Things I Love Thursday

It's about that time again and I am especially thrilled with life this week so, without further ado, here are a few of the things that have made life great.

Spring Break - Yes, I still have to work all week but there are no classes, no students, and best of all no homework. I'm also getting to catch up with the lovely people that I don't get to see as often when I'm wrapped up with writing research papers.

3.5 GPAs - But I got a 3.5 GPA, so obviously I'm doing something right.

New tattoos - I got some lovely new ink this week. Joel did an amazing job and it turned out just exactly how I wanted it to be.

Party season - The weather is trying to warm up and so begins the start of party season. A few years ago this would have been anxiety-inducing for me. I just don't always do well in large groups of people. But since I've been getting really comfortable in my skin lately, I've actually been enjoying parties more than I ever thought was possible. Bring them on!

Great new recipes - The past two weeks I went to two new cooking classes: Breakfast Breads & Pastries and Steakhouse D.I.Y. I got some really amazing new recipes, learned how to make my pie crust even better, finally figured out how to cook a damn steak, and I am dying to make a new batch of sticky buns. 

Surprise family time - Two weekends ago, my cousin Heather was having her leaving Illinois party. Normally I wouldn't be seen back around central Illinois until around June but I decided to surprise my bff and my gram and head down for a short visit. I got an amazing painting that my sister made, ate some awesome food, played with Ella and Tyler to my heart's content, and had a hilarious game night of Tellestrations. 

Therapy progress - So my therapist tells me that if I came in to see her today, she wouldn't diagnose me with major depressive disorder. We're meeting in two weeks to talk about some plans and maintenance but then we'll be heading into check-ups and doing it on my own. Wow.

Someone cooking for me for a change - Last night I went over to cadge Michael's bourbon (for sticky bun glaze) and Xbox games. He made me dinner and we watched some HIMYM. Other than my mom, I really don't remember the last time someone cooked for me. 

New and scary goals - I signed up for the Chicago Half Marathon on September 7th. I may be insane, I may drop dead in the middle of the course, or I could surprise myself and kick my own ass into gear and kill it. I'm hoping the latter. This year is the year of Emily and I am going to enjoy it, damn it. 

Things I Love Thursday

Gluten-free brownies - I have never made anything gluten-free in my life and I am highly skeptical about the entire gluten-free fad. That being said, my coworker has gestational diabetes and was desperate for a brownie. So, for her baby shower, I found a great Nigella Lawson recipe for flourless brownies (which are apparently a little less problematic on the insulin front due to the lesser number of carbs). Holy damn were they good. Super gooey with great texture and the perfect untainted brownie flavor. Good thing I have another party to go to tomorrow because that half-pan of brownies I have left would be an extra five pounds that my butt does not need.

Reconnecting - I've been spending a lot of time with a friend who I had a brief falling out with last year. A combination of hurt feelings and poor communication skills. It's been nice getting that connection back and actually being able to talk out all of our former issues without damaging our friendship.

The best compliment I ever received personally - A friend told me recently that I was far kinder to them than they deserved. As far as I'm concerned, this is the highest compliment I could get. Not because I think that any one person is more deserving than another of kindness but because I wholeheartedly believe that everyone deserves kindness and compassion and, if someone believes that enough to say it to me, then I'm doing a pretty good job of practicing what I preach. 

The best compliment I ever received at work - A woman came in looking for someone's office. After I looked them up and directed her the right way, she thanked me profusely and said, "I knew someone with such cool hair would be able to help me." I really try to be approachable at my job. It sometimes makes me worry that I shave the sides of my head and have visible tattoos because I don't ever want anyone to feel like they can't ask me questions. It made me feel good that my hair was actually what made her stop and ask me questions.

Brunch - I've had three brunch dates in the past two weeks. It's been a long time since and I kind of forgot just how much I love brunch. Bloody Mary's, poached eggs and rye toast, black coffee, some kind of fancy french toast, it all makes my tummy happy.

Dress shopping - Prom season is coming up in our LARP (yes, we have a Changeling LARP) so I went along to help Rachel find a fantastic prom dress. I seriously love pretty dresses and, even though I already have a great dress of my own for game, I was able to help Rachel find the perfect one and picked up a pretty fabulous retro dress of my own just for funsies.

Sweet Mandy Bs - Rachel, Brian, and I took a long walk down to this adorable little sweet shop near DePaul on Sunday. There were beautifully decorated cakes and pastries galore. I was weirdly thrilled to discover their homemade pudding layered with homemade whip cream. Super tasty and worth the calories.

Walking weather - There were a couple of beautiful, sunny days this week. One was a bit on the colder side for most non-Chicagoans but both were perfect walking weather for those of us who have been stuck inside for the past several months. I've missed being able to skip the public trans and just walk to wherever I'm going and I can't wait until there is much more walking in my future.

when I turned 30

Recently, I had a friend who turned 30. He posted on Facebook that he wondered if this meant that things in life would finally start to make sense. I remember being quite terrified of turning 30 last year. I was sure I would reach my birthday, look back and regret every single minute of my 20s. Thankfully, that is not what actually happened. 
What actually happened:

• All of the things that seemed incredibly crucial in my 20s didn't seem to matter as much anymore. Marriage, kids, who beat me out for a part in a show, who snubbed me. It's so much easier when you just remember that things will happen if they're meant to happen and when they're supposed to happen. At the moment, I can barely plan a few months in advance. I've signed up for a few races, I bought a pass for Dragon Con, I know what class I want to take this summer, that's about it.
• I made the decision to stop being scared of everything. This was a huge one. I have hidden behind fear for so long. Fear of pain, rejection, failure. So I got a tattoo, I asked a boy out, I let it be okay to get a B. The possibilities now seem endless.
• I stopped giving a shit what everyone else thought of me. There was a time when I was quite sure that I needed everyone to like me and every relationship to work out happily ever after. I spent a lot of my time being a people pleaser. As my dear friend, Amelia, puts it, "The number of fucks I have to give are significantly less." If someone has hurt my feelings, I'm going to let them know. I have no problems telling a partner exactly what I want. I started putting myself first for a change.
• I finally got control over those pesky finances. I've been in debt since the first time I got married, 11 years ago. My first husband had been out of the house two years before I finally managed to pay off our credit cards and, as of three short weeks ago, I paid off all of the debt from my second marriage. I'm far from being debt-free but I feel like I've finally gotten a hold on the situation and at least now all of the debt I have is mine.
• I let go of a few of those control issues. I'm not saying I still don't cringe whenever I see a car break the rules of the road or that I don't make lists like they're going out of style. But I stopped planning everything months in advance and I can go for a walk with my mom and decide to eat wherever strikes our fancy without having a complete meltdown of a panic attack. Baby steps. 
• I got rid of most of those debilitating self-esteem issues and social anxieties. I cut my hair exactly how I want to, I dress exactly how I want to, and, when I go to a party, I don't stand in a corner waiting for someone to talk to me while I assume everyone who isn't is judging me. Turns out, I really like me.

What does all of this add up to? I feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in many years. And that, my dears, is what I hope that everyone finds when they turn 30 or 40 or 50. Learn to let go and enjoy your lives.