a struggle getting back on my feet and I could not have possibly done it without the wonderful people who have been in my corner through ups and downs who let me cry and get mad and built me back up again one shattered piece at a time. Special shout-outs to Terri, Amelia, Sarah, Rachel, Elise, Carolyn, and Emily without whom I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have made it through without. Seriously, I love you all more than I could ever express in words.

My family - We've been through hell and back this year and have had more than our fair share of struggles but we keep going and there's never a time when we wouldn't drop everything for each other. They've been there for me even when I didn't deserve it. Much love to mom, Elaine, Heather, Alysia, and Katie, you guys keep me going.

My medical team - I've never really understood before why people got so attached to their doctors before this year. My therapist has been a god send and she reminds me all of the time that it's okay to be hurt and it's okay to keep going. When I knew something was really wrong, my doctors never once thought I was freaking out over nothing and, while I'm not looking forward to having surgery, at least I know it's something fixable. They're all caring and compassionate individuals that make me feel way better about getting better and not staying home to wait it out.

My job - It drives me crazy and makes me want to pull out my hair some days but it pays the bills and allows me to go back to school and, really, isn't that what's important?

My animals - My constant companions, I love having something soft and cuddly to come home to that loves me unconditionally.

Trying new things - Over the past year, I've discovered an aptitude for archery, a love of judo, a greater mastery of the culinary arts, and that I can actually enjoy school and succeed at it. There was a time not too very long ago that I sat in my apartment shaking with fear about leaving for a dance class, terrified that everyone would judge me and laugh at me behind my back. Now, it's sometimes hard to find some me time but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The holidays - Yes, this year I am actually thrilled about the holiday season. I was able to get gifts for the people that mattered most without stretching the budget to the limit, I might even decorate a little this year, there are plans for the Christkindlmarket and Zoo Lights, I've already been to Friendsgiving and Chanukah parties and there are more to come, and I have no desire to sit in my apartment feeling sorry for myself. I have every intention to enjoy my holidays and make 2014 a much better year for me.

My city - Last but certainly not least, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Chicago. I can't imagine life anywhere else. I know a great deal of my love is for the people I've met here but the city itself breathes new life into me every day. I can't wait to see what I'll discover about it in the coming year. 

Enjoy your holidays and try to remember what it is and, most importantly, who it is that you love. 

Oh and if you happen to be looking for some new reading material over the long winter nights, my friend just published a new book on Amazon's Kindle site for all you sci-fi geeks out there. Also, for a limited time, his short story is also available for free. Support a local writer!

Things I Love Thursday

Getting a night off - Last week, I was exhausted and felt like crap. I'd been sick most of the week and had just finished my first full day back at the office and still had an hour of therapy standing between me and my Thursday night class. So I emailed my teacher and got permission to come in, take our weekly quiz, and go home. That extra sleep was a life saver. 

A good party - Michael celebrated his birthday last week and, as usual, had a party full of the best of people and the best of liquor. I stayed much later than originally intended (I still made it to my class on time with coffee the next morning though) but I enjoyed myself more than I have in awhile. 

Good food and good company - Tuesday night I made a pot of chili and some cornbread and Michael and I curled up on the couch with my girls and watched Much Ado About Nothing. The food was excellent and the company was even better. I especially enjoyed watching it with someone who really got it and loved it as much as I do.

Getting to know someone new - I've started to make a few new friends (one who I've been talking to pretty much every day) and I really love the process of finding out someone else's story.

Working on goals - As previously mentioned, I'm currently in CBT once a week. We set a lot of goals short term and long term (being a planner, I love this). Right now we're working on my miserable sleep schedule and trying to get me back to a place where I'm actually capable of leaving my bed before I'm already running late in the morning. It's a work in progress but I can definitely see that her ideas work. 

This HuffPost Article - I've tried to emphasize a lot of these points here before. I also think it's great for anyone, not just women. 

My sister - She just gets me. I got some potentially bad news today and she knew right away exactly why I was freaked out. You don't get that kind of bond with everyone. 

asking for help

My sister has been having a rough time with her health lately. For those of you who don't know, she suffers from fibromyalgia and is also bipolar. The doctors have been screwing around with her meds and her fibro flairs have left her unable to do much of anything when she's not at work or class. So, recently, my mom posted on Facebook asking for anyone who could lend a hand to come help them clean her house. Several people jumped in and immediately offered there assistance and I am overwhelmed by their generosity. Then, I came across the following TED talk. When I posted this talk on fb, there was a lot of talk about how she spent the money from her kickstarter but let's not get into that here. Let's just take a minute and listen to the message of what she's telling you. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. I know a great number of people who struggle with this concept, myself included, but this is what I have to say to you:

• If you're struggling with your mental health and/or feeling like hurting yourself or others, it is okay to get medications and/or therapy. Fuck public stigma, people are assholes. The people who really matter will respect you for getting the help you need to better your life.
• If you're sick or otherwise incapable of getting through your every day life, it is okay to ask your friends and family for help. Even if it's something as simple as, 'Hey, could you pick me up some juice while you're at the store?' or something as complicated as, 'I've just cut off my finger, can you drive me to the emergency room?' I'm willing to bet the people who love you will drop what they're doing and help out.
• If you're lonely, don't be afraid to call your friends. *This happens to be one of my worst habits* Don't be afraid of rejection. Yes, sometimes they will be busy and unable to hang but, when they're free, I bet they're just as excited to see you as you are to see them.

What I'm getting at, is ASK. You will never know what you are missing out on until you finally have enough trust to fall back on the people who care about you. And a small addendum, if someone asks you for help and there is nothing particularly crucial deterring you, help. Realize how hard it is for others to ask and remember that it will probably come back to you the next time you need help of your own.

A Five Year Plan

A little over two years ago, I sat up into the wee hours of the morning having a heart to heart with someone who helped to shape who I am today in a very fundamental way. He asked me what my five year plan was. Back then I had no answers to his question. I had been drifting for so long and I felt that any of my hopes and dreams were unattainable so it was pointless to make a five year plan when nothing I ever did came to fruition. Over the next year, he helped me out of that place. Whenever I thought anything was impossible, we sat and talked out the logistics until it was actually possible. He taught me to let go of fear because when he reached out his hand and asked me to follow nothing ever seemed intimidating or impossible and the unknown was exciting instead of terrifying. 
I have a five year plan now. I want to finish my bachelor's degree. I want to make the Dean's list as many quarters as possible. I want to make it into the Master's in Higher Education program at NU. I want to get my position upgraded to reflect the work I'm doing instead of the work I was hired for. I want to bring my office into the new millennium and get away from all of the ridiculous paper we do. I want to put together a series of workshops on essential life skills that I believe are important for our students to know. I want to pay off all of my credit card debt. I have at least five more tattoos I want to get. I want to go skydiving. I want to travel to Italy as a graduation gift when I complete my bachelor's degree. I want to get to a point in therapy where I no longer have to be on medication for my depression. I want to be able to run a race that's more than five miles. I want to compete in an archery tournament. I want to get a demo tape together to send out for voice acting. I want a higher belt in judo. And I want to find a partner to do some of these things with. It doesn't have to be tomorrow or even next year but I'd like to find someone that encourages me to keep going and will hold my hand through the good times and the bad ones and will work as a team. *I don't know, that last one might be reaching a bit* :)
So here is my question to you, dear friends: what is your five year plan? If you don't have one, what are you afraid of? If you don't have one, find someone that motivates you and helps you find your real voice and tell your fear to shut up and shoot for the stars.

A Letter to My Students (whom I love)

Dear students:

I feel that we see each other often enough that I can give you some information that you might not otherwise glean from our short interactions. 

• There are 1600 of you and 1 of me. As much as I wish I remembered all of your names or the last thing we talked about and as much as I wish I could finish all of your required paperwork in a matter of a couple of days, I can't. There aren't enough hours in the day, I don't have enough hands, and I don't have enough brain power.
• I work through my lunch nearly every day so that I know there is always someone here to answer your questions. 
• I am not in particularly great shape because it takes me about an hour to get through a cup of soup with all of the interruptions so sometimes, when we're really busy, I eat chips and a candy bar because it's easier to get through and won't get cold. Also, the tea in my mug is almost always cold because the last time I got to take a sit was about twenty minutes ago.
• If I make it to the bathroom more than once during the day, I consider it a personal triumph. 
• I work here full-time and I also take weekend and evening classes so sometimes I might be a little more tired and less coherent than usual.
• I do the equivalent of about three people's worth of work.
• Working in university administrative services is what I want to do the rest of my life so that I can help make your college experience the best it can possibly be.

So please oh please be as patient with me as you can, keep your snide remarks to yourself, and remember every time you come in to "check on your paperwork" is time that I'm not working toward getting it done. 

<3

me

Things I Love Thursday

hair cuts - Well, the fabulous cut Michael gave me in July was still going strong but had gotten a little long for my taste. Also, as nice as it is to be able to just shave the underneath on my own, I just don't do as great of a job. So thanks to the wonderful Dan who cleaned me up and didn't give me too much crap for getting my hair done elsewhere.

big anniversaries - As many of you know, relationships have never really been my strong suit and I have very few people in my life that, even if they've made it many years down the road, that I consider to be great role models of good relationships. However, last week my dear friends, Tim and Sarah, celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary. They are both amazing people and wonderful parents and, even though I'm sure their relationship takes work, they are always kind to each other and give me something that I aspire to some day. 

poking the bear - Saturday night's LARP was highly amusing in many ways but making my friend Ryan's character super angry and sputtering in rage for a good 15 minutes was absolutely the highlight of the week. He's so cute when he's angry.

last race of the year - After a long day and very little sleep, I got up Sunday morning and ran the Hot Chocolate 5K in downtown Chicago. The truth is I haven't been training for it like I had planned and it wasn't a great race. My left leg seized up about five minutes in and didn't really feel like cooperating the rest of the race so I took a lot of walking breaks and had what is likely my most abysmal race time since high school. However, this was the race that I started back to running with last year and I finished and I'm going to try to train more for when I start race season back up next spring with the Cinco de Miler. 

equality - So with the Affordable Care Act finally giving my sister some health insurance she can manage to pay for already making my year, Illinois finally went and did something right by passing the Marriage Equality Bill on Tuesday. The thing is I believe in every form of equality. I think that everyone in the entire world should have equal access to marriage, health care, good education, three square meals, homes with roofs that don't leak and stay cool in the summer and warm in the winter, and anything else they could possibly need to get by. Call me a socialist and I will wear your badge with pride but for now I'll be over here doing my happy dance for all of my friends that are soon going to be having way cooler weddings than the rest of us.

babies - Dear lord all of my friends have adorable children. Watching all of your fabulous Halloween pictures go up last week was pretty "awww"-inspiring (see what I did there?). However, right now I'm getting super excited for the presence of two little end of winter/beginning of spring time babies: my friends Dann and Elise will be having a little boy and my coworker Heather is expecting a little girl. I can't wait to see their tiny, kissable faces!

therapy - I've been doing the Cymbalta thing for a little over a year now and, while I've had a pretty drastic change, I feel like things could be better. And the truth is I really don't want to be on meds the rest of the life. So yesterday I met with my new psychologist and I'll be starting on CBT to see if I can't get myself a little more cheerful and a little less sleepful. 

compliments - It's been a pretty good week for random compliments. Particularly amazing to me because I've felt pretty lousy and exhausted for a few weeks now and all I see when I look in the mirror is my paler than usual skin, the dark circles under my eyes, and the extra weight I've been slowly adding on as I haven't had time or money to get to my regular exercise routines. Don't get me wrong, I'm used to my friends and family always being willing to remind me how awesome I am but it's even better when it's someone else. To start off with, we are relatively certain that Ivy was trying to brush her little wisps of hair down into her face to have bangs like me which was ridiculously endearing. The same night, two separate random guys on the street stopped me to tell me I was beautiful. Then, over the course of advising week, I've had several students come in that hadn't seen me yet this year and told me how cool my hair cut was. It definitely helped put the rest of my issues out of my mind and remember they're what I see and not what everyone else sees.

Things I Love Thursday

feeling old in the best possible way - This week my younger cousins were full of good news. My cousin, Christopher, proposed to his girlfriend on Sunday. My cousin, Caitlyn, also got engaged on Sunday. And then my cousin, Kaylee, got engaged last night. I vividly remember when every single one of them was born and wish them all of the happiness in the world. Even if it means reminding me how old I am. 

blanket forts - Friday night, Noah and Terri had a brilliant idea of a party. We covered the floor with air mattresses and blankets and pillows, we ate junk food and drank hot cider, and we snuggled up together and watched The Addams Family and Beetlejuice in a perfect celebration of Autumn.

mama visits - Saturday and Sunday were pretty much dedicated to my mommy. She drove up early in the morning and started the weekend off with blueberry pancakes, fried eggs, bacon, and matcha lattes. She then took me shopping for cute little pumpkins and gourds and fall-like decor for my porch in order to make it look more inhabited, some groceries, and other little things to spruce up my apartment. Saturday night she made my favorite food: fried chicken, chicken gravy, mashed potatoes, brussel sprouts, and biscuits. We spent the rest of the weekend antiquing, checking out several vintage stores, and watching Much Ado About Nothing. It was lovely and helped a great deal with my incredibly crappy mood from the week before.

brunch - My dearest Craig came up on Sunday to see Once for his birthday. My mom and I met up with him for a lovely brunch at The Publican and it was good to see the man who has always signed my birthday cards "Aunt". 

a creative eye - I can do a killer makeup design and pull any number of fabulous pieces out of any costume vault I've entered but I cannot make my own things. I can't tweek my clothes to perfection and most art projects leave me staring at blank canvas. So many thanks to Makena who helped me make a killer mask and come up with a better costume for Saturday's masked ball. I would have looked like a total frump without her. 

90 Miles Cuban Cafe - Tuesday night we went out to celebrate my cousin, Alysia's, 25th birthday. We went to a cute little BYOB Cuban restaurant and spent several hours stuffing ourselves with amazingly flavored meats, rice, beans, wine, amazing desserts, and all of the plantains we could eat. Highly recommended to my fellow Chicagoans. 

Milli-love - Yesterday, we lost a great man and fantastic teacher. David "Doc" Golden taught many of us so much more than appreciation of theatre lit and seeing all of the outpouring of love over social media yesterday reminds me of what a great bond we will always have. 

my supervisor's right hand - Today, in a staff meeting, I jokingly called myself "Donna's right hand" to which she replied "and my left". No matter how much crap I go through at my job, it's nice to be reminded every now and again that I am appreciated.

the strength of your convictions

Yes, Thursday is usually devoted to my TILT posts but it's been a bit of a slow week, there was a lovely party last weekend that I thoroughly enjoyed and I've spent the rest of the past week catching up on work projects, housework in prep for mom's weekend visit, and homework. So with all of that being said, I'll go off on a bit of a "something that made me feel good" post.

Last week, I had a fantastic night out with my cousin, Alysia, who is about to turn 25 and has reached that "what do I do next" stage of life. I remember this point in my life clearly and had a few difficult years of trying to figure out who adult Em is, where she was going, what she wanted to do with her life. It was daunting. Now, five years later, I still have moments where I don't really feel like a grown-up and, at the times when I'm barely paying the bills, I don't always feel like I've got my life together as well as I should. However, last week, Alysia looked at me and said, "Tell me what I should do. Be my life coach." Amusingly, it isn't the first time I've had this similar conversation lately. The people that have asked my advice are anywhere from just graduated high school to late-50s who still don't know what they want to be when they grow up. Alysia told me she clearly remembered when I decided where I was heading with my life and how I had spoken about my goals with such conviction. Which I guess is part of where my "secret" lies. 

So here is my unsolicited advice for all of you lovely people that care enough to read my blog and need a little bit of guidance for the next step in your life:

It is not ever going to be easy. You won't just wake up tomorrow and have all of the answers. In fact, even when you're 90, you probably still won't have all of the answers. 

You have to have an end goal before you can find the steps to get there. I know this sounds obvious but so many people just drift, grasping at whatever comes along, and these are the people that find accomplishing their goals to be a difficult task. Life gets ever so much easier when you have a list of goals (places you want to go, things you want to do, etc). When you know where you're aiming, it's easier to find your footing and the next step along your path.

Dream big. You want to be a Muppet or the voice of a Disney princess? I promise no one will laugh at you if that's what you're really passionate about. No what field you'd like to be in? Find your dream job (the one you'd have a one in a million chance of getting) then work toward it. Even if you don't get there, I bet you find something you like doing just as much. 

Do what you love and love what you do. Yes, we all have to have random jobs that are just there to pay the bills but, when it comes down to what you do with your free time and what you try to build your career on, remember that if you don't love it, it's okay to move on and find something you do.

There is no such thing as failure. You just haven't gotten there yet. It could take you six months or sixty years to achieve all of your goals. Some of them you might outgrow or they will mutate into something different. But if you've spent your entire life working toward your goals, I promise, even if you didn't meet every one of them, you will still have had a pretty fulfilling life and probably found some things you never expected along the way.

In the end, I think it's the strength of your convictions that gets you where you're going. If you believe anything strong enough and are willing to put in the hard work behind it, anything is possible. 

Things I Love Thursday

three day weekends - I took yesterday off from work. Yes, I spent the majority of the day in doctor's appointments and the DMV but I was also able to enjoy the beautiful weather downtown, schedule several appointments that I need to call during daytime hours, and run errands that I typically don't have time for during the few evening hours I have left at the end of the work day. I was also able to catch up on housework, homework, blogging, and sending out several emails I've been putting off during the rest of my weekend.

Garrett's popcorn - Yes, I know it's a little silly that I've been here for four years and never picked up any before but I passed by on Friday and just couldn't resist. So tasty and anyone who doesn't order the Chicago Mix is crazy.

Much Ado - I now own the lovely Joss Whedon version of my favorite play and I am greatly looking forward to repeatedly watching it whenever I want over the next few months.

my mobile hotspot - Without which I would have had to haul all of my shit to Starbucks where it is noisy and often full of obnoxious people that make it extremely hard to concentrate on all of the things I need to get done on the internets.

fall weather - Now don't get me wrong, I hate winter with a fiery passion. I don't like being cold and snow is the most disgusting substance on earth. But fall is such a beautiful time of year. I love the changing color of the leaves and I love jacket weather and sweater dresses and cider and pumpkins. It gives me one last reason to enjoy the city before it turns into my own icy Hades.


nights out - Monday, I had a lovely evening full of tacos, wine, art projects, and chats with Makena. Tuesday night, I had a fantastic dinner at Hackney's with Elise and Carolyn followed by an awesome night of catching up with cousin, Alysia. It was lovely to be busy and full of friends and good food.

nights in - However, I was very happy to have no plans last night and an early bedtime. 

Post-Emily Post: Show Your Friends Some Respect

It greatly saddens me when I see the way that people treat the other people that share this world with them. It is especially upsetting when they do this to the people they supposedly care about. So here are some things to think about when you are interacting with the people who mean the most to you.

be humble - You do not need to tell everyone how great you are. They know, that's why they love you and keep you in their lives. If they give you a compliment, thank them but don't feel the need to elaborate for them just how great it really was in case they weren't paying attention.

be grateful - If someone gives you a gift, even if it is something you didn't want or ask for or need, thank them. Especially if it is something homemade or that they obviously put a great amount of thought in. If someone cares enough to give you something personal, even when they can't necessarily afford to spend a lot of money on it, just be happy that you have someone like that in your life. If they did spend a lot of money on it, even if it's not particularly useful, be happy that someone loves you enough to give you their hard earned grocery money.

try not to bulldoze them in conversations - Some folks are a little quieter than others and it takes a lot of effort for them to speak up in a group setting. When they do, stop and listen because they probably have something important to say.

you don't know everything and you don't know more than everyone else - Everyone comes from different life experiences. There are 25 year olds who have more under their belt than some 50 year olds. However, no matter how much you know and how much you've been through, there is ALWAYS someone who knows something you don't. See above thought on being humble. If you sound like a know-it-all most of the time, people will eventually get tired of listening to you.

show integrity - Don't lie to or intentionally cheat or hurt your friends. Or anyone for that matter. But especially your friends. Most of them would do anything for you and there is nothing you could ever do to disappoint them more than this.

it's not all about you - Remember to stop and listen every once in awhile. Some people are quiet and more willing to listen than others but even they will get tired of never getting a word in. 

Overall, stop thinking about yourself all of the time and try to treat people with the same dignity, love, and respect that you would like to be treated with.

the truth about love (or at least my truth)

Thursday, I got home from class and was ecstatic to find Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing waiting for me in the mail. As soon as I was finished with all of my doctor's appointments and errand running yesterday, I curled up under the blankets with my girls and popped it in. I just can't begin to express how much I love this movie but it starts with the fact that Joss was able to finally do justice to what I consider to be one of the most honest love stories I've ever read. Two of my favorite quotes about love are in the same scene when Benedick professes his love to Beatrice. 

"I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?"
This one, for me, is the perfect expression on how we find love. It's always been a surprise that I wasn't looking for. It overwhelms all other love and knocks me on my ass in amazement. Shouldn't we all be waiting for that feeling? So many people settle with just someone that's nice to them for a change or someone that's different than the last person who broke their heart. They look for an easy way by shutting down those dangerous feelings and being with someone safe. I have suffered great pain for love and never once have I believed that it wasn't worth it. I believe this so wholeheartedly that I will immediately run from a relationship the second I have the realization that it is not love. I know casual dating works for a lot of people but I have always been in search of the real thing.

"I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest."
This is the important part. The part I think many people forget. Just how much of yourself that love takes. If you're not both willing to give 100%, it's not going to work. I don't mean that you have to drop everything else you do or ignore your other friends but you do occasionally have to be willing to drop something when the other person is having a bad day or is sick and just needs you to come snuggle on the couch with them. It also means that you are willing to stand up for them if one of your friends makes them feel unwelcome. It means that you see their flaws as more parts of them to love, not parts of them that make them unworthy of your love. It means giving support or space when it is needed, it means giving them a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to, celebrating their highs and mourning their lows, being happy when you're with them 24/7 but able to enjoy your me-time when they're gone, sharing goals and hobbies and likes and dislikes but also having things you do without them, and always letting them know how much you love them even when things aren't going well. 

So take some time to appreciate your partners and remember that you're good enough not to settle for anything less than the real deal.

Things I Love Thursday

new tattoos - I've been wanting a new tat for awhile now and I finally had some free time and cash last week. I ran down to the shop around the corner from my apartment and set up a walk-in appointment for this little baby.

I found this great quote online: 'An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.' So, being an archer and really liking the quote, I got an arrow tattooed on my bow arm. Freaky little coincidence, the guy who did it trained in my home town and also did my sister's theatre masks on her back like five years ago. Small world.

in-game interrogations - Last week, at LARP, Sanaa got a little...testy with an NPC. Being an overpowering, bossy bitch that people listen to is a little empowering. Also, my fall outfit turned out better than I'd hoped for. I'll be sad on the day that I stop being Sanaa.

spa days - Yes, I've mentioned the spa before. Yes, Thousand Waves is still the most peaceful and amazing places within walking distance of my apartment. This time I spent my lovely three hours there with Terri and Amelia, who I love chatting with more than just about anything. Getting tasty food stuffs afterward with Amelia made it an even better day.

getting As - That's right, took my first quiz of the quarter last week, got an A. No reason to believe I won't keep it up. It always puts a smile on my face to remember how far I've come. 

lady friends - Along those lines, let me just give out an additional shout out to all of my lady loves. I got to see a large quantity of them over the past week between LARP, the spa, and Bekah's sushi and tea ladies night. So here's to Amelia, Sarah, Rachel, Terri, Bekah, Maggie, Heather, Alysia, Katie, Elise, Carolyn, Morgan, Morgann, Laura, Martha, Steph, Stephanie, Carol-Anne, Emily, and anyone else I may have unintentionally left out. Thank you. Thank you for being the women that encourage me to be better and stronger and for sharing such a wonderful bond of friendship that keeps me from being a lonely old lady being eaten by cats. 

genuine apologies - There are many days when it's very easy to look at the world and lose your faith in humanity. However, on a day when someone acknowledges they've hurt me and genuinely apologizes (not one of those lame-ass "I'm sorry you feel that way" apologies), I start to think that there's hope yet that some people do grow up and we're not all lost causes. 

cousin love - So we all agree that the government shutdown sucks but, if it has to happen, I have a little bit of a silver lining. My cousin and best-friend-since-birth, who is a private government contractor, is currently out of a job. This sucks for her. However, considering that she's applying for a ton of Chicago jobs and might move closer to me than she has since we were about 8, I'm selfishly hoping that the shutdown has pushed her my way. 

What are you thankful for this Thursday?

single does not equal desperate

Pardon me while I have a tiny bit of a rant. I have spent a large part of my life where most of my closest friends have been male. I tend to stay good friends with exes and I have, on occasion, had a friend fling. However, there is one thing I have never been able to understand: the assumption that any time a female is single, she must be desperate for sex. It is just simply not the case. So for the men in my life who I love but do sometimes stick their heads up their ass and do something so misogynistically disrespectful that I have the irrational desire to remove their testicles, let me set the record straight on a few things. 

I am made up of more than my lady pieces. Every time a male friend cops a random feel or stares at my boobs or makes an innuendo that was not invited, I am filled with a white hot rage like no other. I have spent arduous hours selectively choosing the people I allow into my life. I adore them each in their own way and for their own individual gifts and strengths. So when a friend does this to me, I feel that they have told me that the only thing they value in me is my vagina. I've read literally thousands of books; I am a Dean's list student at a prestigious university; I am well-versed in music, psychology, theatre, movies, and foreign languages; I love horseback riding, running, archery, dancing, playing the piano, singing, judo, and yoga; I am a foodie and love trying new recipes and new restaurants; I would love to be a voice-over actor and to make huge changes in the field of higher education; and I am a fierce and loyal friend who forgives easily and loves hard. And every time you stare at my cleavage instead of into my eyes, my heart breaks and I feel a sense of disrespect that borders on sorrow because you do not see or value these things about me. Staying single is a choice for me. I have been severely burned in past relationships and have no desire to rush back in again. I am a strong enough person my own and I would rather be on my own than in any kind of relationship where there is not mutual love and respect on both sides. I am too old to waste my time on anything less than 100% and the real deal. 

So, fellas, do us all a favor and show your lady pals a little respect. Some of us may be tiny but, trust me, we know how to inflict maximum damage to a maximum douche. 

Post-Emily Post, A Monday Snark: Good Neighbor Edition

After a summer of neighborhood street fests and the return of the irritating upstairs girls, it has become clear to me that this weeks post needs to be a reminder on how to be a good neighbor. Not just to the people who share a building with you but also to the people who share the same street, neighborhood, and even city with you. A little common courtesy is all I'm asking here, folks.


Lets start with volume control. Dear lord, people just do not seem to understand how to use their indoor voices. Your neighbors, fellow restaurant patrons, etc do not need or want to hear your conversations. They also don't want to hear your radio blaring as loud as it will go (especially any time after 10 at night or before 9 in the morning). The same goes for your TV, keep it at a reasonable volume. Also, if you're an upstairs neighbor, do your downstairs neighbor a favor and keep your high heels off until you're ready to walk out of the door. The constant clomping across the ceiling will systematically drive your poor neighbor insane. Also, if you're driving through a neighborhood in the middle of the night, try to keep the radio down and use your horn only when absolutely needed, waking up to a car horn because someone was too lazy to walk to the door is a truly jarring experience.

Along with volume control, your animals can be equally obnoxious to anyone who doesn't love them as much as you do. I, personally, am the owner of a particular yappy dog. Loud noises startle her into massive fits of the yips. However, I try my best to stifle the barking as quickly as humanly possible before it can irritate my neighbors to puppy-cide. Some other dog tips, keep them on a leash. I'm not saying that your dog is a bad dog or needs to be on a leash because it will misbehave. I'm saying that there are other dogs that are nervous by being approached by a strange dog and, even more importantly, people and small children that have serious fear of strange animals. Just try to show some compassion and keep them reined in unless they're running around at the dog park or the privacy of your own fenced in yard. Also, no one wants to look at or accidentally step in your dog's waste, take a baggy and pick it up like a responsible pet owner.

Along that line, maybe you could just in general not leave trash on the ground. It breaks my heart whenever I walk past the perfectly landscaped flower beds that the apartment and condo buildings on my block have set out and seeing them filled with cigarette butts, beer cans, vodka bottles, newspapers, and various other pieces of trash that people just couldn't bother to hold onto until the end of the block where there is a perfectly good trash can. 

The same thing goes for spitting on the sidewalk. For serious, why do people think it's okay to hock a giant loogie in the middle of where other people are walking?! I have had people nearly spit on me because I was passing just as they decided to spit. There is never anything so desperate that you can't either wait for the nearest trash can or bathroom or just suck it up and swallow that shit because no one else should have to be subjected to it.

Going along with bodily functions, let me give a special mention to public sex and urination. Two things that I have personally been subjected to in my adorable garden apartment. For some reason, people of the male persuasion have been taught that it's perfectly acceptable to pee outside as long as no one can see you. However, the stairwell to my front door is where I walk every day in and out of my house and it is someone's property, it is incredibly rude to use it as a bathroom. Do us all a favor and hold it until the next open Starbucks. Also, if, for whatever reason, you just can't wait to have sex until you get home, could you at least not leave your dirty condom out on the street (or in aforementioned stairwell) for someone else to have to clean up. It's your bodily fluid, no one else should have to figure out how to clean that up.

On a lighter note, for those of you that like to keep your lawns green during the summer months, more power to you. I am all for sprinklers at the right place and time. However, walking home from work down a busy sidewalk in my nice clothes is not the place or time. Please try your best to not water the sidewalk along with your lawn.

Love and respect, neighbors!

Things I Love Thursday

Down times - I love my Changeling character and, for the first time literally ever, I actually care enough to send in my down time actions between games. What makes it better is that my dear friend, Amelia, loves writing for my character and sent me the most beautiful email involving Sanaa. It made me feel like I was living a real faery story and I'm super psyched to see what happens next.

Nice dinners - I've finally been making regular trips to the grocery store and cooking real meals when I'm home. It's really nice to just sit down to a plate of mac and cheese and brussel sprouts at my dining table. It's much easier to concentrate on my homework than with my usual junk food in bed routine.

Good shopping trips - When you set out to find a specific article of clothing in a very specific color, you kind of expect to be looking for hours and maybe never find what you're looking for. However, twenty minutes into browsing through Water Tower Place, I found exactly what I wanted on the clearance rack of Express. Yay!

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. - I'm not entirely sure how I missed writing about this last week but welcome back to television, Joss! Two episodes in and this show is kicking some serious ass and giving me several geekgasms of joy.

Girlfriend time - It occurred to me as my seven week break with no classes came to a close last Thursday, that I didn't utilize my free time nearly as well as I could have. Instead of enjoying as much time with my girl friends as possible, I kind of hermited up. However, I've started on a path to remedy the situation. Last night, I spent a lovely evening at the park and eating sushi with the wonderful Sarah and Ivy which was much needed. I also have plans in the work to get some girl time with Elise, Carolyn, and Amelia soon too. I love my ladies and they are what keeps me sane.

The Return of Things I Love Thursday

I've been on a sort of internet hiatus. Work has been crazy, my mental state has been less than stable, and I just needed to take my free time and just dedicate it to getting back in a good space before the quarter started. My classes start tonight, I am starting to get back on top of my life, and I am ready to rejoin the blogosphere. 

Giant burritos - Last weekend I headed home for my grandpa's 80th birthday celebration. My aunt, Marianne, drove up with my mom on Friday and, as we swung into Chambana, we met my sister at Fiesta Cafe and I ate an enormous steak burrito with refried beans and spanish rice and some of the best margaritas you can get. Starting off a weekend home with a full belly and good company was spiritually warming.

Farmer's market - Saturday morning we got up early and headed to the local Farmer's Market where my aunt, Jodi's, toffee booth of awesome is. The atmosphere is always great, we see tons of people we know, and we get super tasty breakfasts from local businesses.

Cooking competitions - Speaking of the toffee booth, they're hosting an awesome recipe competition that I'm competing in. I think I've got a winner (as long as I get it shipped in time). 

Family day - The rest of the day was filled with more family than you could possibly handle. There was a local cake/punch open house at the church, a family dinner out at my uncle's lake house, and wine and board games out at my aunt's school house that lasted well into the wee sma's. It was an amazing day full of hugs and love, babies, and tons of laughter. Seeing my mom's godmother, my grandfather's sisters from Tennessee, my bff-since-birth, and everyone's little ones is just an amazing way to spend the day.

New babies - My cousin, Tiffany, just had a baby four weeks ago and Tyler is the cutest, cuddliest little baby. It definitely made my afternoon to carry him around and get to know him on Saturday. 

Cards Against Humanity - When I said wine and board games, what I meant was wine and Cards Against Humanity. I never seem to get tired of this game no matter how many times I've read those hilarious, dirty answers. However, the best part was my mother having to look up what "bukkake" was in order to play a card and my cousin, who is old enough that this was surprising, asked if she could trade in a card because she didn't know what "road head" was. Love my fam.

Brussel sprouts - I cannot get enough brussel sprouts in my diet. Seriously. It is insanely depressing to me that I can typically not find very good ones for all of the summer months. However, my grocery shopping trip on Sunday was most productive and I had happy happy veggie tummy all night last night.

Ladies night - After a day full of snotty undergrads, I seriously earned a ladies night. Thankfully I had one scheduled Tuesday night. Much thanks to Makena for hosting and providing fabulously boozy warm cider, Hiro and Rachel for the snuggles, and Steph for the facial and introduction to Arbonne, I'm a little in love with everything we tried that night.

Back on schedule - As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, I've been a bit off all summer. I haven't been exercising or meditating or eating properly or cleaning my house or taking care of myself particularly well. I finally feel like I've started to get back to myself a little over the past couple of weeks. I've been avoiding my video games and taking time to read, I gave my house a serious fall cleaning and reorganization, I got some good food in the house and have been actually cooking dinners, I've been getting in nightly sit-ups and push-ups and face-washing and flossing. I'm feeling a lot better and less hectic in my brain and it's nice to just breathe again. Now time to get off this extra weight I picked up. :)

No papers - Today I got my syllabus for my Thursday night Psychopathology course and it informs me that my grade is 50% weekly quizzes and 50% final exam. I test extremely well and I learn better from lectures and regular testing. I hate writing research papers with a fiery passion. Don't know what my Saturday course is going to entail yet but I'm glad I've dodged the bullet on at least one class worth of papers this quarter.

the good, the bad, and the ugly

I'm more than aware that I've been a bit on the impersonal side lately. The truth is I've been struggling a lot over the past month and I haven't really wanted to talk about it to anyone. I've been holing up in my apartment for weeks on end, playing video games, sleeping more than any human has a right to, and ignoring all of the things that actually need to get done before I head back to school next month. It's not a healthy way to deal but I've never really been big on burdening others with my problems. However, one of my favorite bloggers, Single Dad Laughing, reminded me this week that, when we set out as a blogger, we owe our readers everything, even the not so pretty parts of life. 
I've been pretty down since my friend passed the week before my birthday. I struggled a bit to make it through the summer quarter and came nowhere near my usual dean's list standards. Money has been tight all summer which means I also haven't been to any archery lessons or gotten involved in anything else over the summer. I've been eating too much, sleeping too much, having nightmares and insomnia, my anxiety has been high, and my depression has been out of control. I'm feeling a bit lost and lonely and, despite all of the good things I've got going, I'm struggling to stay cheerful. I always come out of these funks eventually and I'm not asking for pity and I don't really want to sit and have a conversation with anyone about it. Just, if you've got a spare moment, send some good thoughts this way. Maybe it will help.

Things I Love Thursday

Babysitting - Friday night saw me down good old Hyde Park with Miss Ivy while mommy and daddy had a much-needed date night. We played all night, had dinner and bath time, I watched her laugh until she snorted, and show off all of her new words (including getting ever so better at my name, yay!). There was only a very small melt-down for mommy which was quickly solved by some cuddle time with Ivan (her monkey) and curling up in bed while she crashes out in my arms is pretty much still the best thing that ever happens.

UFC Night - Saturday night, Daniel and I curled up on the couch with Sarpino's and the UFC fights. This may sound super boring to a lot of my friends but I love watching the fights and spending time with my fella.

ZSNES - It's been years since I had a good old SNES emulator up and running on my computer. Last night, I sat out my insomnia with a rousing couple of hours of Bomberman, it was oddly comforting.

Witcher 2 - All I can say is where is Witcher 3? The abrupt end of the fantastic story has left me sadly anticipating the next in the series. 

Torchwood - Yeah, I know I'm way late to the game but I just started and boy, do I love having more Captain Jack than I know what to do with. Also, holy cow, this is way more terrifying than Doctor Who and I am super glad I haven't been watching this at night. 

Post-Emily Post, A Monday Snark: Workplace Edition

I have been reminded today that some people have no idea how to appropriately function in the workplace so today I will be giving you all a few helpful suggestions.

1) As a new hire, do not come in trying to throw your weight around. Everyone has been here longer than you have and will not take kindly to you trying to take parts of their job or going around telling everyone what you will NOT be doing. They also know what your job entails better than you do at the moment so try to be a little humble and respectful.

2) Most offices prefer a team environment. So, unless it has been made very clear to you that there is an office hierarchy, treat the rest of your team as equals despite their position and educational experience. This will also make them more likely to help you when you eventually need it.

3) Don't shout across the office. The person you are shouting at could have someone in their office. Either pick up the telephone or get off your ass and walk over there if it's that important.

4) Personal calls are not meant for office hours. However, if for some reason you have to make one during the day, try to keep it short and maybe during your lunch hour. Also, if you're not going to leave the office to make the personal call, at least have the courtesy to close your office door so that you don't interrupt everyone else's day discussing where you will be meeting your friend for brunch next Sunday.

5) The office staff person (administrative assistant, secretary, whatever the hell you want to call it) should be your best friend. You should take the time to know their names and listen to and respect their opinions when they put them forward. They have control over EVERYTHING and can make your life as simple or as difficult as they want to.

6) Don't be afraid to ask for help. Your coworkers are way more likely to be cheerful about helping you before you screw up something huge.

7) Communicate, communicate, communicate. Do not assume that everyone is on the same page. Thanks to this lovely little thing called the internet, it is extremely easy to get the information out there. Trust me, most people would rather have too many emails than have to constantly guess as to what's going on in the office.

Things I Love Thursday

Free at last - Finals are over, I passed my classes, and I can do whatever I want with my free time through the end of September. I can't wait to get back to archery lessons this weekend, take off a little of this lazy/bad eating weight, and get some projects done around home that I've been putting off.

Old friends - My dear college friend, Colby, is home for a couple of weeks. A ton of the college crew went out to our favorite Logan Square dive bar and had drinks and caught up for the evening. These guys mean a lot to me and have pulled me through some really rough times and it was good to see them.

Mini break - Mom and I took a long weekend. All I wanted was to go somewhere outside of the city that had a pool (literally the only requirements I had). We checked into a hotel in Schaumburg, browsed at the mall, spent more money than we meant to at IKEA, swam in the pool, slept in super comfy hotel beds, and had a ton of good food. It was great to just get away from the city for a couple of days and do things I would never do at home (like eat cheesecake in bed). 

The best pet sitters - I couldn't have gone last weekend if it hadn't been for the fabulously wonderful Dann and Elise, who took my little Penelope for the weekend. I am ever so grateful that I have friends who are willing to take my yappy princess into their home.

Pacific Rim - When I got home, Daniel and I finally made it out to see Pacific Rim. What a kick ass monster movie. Amazing monster vs robot fights, nerds with tattoos, strong female character that can beat the crap out of you, Ron Perlman....seriously, do you need any more reasons for it to rock? Many apologies for anyone around us in the movie theatre that was distracted by the Kermit-like arm flailing going on where we were sitting. 

Post-Emily Post, A Monday Snark: Transportation Edition

So, for a large part of my adult life, it has become abundantly clear to me that a lot of people are lacking a specific type of knowledge: common courtesy. There are rules, some of them unspoken but lots of them should have been taught to us at a fairly young age, that people just either don't know or choose to ignore because they think they are somehow special. So I've decided to dedicate Mondays to this particular topic that plagues my life. This week I am choosing to focus on transportation.

Walkers: 
Crosswalks are there for a reason, please use them. Don't cross in the middle of the street or when the light is red, you are endangering your own life and the lives of others and that extra five seconds it would have taken to walk to the corner or wait out the light is not going to make that much of a difference in your arrival time. Walk with purpose and watch where you are going. There is truly nothing more obnoxious than not being able to pass a slow walker because they wander about on the sidewalk or being run into because someone is looking everywhere except the direction in which they are walking. If you bump into someone, be nice and say excuse me. Remember that you are NOT the only person/people trying to use the sidewalk. If you are walking in a large group (or even as a couple), try to not take up the entire sidewalk and give room for faster people to pass you by and, if you see someone coming toward you, maybe give them a little room instead of driving them off into the grass/road. 

Public transit riders: 
No, no one likes the public trans. Buses and trains are often crowded, uncomfortable, and smell of whatever odd combination of homeless folks, hippies, to-go food, and various bodily odors have passed through that day. But we could at least all try to make everyone's trip as pleasant as possible. So let's start with smell: wear deodorant (no one wants to smell your b.o.), almost no one likes the smell of patchouli so maybe you could leave it for home, your perfume/cologne/extreme floral scented hair spray/etc may smell really great to you but there are a ton of people that are highly allergic to those type of scents so either tone it down or don't wear it when you're going to be in small enclosed spaces, if you have to eat on the bus maybe you could go for a nice sub sandwich or yogurt instead of that can of tuna, and try to save those huge raunchy farts for when you get back off of the trans. You do not need more than one seat. If you are completely healthy individual, please give that seat up to the elderly, people with tiny children, people on crutches, or pregnant women. Use your indoor voice, no one else wants to hear your conversation and we probably don't think your inside joke is as funny as you do. When we're all packed in like sardines, squeeze in to all of the empty spaces and try to accommodate people trying to leave at the next stop.

Skateboarders/runners/rollerbladers/etc: 
I understand in a town like Chicago, it is difficult to find good places to participate in these types of activities. However, speeding down the sidewalk on the busiest part of Belmont and expecting everyone else to get out of your way is just douche-y. Go to a trail or a skate park or find one of the several less inhabited sidewalks to enjoy your activity on and, if you happen to be passing a walker, notify them in plenty of time which side you are coming up on and try to be kind about it. We're more likely to move for you, if you don't act like we are intentionally ruining your day by walking on YOUR part of the sidewalk. (also, see prior walkers paragraph on crosswalks)

Bikers:
First and foremost, if you are riding on the road (which, in Chicago, it is illegal to do otherwise), YOU HAVE THE SAME RULES AS CARS. It is not appropriate to drive in between lanes of traffic because you think that you are somehow entitled to get where you're going ahead of everyone else that is also waiting in the line of traffic. Also, stop signs and stop lights are not suggestions, they are laws. Every time you blow through the stop sign and narrowly miss running over an innocent pedestrian in the crosswalk, baby Jesus kills a puppy. If for some reason, you are riding your bike on a sidewalk, realize that you are the one in the way, not everyone else. If the sidewalk is super crowded, might I suggest getting off and walking your bicycle like a polite human being? If you run into me with your bike because you are too rude to share the sidewalk/roads, I will throw your bike in front of the nearest bus and make you watch as it is smashed to bits. 

Drivers:
Pedestrians have the right of way...ALWAYS. Even the obnoxious douche nozzles that cross in the middle of the street when you have a green light, you cannot hit them no matter how satisfying it would be. However, if someone is in the crosswalk and you have a stop sign or light, do not blow through and scream out your window that they should watch where they are going, you are actually in the wrong. Use your turn signal. Obviously you know where you're going but that guy about to hit you in the ass doesn't know you're turning if that little light isn't blinking. If you are, for whatever reason, unclear of the rules of four way stop signs, maybe you could give yourself a quick refresher. Traffic weaving is obnoxious and, again, will not actually make that much of a difference in your arrival time. Your horn is for emergencies ONLY. If you use it for anything else, you should be punished with a plague of boils. 

Anything I missed? Any suggestions for future Monday snark that you'd like to see?

Things I Love Thursday

Bollywood - I have never in my life seen a Bollywood film. Last Friday night, Daniel brought me along to his Bollywood movie night. I was inundated with more Bollywood gossip than I knew what to do with and given a run down of which actors were awesome and which actors I should hate and then watched the beauty that is Om Shanti Om. I kind of think I should have been born in a different culture. 

The plebeian pestilence machine - Otherwise known as the bus. I have discovered that *some* people are not huge fans. This has led to a large amount of hilarious text messages back and forth about the horrible perils of the poisonous purveyor of malevolence. 

Zombies - I took Daniel down to Hyde Park to meet my sweet Ivy and play Zombicide with Tim, Sarah, David, and Steph. A glorious time was had by all including fabulous middle eastern food, baby snuggles, good company, and squashing zombies with cars. Much apologies to Daniel and David for leaving them behind to be mobbed by the zombie horde. My flight or fight response kicked in. ;)

Good produce - I took a long trip to Whole Foods on Monday, spent my birthday gift card (and then some), and got some fabulous produce that I'm looking forward to cooking. As soon as I pick up some shortening, there will be blueberry pie, my dears. 

Doggy pals - Last night I finally got Penelope over to Dann and Elise's to meet Stella and Roxy. The girls had a nice long walk and then laid on the couch with us getting to know each other. I am so lucky to have friends that are willing to put up with my tiny queen while I'm out of town for a mini-break. 

T-minus 6 hours - That's right, ladies and germs, the summer quarter is spiraling to a close. My stats final is in the hands of my professor and in about six hours, I will be speeding home to forget all about my behavior genetics final. This has been a little bit of a challenging quarter but I'm pretty sure I'll be receiving my usual high marks and I have most definitely earned the next seven weeks of no classes.

Things I Love Thursday

Feeling the love - Between the birthday messages and the outpouring of sweet messages regarding Craig, I was really feeling the love last week. I am so incredibly grateful to everyone that helped make it a good week.

House guests - Anyone who knows me knows I'm not particularly big on sharing my space. So having four people from Alabama stay in my unairconditioned apartment for three of the hottest days of this summer isn't always my most ideal scenario. However, my house guests were sweet to my animals, a ton of fun to hang out with, and made my birthday even better. Thanks for sharing your friends with me, Heather. 

Color - Saturday morning started bright and early at the Color Me Rad 5k at Soldier Field. It was hot and sticky and Carolyn and I walked about half of the race but the energy was good and getting plastered in random colors was tons of fun. 

Birthday shenanigans - Holy crap, was there a lot going on over my birthday weekend. A large amount of this was eating and drinking. Friday night, we hit up Hopleaf (wood-grilled octopus and virtue cider) and Bar on Buena (burgers and g&ts). Saturday, we had brunch at Eleven City Diner (waffles, bacon, bloody marys, coffee, and mimosas), met up at Galway Arms for dinner with a lot of wonderful friends (fish & chips, magners, and chocolate creme brulee), and finished up the night listening to great music at Kingston Mines (lots of Angry Orchard). Sunday, I slept and got through some homework while my house guests ran out for some touristy goodness and then we took a party of 10 to Quartino where I'm pretty sure we ordered over half of the menu, got through four litres of wine, there was a penis-shaped dessert complete with candles for me, nearly every other dessert on the menu, cappuccino, limoncello, grapefruit-cello, and lots of groaning over how full and happy we all were. Truly a perfect birthday weekend.

Good gift givers - We'll start with Daniel who pays way too much attention to everything I say and showed up on Saturday with the super amazing Global chef knife I've had my eyes on for months. As a nice compliment, my cousin and house guests got me a Whole Foods gift card. I am so looking forward to buying a ton of fabulous ingredients and cutting them all up with my new samurai sword this weekend. 

Baby visits - It's been nearly a month since I've made it down to see my sweet Ivy and last night finally worked out. I got to participate in bath time, dinner time, read tons of books, play with her dollies, and curl up next to her and Sarah while she drifted off to dreamland. I always feel so incredibly at ease when I leave there.

One week - In one week, I will finally be done with classes. The summer quarter has sped by and I am beyond ready to have some time off to enjoy some quality time with Daniel, lose some of the birthday weight, and get back to the archery range. Life, I've missed you. Homework, you can eff off for a couple of months.

the invisible sufferers

Today is one of those subjects particularly close to my heart: those that suffer from invisible disabilities. There are a number of illnesses that fit in this category including fibromyalgia, epilepsy, endometriosis, chronic pain, migraines, and a variety of mental illnesses. They range in their levels of debilitation but the important part is that they are incredibly painful and not particularly obvious to the naked eye. Every once in awhile you'll see a random Facebook meme alerting you to the fact that someone you know is silently suffering behind a smile and a perfectly normal looking body. A great many people that I care for deeply fall into this category. So, here are a few things that you probably didn't know about these folks. 

1) These are the strongest people you will ever meet. The amount of pain they go through is many levels of horrifying, far worse than most of us could begin to imagine. And somehow they manage to keep it hidden from the majority of the world. They stay inside, away from other people, when the pain is unbearable and they smile through it so no one can ever see what kind of misery they are in on a regular basis. 

2) If they are cranky or avoidant or seem to "just have one problem after another", it is out of their control. They are not being drama queens or spreading misery. Think about it, some of us get testy with other people if we don't have enough coffee in the morning. Imagine what it would be like to be under constant excruciating pain.

3) It is not in their head. If you have anything to imply about psychosomatic symptoms, kindly fuck off somewhere else.

4) They are some of the most loving and wonderful people I know. They tend to care about and take care of everyone around them better than they ever take care of themselves. Even when they feel like total shit, they will take the time to email, call, or drop everything to spend time with you in the middle of a break-up or personal crisis that isn't half as important as what they're going through every day.

5) Despite all of this, they think that they are broken and somehow unworthy of love or any other good things in their life. They tend to have a hard time finding or keeping jobs, they face rejection on a regular basis because of tics or behaviors or incidences that they cannot control, and relationships, friends or partners, are difficult to maintain because so few people understand what it is that they go through. 

So please please please try to raise awareness around you. If you know someone like this and you see them struggling, help them without being asked. If you have been asked, understand that it was probably a last act of desperation, drop everything and get your ass over to them. Stand up for them when people talk about them behind their backs and try to protect them in the workplace. Care for them unconditionally. Stop getting so wrapped up in your own meaningless bullshit and remember that other people around you are fighting battles everyday. 

Things I Love Thursday

When you get shitty news, it's even more important to remember the good things in your life.

a great weekend home - Last weekend I made a quick visit home. I got to have drinks with mom and Jessa, snuggle my sister and my mom's pups, get some birthday shopping in courtesy of my mom, get a haircut with Michael, visit with the Burton-Mills clan, eat some of my mom's tasty biscuits and gravy, make a trip to Jarling's, and I got to see a giant group of family and friends at Jodi & Mark's wedding. It was one of those things I had definitely been needing. Oh and my mom did me the best favor ever on Sunday when she drove me to the grocery store so I didn't have to carry my bags on the public trans. 

new hair - Saturday morning, I let my own personal goddess, Michael, shave off a large chunk of my hair a la Tilda Swinton. It's light and easy to fix and I have honestly never been so in love with my hair. Super happy about the new do.

beautiful vow renewal - Saturday night, my aunt, Jodi, and her husband, Mark, renewed their vows in an actual church ceremony and had a huge shindig out at their country schoolhouse afterward. Their tree theme was the best wedding theme I've ever seen. The readings were poignant, the music was beautiful, and it was so good to see my aunt looking thirty years younger because she was shining so much from her happiness. It was also good to see my family and friends that I almost never get to see. 

Alba - Saturday afternoon, I made a stop at the Burton-Mills residence to give Eric and Martha some love and visit with sweet little Alba. Their daughter is the most adorable, polite, grown up little toddler and I thoroughly enjoyed playing in the sand box and wading pool with her and learning all about how a three year old builds a sand castle. 

Ella - My cousin's five year old, Ella, was the flower fairy in Jodi and Mark's renewal ceremony. This kid has me wrapped around every single one of her tiny fingers. No matter how tired I am, if she reaches her arms up, I will pick her up and cuddle her. If she tells me it's time to dance, I will put on my boogie shoes. She is brilliant and well-behaved and her love of life is infectious. I repeatedly told her mom that I was going to steal her away with me. I can't wait until she's old enough to come spend time in Chicago with me and I love seeing the little lady she's going to become.

showing off my mad skills in the kitchen - Sunday evening, Daniel came over and I made some killer dinner. I made a linguine in pesto sauce with butter-poached shrimp, garlic bread, and roasted brussel sprouts. Yes, it was kind of fancy but I seriously never get to cook for other people and I really wanted to try out some new skills I've been studying lately. It turned out great and cuddling up with a sweet boy on the couch with a pint of blood orange sorbet and one of my favorite old Marlon Brando movies, Sayonara, was a great end to the weekend.

requiem to a first love

The world lost a wonderful person this week. On Monday, July 15th, my dear friend, Craig, took his life. I don't know any of the details and I haven't seen him in about five years but I am heartbroken and devastated. Craig was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, and the first boy I ever loved (to what extent a 14 year old girl can). He was incredibly smart, driven to do great things, and I loved to sing with him for hours on end. He gave me my love of dancing and, to this day, I have never had a dance partner that I worked with as well as we worked together. We would sing Phantom of the Opera, each vying for who could sing Christine better, and performed in many shows together. No one has ever beaten the two of us at Pictionary. He leaves behind his parents, Bill & Danielle, his partner, Michael, and two adorable dachshunds, Harry & Artie. Everyone who knew Craig loved him and the world is an emptier place without him. Good night sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. 




Craig & Emily, Monticello High School Homecoming, 1997

brighter sides of geekdom: the people you meet

I have a ton of subjects I'd love to be posting on: the irritating habit people have of one-upping each other's stories, the sadness of people succumbing to drug addiction, my anger over the verdict of the Trayvon Martin case, and my severe annoyance at the people in my neighborhood that seem to have no idea how disgusting littering is. The truth is though, I feel like I need to post something positive today. This week has been really horrible for some of my friends and really amazing for some of my friends and, since I don't think the ones who are already having a bad week need to be brought down any further and the ones with good news should keep riding that wave of happy, I'm going to take a page out of Daniel's blog and write about something that helps me through the bad days and the good ones: my amazing friends.

Growing up as a geeky super nerd of the land of brainiacs, freaks, tom-boys, and "those theatre people", was never an easy road. There was always something that someone was teasing me about: my glasses, my bucked teeth, my braces that were fixing my bucked teeth, my good grades, every single time I happened to make a mistake in class, the weird clothes I liked to wear...I think you get the idea. Making friends and, more importantly, maintaining those friendships was never a simple task. I was painfully shy, socially awkward, intellectually advanced way further than my age, and I had the miserable habit of refusing to follow the crowd just so I could be one of the in-crowd. However, what I've found in the past thirty years is that those friendships that I cemented through my weirder ways of life have been the ones that have repeatedly stood the test of time. They were also the ones that required the least amount of work. In the Anne of Green Gables books, Anne refers to these people as "kindred spirits". And you find them everywhere when you least expect it. I've met them in the autograph line at comic con, at random parties thrown by exes, in shows, at school, they just show up and you automatically know that you're going to be lifelong friends. I am especially grateful at the moment because it has led me to my most recent guy of whom I spend my free time with. Yes, he was my psych professor last quarter and no, I did not make a move until after my grades were posted but I pretty much knew from the first day of class that he was someone that needed to be part of my life. It's okay to be who you are, the people that are worth wasting your time on will find you. :)