Things I Love Thursday

feeling old in the best possible way - This week my younger cousins were full of good news. My cousin, Christopher, proposed to his girlfriend on Sunday. My cousin, Caitlyn, also got engaged on Sunday. And then my cousin, Kaylee, got engaged last night. I vividly remember when every single one of them was born and wish them all of the happiness in the world. Even if it means reminding me how old I am. 

blanket forts - Friday night, Noah and Terri had a brilliant idea of a party. We covered the floor with air mattresses and blankets and pillows, we ate junk food and drank hot cider, and we snuggled up together and watched The Addams Family and Beetlejuice in a perfect celebration of Autumn.

mama visits - Saturday and Sunday were pretty much dedicated to my mommy. She drove up early in the morning and started the weekend off with blueberry pancakes, fried eggs, bacon, and matcha lattes. She then took me shopping for cute little pumpkins and gourds and fall-like decor for my porch in order to make it look more inhabited, some groceries, and other little things to spruce up my apartment. Saturday night she made my favorite food: fried chicken, chicken gravy, mashed potatoes, brussel sprouts, and biscuits. We spent the rest of the weekend antiquing, checking out several vintage stores, and watching Much Ado About Nothing. It was lovely and helped a great deal with my incredibly crappy mood from the week before.

brunch - My dearest Craig came up on Sunday to see Once for his birthday. My mom and I met up with him for a lovely brunch at The Publican and it was good to see the man who has always signed my birthday cards "Aunt". 

a creative eye - I can do a killer makeup design and pull any number of fabulous pieces out of any costume vault I've entered but I cannot make my own things. I can't tweek my clothes to perfection and most art projects leave me staring at blank canvas. So many thanks to Makena who helped me make a killer mask and come up with a better costume for Saturday's masked ball. I would have looked like a total frump without her. 

90 Miles Cuban Cafe - Tuesday night we went out to celebrate my cousin, Alysia's, 25th birthday. We went to a cute little BYOB Cuban restaurant and spent several hours stuffing ourselves with amazingly flavored meats, rice, beans, wine, amazing desserts, and all of the plantains we could eat. Highly recommended to my fellow Chicagoans. 

Milli-love - Yesterday, we lost a great man and fantastic teacher. David "Doc" Golden taught many of us so much more than appreciation of theatre lit and seeing all of the outpouring of love over social media yesterday reminds me of what a great bond we will always have. 

my supervisor's right hand - Today, in a staff meeting, I jokingly called myself "Donna's right hand" to which she replied "and my left". No matter how much crap I go through at my job, it's nice to be reminded every now and again that I am appreciated.

the strength of your convictions

Yes, Thursday is usually devoted to my TILT posts but it's been a bit of a slow week, there was a lovely party last weekend that I thoroughly enjoyed and I've spent the rest of the past week catching up on work projects, housework in prep for mom's weekend visit, and homework. So with all of that being said, I'll go off on a bit of a "something that made me feel good" post.

Last week, I had a fantastic night out with my cousin, Alysia, who is about to turn 25 and has reached that "what do I do next" stage of life. I remember this point in my life clearly and had a few difficult years of trying to figure out who adult Em is, where she was going, what she wanted to do with her life. It was daunting. Now, five years later, I still have moments where I don't really feel like a grown-up and, at the times when I'm barely paying the bills, I don't always feel like I've got my life together as well as I should. However, last week, Alysia looked at me and said, "Tell me what I should do. Be my life coach." Amusingly, it isn't the first time I've had this similar conversation lately. The people that have asked my advice are anywhere from just graduated high school to late-50s who still don't know what they want to be when they grow up. Alysia told me she clearly remembered when I decided where I was heading with my life and how I had spoken about my goals with such conviction. Which I guess is part of where my "secret" lies. 

So here is my unsolicited advice for all of you lovely people that care enough to read my blog and need a little bit of guidance for the next step in your life:

It is not ever going to be easy. You won't just wake up tomorrow and have all of the answers. In fact, even when you're 90, you probably still won't have all of the answers. 

You have to have an end goal before you can find the steps to get there. I know this sounds obvious but so many people just drift, grasping at whatever comes along, and these are the people that find accomplishing their goals to be a difficult task. Life gets ever so much easier when you have a list of goals (places you want to go, things you want to do, etc). When you know where you're aiming, it's easier to find your footing and the next step along your path.

Dream big. You want to be a Muppet or the voice of a Disney princess? I promise no one will laugh at you if that's what you're really passionate about. No what field you'd like to be in? Find your dream job (the one you'd have a one in a million chance of getting) then work toward it. Even if you don't get there, I bet you find something you like doing just as much. 

Do what you love and love what you do. Yes, we all have to have random jobs that are just there to pay the bills but, when it comes down to what you do with your free time and what you try to build your career on, remember that if you don't love it, it's okay to move on and find something you do.

There is no such thing as failure. You just haven't gotten there yet. It could take you six months or sixty years to achieve all of your goals. Some of them you might outgrow or they will mutate into something different. But if you've spent your entire life working toward your goals, I promise, even if you didn't meet every one of them, you will still have had a pretty fulfilling life and probably found some things you never expected along the way.

In the end, I think it's the strength of your convictions that gets you where you're going. If you believe anything strong enough and are willing to put in the hard work behind it, anything is possible. 

Things I Love Thursday

three day weekends - I took yesterday off from work. Yes, I spent the majority of the day in doctor's appointments and the DMV but I was also able to enjoy the beautiful weather downtown, schedule several appointments that I need to call during daytime hours, and run errands that I typically don't have time for during the few evening hours I have left at the end of the work day. I was also able to catch up on housework, homework, blogging, and sending out several emails I've been putting off during the rest of my weekend.

Garrett's popcorn - Yes, I know it's a little silly that I've been here for four years and never picked up any before but I passed by on Friday and just couldn't resist. So tasty and anyone who doesn't order the Chicago Mix is crazy.

Much Ado - I now own the lovely Joss Whedon version of my favorite play and I am greatly looking forward to repeatedly watching it whenever I want over the next few months.

my mobile hotspot - Without which I would have had to haul all of my shit to Starbucks where it is noisy and often full of obnoxious people that make it extremely hard to concentrate on all of the things I need to get done on the internets.

fall weather - Now don't get me wrong, I hate winter with a fiery passion. I don't like being cold and snow is the most disgusting substance on earth. But fall is such a beautiful time of year. I love the changing color of the leaves and I love jacket weather and sweater dresses and cider and pumpkins. It gives me one last reason to enjoy the city before it turns into my own icy Hades.


nights out - Monday, I had a lovely evening full of tacos, wine, art projects, and chats with Makena. Tuesday night, I had a fantastic dinner at Hackney's with Elise and Carolyn followed by an awesome night of catching up with cousin, Alysia. It was lovely to be busy and full of friends and good food.

nights in - However, I was very happy to have no plans last night and an early bedtime. 

Post-Emily Post: Show Your Friends Some Respect

It greatly saddens me when I see the way that people treat the other people that share this world with them. It is especially upsetting when they do this to the people they supposedly care about. So here are some things to think about when you are interacting with the people who mean the most to you.

be humble - You do not need to tell everyone how great you are. They know, that's why they love you and keep you in their lives. If they give you a compliment, thank them but don't feel the need to elaborate for them just how great it really was in case they weren't paying attention.

be grateful - If someone gives you a gift, even if it is something you didn't want or ask for or need, thank them. Especially if it is something homemade or that they obviously put a great amount of thought in. If someone cares enough to give you something personal, even when they can't necessarily afford to spend a lot of money on it, just be happy that you have someone like that in your life. If they did spend a lot of money on it, even if it's not particularly useful, be happy that someone loves you enough to give you their hard earned grocery money.

try not to bulldoze them in conversations - Some folks are a little quieter than others and it takes a lot of effort for them to speak up in a group setting. When they do, stop and listen because they probably have something important to say.

you don't know everything and you don't know more than everyone else - Everyone comes from different life experiences. There are 25 year olds who have more under their belt than some 50 year olds. However, no matter how much you know and how much you've been through, there is ALWAYS someone who knows something you don't. See above thought on being humble. If you sound like a know-it-all most of the time, people will eventually get tired of listening to you.

show integrity - Don't lie to or intentionally cheat or hurt your friends. Or anyone for that matter. But especially your friends. Most of them would do anything for you and there is nothing you could ever do to disappoint them more than this.

it's not all about you - Remember to stop and listen every once in awhile. Some people are quiet and more willing to listen than others but even they will get tired of never getting a word in. 

Overall, stop thinking about yourself all of the time and try to treat people with the same dignity, love, and respect that you would like to be treated with.

the truth about love (or at least my truth)

Thursday, I got home from class and was ecstatic to find Joss Whedon's Much Ado About Nothing waiting for me in the mail. As soon as I was finished with all of my doctor's appointments and errand running yesterday, I curled up under the blankets with my girls and popped it in. I just can't begin to express how much I love this movie but it starts with the fact that Joss was able to finally do justice to what I consider to be one of the most honest love stories I've ever read. Two of my favorite quotes about love are in the same scene when Benedick professes his love to Beatrice. 

"I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?"
This one, for me, is the perfect expression on how we find love. It's always been a surprise that I wasn't looking for. It overwhelms all other love and knocks me on my ass in amazement. Shouldn't we all be waiting for that feeling? So many people settle with just someone that's nice to them for a change or someone that's different than the last person who broke their heart. They look for an easy way by shutting down those dangerous feelings and being with someone safe. I have suffered great pain for love and never once have I believed that it wasn't worth it. I believe this so wholeheartedly that I will immediately run from a relationship the second I have the realization that it is not love. I know casual dating works for a lot of people but I have always been in search of the real thing.

"I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest."
This is the important part. The part I think many people forget. Just how much of yourself that love takes. If you're not both willing to give 100%, it's not going to work. I don't mean that you have to drop everything else you do or ignore your other friends but you do occasionally have to be willing to drop something when the other person is having a bad day or is sick and just needs you to come snuggle on the couch with them. It also means that you are willing to stand up for them if one of your friends makes them feel unwelcome. It means that you see their flaws as more parts of them to love, not parts of them that make them unworthy of your love. It means giving support or space when it is needed, it means giving them a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to, celebrating their highs and mourning their lows, being happy when you're with them 24/7 but able to enjoy your me-time when they're gone, sharing goals and hobbies and likes and dislikes but also having things you do without them, and always letting them know how much you love them even when things aren't going well. 

So take some time to appreciate your partners and remember that you're good enough not to settle for anything less than the real deal.

Things I Love Thursday

new tattoos - I've been wanting a new tat for awhile now and I finally had some free time and cash last week. I ran down to the shop around the corner from my apartment and set up a walk-in appointment for this little baby.

I found this great quote online: 'An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.' So, being an archer and really liking the quote, I got an arrow tattooed on my bow arm. Freaky little coincidence, the guy who did it trained in my home town and also did my sister's theatre masks on her back like five years ago. Small world.

in-game interrogations - Last week, at LARP, Sanaa got a little...testy with an NPC. Being an overpowering, bossy bitch that people listen to is a little empowering. Also, my fall outfit turned out better than I'd hoped for. I'll be sad on the day that I stop being Sanaa.

spa days - Yes, I've mentioned the spa before. Yes, Thousand Waves is still the most peaceful and amazing places within walking distance of my apartment. This time I spent my lovely three hours there with Terri and Amelia, who I love chatting with more than just about anything. Getting tasty food stuffs afterward with Amelia made it an even better day.

getting As - That's right, took my first quiz of the quarter last week, got an A. No reason to believe I won't keep it up. It always puts a smile on my face to remember how far I've come. 

lady friends - Along those lines, let me just give out an additional shout out to all of my lady loves. I got to see a large quantity of them over the past week between LARP, the spa, and Bekah's sushi and tea ladies night. So here's to Amelia, Sarah, Rachel, Terri, Bekah, Maggie, Heather, Alysia, Katie, Elise, Carolyn, Morgan, Morgann, Laura, Martha, Steph, Stephanie, Carol-Anne, Emily, and anyone else I may have unintentionally left out. Thank you. Thank you for being the women that encourage me to be better and stronger and for sharing such a wonderful bond of friendship that keeps me from being a lonely old lady being eaten by cats. 

genuine apologies - There are many days when it's very easy to look at the world and lose your faith in humanity. However, on a day when someone acknowledges they've hurt me and genuinely apologizes (not one of those lame-ass "I'm sorry you feel that way" apologies), I start to think that there's hope yet that some people do grow up and we're not all lost causes. 

cousin love - So we all agree that the government shutdown sucks but, if it has to happen, I have a little bit of a silver lining. My cousin and best-friend-since-birth, who is a private government contractor, is currently out of a job. This sucks for her. However, considering that she's applying for a ton of Chicago jobs and might move closer to me than she has since we were about 8, I'm selfishly hoping that the shutdown has pushed her my way. 

What are you thankful for this Thursday?

single does not equal desperate

Pardon me while I have a tiny bit of a rant. I have spent a large part of my life where most of my closest friends have been male. I tend to stay good friends with exes and I have, on occasion, had a friend fling. However, there is one thing I have never been able to understand: the assumption that any time a female is single, she must be desperate for sex. It is just simply not the case. So for the men in my life who I love but do sometimes stick their heads up their ass and do something so misogynistically disrespectful that I have the irrational desire to remove their testicles, let me set the record straight on a few things. 

I am made up of more than my lady pieces. Every time a male friend cops a random feel or stares at my boobs or makes an innuendo that was not invited, I am filled with a white hot rage like no other. I have spent arduous hours selectively choosing the people I allow into my life. I adore them each in their own way and for their own individual gifts and strengths. So when a friend does this to me, I feel that they have told me that the only thing they value in me is my vagina. I've read literally thousands of books; I am a Dean's list student at a prestigious university; I am well-versed in music, psychology, theatre, movies, and foreign languages; I love horseback riding, running, archery, dancing, playing the piano, singing, judo, and yoga; I am a foodie and love trying new recipes and new restaurants; I would love to be a voice-over actor and to make huge changes in the field of higher education; and I am a fierce and loyal friend who forgives easily and loves hard. And every time you stare at my cleavage instead of into my eyes, my heart breaks and I feel a sense of disrespect that borders on sorrow because you do not see or value these things about me. Staying single is a choice for me. I have been severely burned in past relationships and have no desire to rush back in again. I am a strong enough person my own and I would rather be on my own than in any kind of relationship where there is not mutual love and respect on both sides. I am too old to waste my time on anything less than 100% and the real deal. 

So, fellas, do us all a favor and show your lady pals a little respect. Some of us may be tiny but, trust me, we know how to inflict maximum damage to a maximum douche. 

Post-Emily Post, A Monday Snark: Good Neighbor Edition

After a summer of neighborhood street fests and the return of the irritating upstairs girls, it has become clear to me that this weeks post needs to be a reminder on how to be a good neighbor. Not just to the people who share a building with you but also to the people who share the same street, neighborhood, and even city with you. A little common courtesy is all I'm asking here, folks.


Lets start with volume control. Dear lord, people just do not seem to understand how to use their indoor voices. Your neighbors, fellow restaurant patrons, etc do not need or want to hear your conversations. They also don't want to hear your radio blaring as loud as it will go (especially any time after 10 at night or before 9 in the morning). The same goes for your TV, keep it at a reasonable volume. Also, if you're an upstairs neighbor, do your downstairs neighbor a favor and keep your high heels off until you're ready to walk out of the door. The constant clomping across the ceiling will systematically drive your poor neighbor insane. Also, if you're driving through a neighborhood in the middle of the night, try to keep the radio down and use your horn only when absolutely needed, waking up to a car horn because someone was too lazy to walk to the door is a truly jarring experience.

Along with volume control, your animals can be equally obnoxious to anyone who doesn't love them as much as you do. I, personally, am the owner of a particular yappy dog. Loud noises startle her into massive fits of the yips. However, I try my best to stifle the barking as quickly as humanly possible before it can irritate my neighbors to puppy-cide. Some other dog tips, keep them on a leash. I'm not saying that your dog is a bad dog or needs to be on a leash because it will misbehave. I'm saying that there are other dogs that are nervous by being approached by a strange dog and, even more importantly, people and small children that have serious fear of strange animals. Just try to show some compassion and keep them reined in unless they're running around at the dog park or the privacy of your own fenced in yard. Also, no one wants to look at or accidentally step in your dog's waste, take a baggy and pick it up like a responsible pet owner.

Along that line, maybe you could just in general not leave trash on the ground. It breaks my heart whenever I walk past the perfectly landscaped flower beds that the apartment and condo buildings on my block have set out and seeing them filled with cigarette butts, beer cans, vodka bottles, newspapers, and various other pieces of trash that people just couldn't bother to hold onto until the end of the block where there is a perfectly good trash can. 

The same thing goes for spitting on the sidewalk. For serious, why do people think it's okay to hock a giant loogie in the middle of where other people are walking?! I have had people nearly spit on me because I was passing just as they decided to spit. There is never anything so desperate that you can't either wait for the nearest trash can or bathroom or just suck it up and swallow that shit because no one else should have to be subjected to it.

Going along with bodily functions, let me give a special mention to public sex and urination. Two things that I have personally been subjected to in my adorable garden apartment. For some reason, people of the male persuasion have been taught that it's perfectly acceptable to pee outside as long as no one can see you. However, the stairwell to my front door is where I walk every day in and out of my house and it is someone's property, it is incredibly rude to use it as a bathroom. Do us all a favor and hold it until the next open Starbucks. Also, if, for whatever reason, you just can't wait to have sex until you get home, could you at least not leave your dirty condom out on the street (or in aforementioned stairwell) for someone else to have to clean up. It's your bodily fluid, no one else should have to figure out how to clean that up.

On a lighter note, for those of you that like to keep your lawns green during the summer months, more power to you. I am all for sprinklers at the right place and time. However, walking home from work down a busy sidewalk in my nice clothes is not the place or time. Please try your best to not water the sidewalk along with your lawn.

Love and respect, neighbors!

Things I Love Thursday

Down times - I love my Changeling character and, for the first time literally ever, I actually care enough to send in my down time actions between games. What makes it better is that my dear friend, Amelia, loves writing for my character and sent me the most beautiful email involving Sanaa. It made me feel like I was living a real faery story and I'm super psyched to see what happens next.

Nice dinners - I've finally been making regular trips to the grocery store and cooking real meals when I'm home. It's really nice to just sit down to a plate of mac and cheese and brussel sprouts at my dining table. It's much easier to concentrate on my homework than with my usual junk food in bed routine.

Good shopping trips - When you set out to find a specific article of clothing in a very specific color, you kind of expect to be looking for hours and maybe never find what you're looking for. However, twenty minutes into browsing through Water Tower Place, I found exactly what I wanted on the clearance rack of Express. Yay!

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. - I'm not entirely sure how I missed writing about this last week but welcome back to television, Joss! Two episodes in and this show is kicking some serious ass and giving me several geekgasms of joy.

Girlfriend time - It occurred to me as my seven week break with no classes came to a close last Thursday, that I didn't utilize my free time nearly as well as I could have. Instead of enjoying as much time with my girl friends as possible, I kind of hermited up. However, I've started on a path to remedy the situation. Last night, I spent a lovely evening at the park and eating sushi with the wonderful Sarah and Ivy which was much needed. I also have plans in the work to get some girl time with Elise, Carolyn, and Amelia soon too. I love my ladies and they are what keeps me sane.