always waiting for what's next

This week I have been...antsy. Monday, all I wanted to do was be done with work and get to my judo class. Then all I wanted was to be able to go get groceries and restock my fridge and then all I wanted to do was start my new psych class. I'm dying to get through the week and get to my archery lesson, David's art show, my hair appointment, and my French Creperie cooking class at the Chopping Block on Sunday. And, in a way, that's good. It's a great thing to have things you look forward to and are excited to do. But, with me, it goes too far. 
This is how I start to scare people away. I over plan. Getting up and just walking down the street and picking out the first restaurant that looks good is scary to me. What if we go down a road where there are no restaurants? What if I pick a place and they don't like it? Going on vacation and not knowing everything I'll be doing with every minute of my time is intimidating. If I don't do the research how will I know where anything is? What if we get lost? What if I pick something that turns out to be not fun? Being in a relationship and not knowing where we're heading five years down the road is terrifying. Does he love me? Will we get married? Where will we live? Where will we work? Will we buy a house? A car? A dog? Will we have babies? I like to be prepared for the inevitable downfalls so I never stop to enjoy the moment with the great things I have going on at the time. That kind of pressure put on a partner would crack even the best of relationships. 
So I'm trying to start over...again. I have been getting better. When my mom was in town, I did suggest we just walk down Broadway and eat at the first place that looked interesting. Yes, we ended up at our favorite Chinese restaurant in the end but we did take a leisurely stroll and I didn't get stressed out. I pointed out places I had heard about, made suggestions, and just enjoyed the evening. I'm trying really hard to stop and enjoy the moment (which I admit is relatively hard to do when I'm at my job). I'm trying not to worry so much about what's coming down the road that might be bad or unexpected or unnerving. Let future Em deal with that when it gets here. For now I am trying to focus on being the best I can be this particular week and move forward one step at a time, no matter how scary it is.